Me and My Friends #60 - The Best Bit About the Worst Song on Each RHCP Album
This might come as a shock, but I quite like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Having said that, there is a lot about them I don't like. Some of their decisions and choices and directions over the years, of course, which I've mentioned in letters before.
But a lot of it is down the simple fact of taste. Of all the hours of joy I can have, do have, will have, with their discography, I think some of their published work is, if I can be honest, pure dreck that should have stayed as far away from a recording studio as possible.
I mean, we've all probably seen this image floating around:
No problem here!
But in the interests of keeping things light and positive on here, and in my endless search for a silver lining, I've found something nice to say about all the stuff I consider to be dreck.
The best part about the drafting of this letter? I found it hard to pick a least-favourite song for several albums. And for some of those songs, it's not that I didn't like them, it's that I didn't love them, or that they just didn't fit with the rest of the album, they were too long, etc. The negativity hasn't won out yet.
These are the best bits, of every worst song, on each Chili Peppers album.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Baby Appeal
The debut has a lot of wonderful moments, and I'm a big, big defender of it. "Out in L.A." and "Green Heaven" are maybe my least favourite parts on the album, yes, only because their demo versions are some of the best things the band have ever done, and these are wet lettuce compared.
But "Baby Appeal" is a bizarre track. I don't think there's any universe in which it's a good thing for the band to go on about how babies liked their music when no-one else did; it's not as charming as Anthony thinks it is. And of all the dated production sounds on the album, this is the true nadir of it: tinny drums, reverb-drenched everything, a BPM about 10 slower than it should be. The band didn't want "Human Satellite" to be on the album because it felt stilted and robotic, but this made it?
The best part? That riff in the bridge, at about 2.17 (and at the close of the song), one of the only moments of real metal heaviness on the entire album. They should have built a song around that.
Freaky Styley
The Brother's Cup
I don't feel too strongly either way about "The Brother's Cup," but I think it's the weakest track on the album; the one I'm most likely to skip if it comes up on shuffle.
What I do love is the message, the feeling of togetherness, of brotherly empowerment, of not being scared about being perceived as a sissy for showing your friends love. An eternal theme.
The Uplift Mofo Party Plan
Organic Anti-Beat Box Band
This song has never really done anything for me. It's a fun groove, especially when done live, but the lyrics are basically "Out in L.A." done less interestingly, the solo sorta starts and stops six times, and it's dated now too - there's been a beatbox on maaaany RHCP songs. Uplift could have ended on a much more uplifting note with "Live Trilogy."
The best part? The crowd of folks who sang on it, and in turn got to be made eternal on a RHCP album: Bob Forrest, Gary Allen, Loesha Zeviar, all important people in RHCP history. The festive atmosphere is a high point in an otherwise dull song.
Mother's Milk
Johnny, Kick a Hole in the Sky
I think it's no surprise the band have never played this live in full. It's a drag - the vocal melody is this weird, stilted I-I-I-I thing, the instrumentation is uninspired, and it just kinda goes nowhere, but goes there over and over again. Once the third verse starts, I'm really struggling. Perhaps "Pretty Little Ditty" should have been the final song on the album? But MM was short enough as it was and they needed every extra second they could get.
But much like "The Brother's Cup," the lyrical content of "Johnny..." is on point. The Chili Peppers were always socially conscious, especially when it came to native or environmental issues, and this is a perfect example of that, in the vein of "Green Heaven" or "American Ghost Dance." Shame it had to be wasted on this.
Blood Sugar Sex Magik
Funky Monks
There are three contenders for the "worst" song on BSSM, and I think the consensus amongst the community would be "Funky Monks," "The Righteous and the Wicked," and/or "Naked in the Rain."
(A lot of people will say "They're Red Hot" is the low point, but it's a minute long and tucked away at the very end - hardly something you need to skip past. People who don't like "They're Red Hot" are losers and need to get a grip. End of discussion!)
I like all those songs - I really don't think there's anything bad on the album at all - but they're just decent compared to the soaring heights of the other tracks on the admittedly very long album (4 seconds beneath the absolute maximum a single CD could be). I wonder sometimes how it would be received, especially in terms of it being a classic all-time album, if it was only 11 or 12 songs long: better or worse?
"Funky Monks" is great and goofy, and the call and response style is fun, and the opening being an unamplified electric guitar close-miked as it transitions into a properly amplified one is an inspired sonic choice, but it can be a little... ploddy and metronomic. It certainly derails the early stages of the album. I think it's those pauses. After the one two punch of "Power of Equality" and "If You Have to Ask," then the waltzing chaos of "Breaking the Girl," "Funky Monks" brings everything to a halt. Skipping straight through to "Suck My Kiss" might have been a better idea.
But maybe I'm biased, because I had to perform this song for my HSC. After playing it 9,000 times in the spring of 2007 I probably never need to hear the song again.
The best part? Come on. The bass line. In the outro. How can you not like that?
One Hot Minute
One Big Mob
Again, I don't hate it, just one of the weaker tracks on a great album. The band throwing out six minute tracks in the middle of an album, with extended bridges that sample crying babies - what's not to love? But it's too long, the lyrics are pretty bottom of the barrel stuff, ("One, two, buckle my shoe, take care of me, cause I might be you") and there's an extended bridge with a sample of a crying baby. Could they have replaced it with "Let's Make Evil"? Probably.
But I don't think I'd feel this way if it was still connected to "Stretch," as it was originally intended and recorded. Not only would it be the longest proper track in the RHCP canon, it would be this immense behemoth that forced your attention, a marathon of a song that would be truly unique in the band's discography, that went in about seven different directions, took up an entire side of an LP, and really helped cement One Hot Minute as the experimental outlier that it really is.
Californication
Around the World
This might be another sign of hearing it too many times, but "Around the World" has worn itself very thin for me. Mostly because Anthony's verse line is a little too... Anthony for its own good. I'm only being a little hyperbolic when I say if it wasn't for this song, the verses in particular, the band's public perception as being the ning-nang-nong California band wouldn't be so big.
Which is sad, because the instrumentation is top-notch, even if it is a bit of a Frankenstein's monster. Californication as a whole is a monster: it was edited and re-edited and mastered and then edited again, with virtually every song being chopped and screwed. "Around the World" is a good example: listen carefully to the chorus, Flea's part for it changed a couple times during the recording process and in the end it's almost as if they've just turned the whole thing down during it.
But the outro is a delight. It was edited in the mixing stages too - chopped down by a few bars - but it's in the same vein as "Purple Stain," this krautrock-esque workout that could have gone on forever. In some instances it's odd how this part is connected to the rest of the song, but I love it, the one part I never tire of.
By the Way
Cabron
“Cabron” is fun. “Cabron” rarely fails to put a smile on my face. It’s catchy, it’s bizarre, it’s like a love song but also not, but also maybe it is - in that way you can feel love, not quite romantic, about a random person or object. It reminds me of being in a public space on a sunny day, of pleasant human harmony. I don’t dislike it at all. But it’s there on the album when “Body of Water,” “Out of Range,” “Rivers of Avalon” or “Eskimo” had to be relegated to an out of print CD single. And for that I'm afraid I have to consider it the worst.
Stadium Arcadium
Especially in Michigan
Stadium Arcadium is such a long album with such a variety of sounds, with songs that I loved immediately and some that took a while to grow on me. And then there's "Especially in Michigan," which felt like a brick wall painted grey back in 2006 and has only continued to fade as the years have gone by.
What I do like is the fact that the vinyl (and now some of the streaming versions) has an alternate guitar solo by Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, a kind of Easter egg for listeners to discover as they get deeper and deeper into the band. It's something that doesn't alter the song fundamentally - it's not making or breaking it for anyone. It's the smallest of curios. The only question is - was its inclusion intentional? After seeing the extended "It's Only Natural" pop up on the Unlimited Love vinyl, and alternate mixes of "Easily" and "Californication" show up on Californication, I'm starting to think it's easier to make a mistake like this than it might seem.
I'm With You
Happiness Loves Company
I've never really vibed with this one either. The piano-driven song-writing from this era I enjoyed; "Even You Brutus?" and "Never is a Long Time" are fantastic, and I'd love to see the band move in that direction more (certain parts of UL/ROTDC seem to suggest that they will). But Anthony was going through a very nasally heyyyyy phase throughout the IWY era and in the chorus of this song it really grates on me (that heyyyyy sound is all through I'm Beside You as well).
I do love those occasional background vocals though: Bum-bo-ba-be-ba-bo, bum-ba-bum-ba! They sound like Flea?
The Getaway
We Turn Red
I've often thought this song sounded like the band being forced to record something at gunpoint, lyrics included. It's repetitive, it's about nothing, just good old Kiedis word-salad, it's where Danger Mouse's production techniques did the opposite of what they were intended to do.
I guess some of the guitar work is nice? But seriously. This made it, and "Kaly" didn't? This?
Unlimited Love
Poster Child
"Poster Child" reminds me of the kind of B-side you would get on the 4th or 5th single of an album, especially if the UL/ROTDC sessions were only one release (and if they still did proper B-sides). You'd hear it and think, yes, of course this didn't make the album. It's an experiment, a goofy mess-about with those shopping list lyrics (I have a feeling Anthony wrote 95% of the lyrics to these albums sitting in front of his CD collection, that's why so many random bands just pop up in them) and the band doing the kind of rudimentary funk groove they could do in their sleep. And yet it was somehow a lead-in single, the second new piece of music we heard since John returned. Bizarre.
At least it has a Yoko Ono reference. Yoko rules. Always has, always will.
Return of the Dream Canteen
Peace and Love
I really thought either "The Drummer" or "Fake as Fuck" were going to be the song picked for ROTDC, but I liked a lot of "Fake as Fuck" when I listened to it again; it's just that "Set 'em on up to knock 'em all down" section that grates on me. I couldn't bring myself to listen to "The Drummer." Couldn't risk the ear-worm. I don't have anything good to say about that track.
And so on another perusal of (most of) the album I found that I enjoyed "Peace and Love" the least. Anthony's voice is so strained and processed he sounds like a chipmunk, and the rest of the band just kinda snooze through the whole thing.
What I do love is that bass line, one of Flea's best in the entire sessions, and coupled with Josh Johnson's excellent treated sax during the bridge... come to think of it, maybe I should just listen to the instrumental version of this track...
This might seem like a really negative letter, one filled with criticisms and complaints and me up here on a pedestal talking smack, but I'll say it again - a lot of the time I really struggled finding something bad to say about a lot of their work. Thinking about what I didn't like just made me realize how much I truly adore. And maybe I'll come back in a year and have a completely changed perspective.
Until then...
H.