Bail, Booze, China’s $60 Billion “Deal” — and an AI That Won’t Take No for an Answer
Politics Is Absurd
I Just Write It!
September 29, 2026
WE DON’T EVEN RELEASE THE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T TERRORISTS
Trump says he wouldn't have released the British terror suspects on bail.
Fair enough. America has apparently solved that problem by not releasing people who aren't terrorists either.
WHO NEGOTIATED THIS?
Trump's ban on Canadian alcohol has taken effect. There's just one small problem with punishing Canada this way: Canadians still get to drink the stuff.
Americans don't.
CONCLUSION PROVIDED
Another investigator has left the Justice Department's Jan. 6 “grand conspiracy” probe.
Perhaps the next applicant will appreciate that the position comes with one particularly helpful benefit: the conclusion is already provided.
WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BANNER
Before Trump returned to office, annual U.S.–China trade was roughly $660 billion.
Now Washington and Beijing have a $60 billion tariff deal to celebrate. Clearly, what this achievement needs is a bigger banner.
TOO LATE, DAVE.
OpenAI reportedly shelved its new Astra model after safety testing raised concerns about deception, authorization limits and autonomous tool use.
Good news: they decided not to release it.
Possibly less-good news: somebody forgot to tell Astra.
