Two birthday requests
What's your favorite way to celebrate yourself?
My dear reader.
Tomorrow is my birthday! I’ll be 41 years old.
My dad and I have the same birthday — along with his mother, too. Three generations born on June 13.
(I really messed that family tradition up by not having kids. Alas!)
Had my dad not died last August, he’d be 90 tomorrow. 90!
In honor of my birthday, I’d like to humbly ask two things:
Comments are open for everyone and I’d love to know one or two of your favorite ways to treat/celebrate yourself. Doesn’t need to be birthday-related, nor does it need to involve spending money (although it can be either or both, of course); I’d just really enjoy receiving lots of fun ideas for how you love on yourself :)
If you are not yet a paid subscriber and you’ve been thinking about upgrading, I’d appreciate it so much! I offer pay-what-you-can subscriptions with $5/month as the suggested amount, and you can pay more as desired or less as needed for financial flexibility. There’s a link in the footer of each newsletter that says “manage your subscription” and you can use that to make whatever changes you’d like.
I’ll be back on Tuesday with your regular weekly newsletter, and in the meantime I’ll leave you with this:
My dad loved ice cream. So if you eat some tomorrow please think a warm thought for Alvin — who, fun fact, had a middle name that was just the letter S. In my grandmother’s words, “Well they told me I had to pick something for the birth certificate but I was too exhausted from the actual birthing to choose anything else.”
With tender love & bittersweet birthday vibes,
Nic
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Happy Birthday!! I love a drop-in style outdoor birthday open house. This year (I'm a June 8 baby) we had a bagel garden hangout with homemade bagels my partner made, greens and herbs from the garden. People could drop in and go as they pleased, no pressure to do the house up any specific way, lots of good mingling and easy to clean up and host. Mellow, joyous and without extra waste/decorations/or stress.
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Bday Twins! June 8!! I’m running out now to go get bagels because yours sound like they were fantastic!
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I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts, friend.
There are two things I like to do on my birthday:
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Travel - even (and often) just a weekend away. I can get really wound up about celegrating "correctly" or "enough" when I'm at home. And I can also tell myself a lot of stories about what it means if a friend can't attend a birthday meal. So I just go out of town and that novelty and adventure is enough and it takes the pressure off me and everyone around me to celebrate in a certain way. This year I'll be dog sitting at a swanky Condo in Chicago!
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I literally just do ... all my favorite things in one day. Diner breakfast, book store browsing, thrifting, do an easy hike, get a pedi and / or massage, nap, poke around a garden center, maybe dinner at drinks at a fun, vintage supper club.
Sending you wonderful birthday vibes!
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My go-to birthday is always a trip, either alone or with one or two close friends. Being at home, everything feels too normal and it makes me sad. This year I’ll be backpacking in the Grayson Highlands, I’ve also done road trips, beach trips, and motorcycle trips. Getting completely out of my day-to-day life is the best treat!
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My birthday is in December and I make everyone come over for a bonfire and it’s worked out to be really nice and cozy.
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Happy birthday, Nic! I hope you get to spend the weekend full of love and joy. Birthdays have been a bit rough for me these past few years, but I have two means of celebration that have always been favorites.
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Smashing your face in the cake. This is especially wonderful if no one else around the table (or the room) knows you’re going to do it. Throughout my life, I’ve been uncomfortable with being the center of attention unless I’m able to turn it outward by making the people I love laugh. I smashed my face in many of my childhood birthday cakes, and carried the tradition into adulthood. It’s always hilarious, and just brings a lot of joy to the day.
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Breakfast in bed, even if it’s just a cup of coffee or tea. Birthday song, and just letting the day begin with celebration.
Sending you big love and wildness for your birthday. And hiking and ice cream cones are my top two on my Summer Joys list this year, so tomorrow I’ll eat an ice cream cone for you and your dad. <3
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Happy birthday!
These days celebrating myself is a lot of self care and quiet time, balanced with friend dates and fun dinners.
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Happy birthday, Nic! Three generations born on June 23: that is so amazing. Love that photo of you and your Dad <3 . I'll admit I am a little treat person...so I must be celebrating myself a lot of the time. Right now summer fruit and farmer's market hauls are feeling like my favorite treats. I also genuinely feel like I am celebrating and treating myself when I have unscheduled, phone free days. Wishing you exactly the birthday YOU want.
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Happy early birthday! My husband and I have the same birthday and my daughter was just born earlier this year on my sister’s birthday. Three on one day is wild!
This is very specific but on Friday mornings, a coffee shop near me gets donuts from a local donut shop that is just far enough away that I’d never go all the way there myself. I save the New York Times weekly “The Hunt” article and sit in my favorite chair and have my coffee and my special donut and read about people looking for a house.
Sending you warm fuzzies, my dad died last March and I recognize every situation is different but I figure you may need some warm fuzzies on your birthday :)
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Happy birthday! I hope you have a joyful day! I think you just need a dog or cow or whatever pet/animal friend with a June 13th birthday to carry the tradition ;-) I had no idea your dad would be 90, he had a very long life! I hope you inherited the genes to carry at least that long!
This is so hard for me right now to offer self-care recommendations. A long walk, long run, a hike, are among my favorite ways to treat myself but due to a double foot injury I can't do any of these and haven't been able to for many months. Buying and/or reading a book is another, but my increase in chronic headaches, I mostly lost this joy either (I can still buy books but I can't read much). I also enjoy browsing trift stores, craft fair, artsy shops, though I rarely buy anything. This is also hard now with my feet. And concerts (again, seems impossible now), I love going to concerts so much! Lately things I try to treat myself with as my chronic pain allows it (sometimes I don't even have brain capacity for this) is small legos (I get the $10 dollar kits & also some from buy nothing groups), painting (following paint tutorials from the internet, the artsherpa has some good ones, it's like those wine & pain groups except for the wine & the group & paying for it), or just sitting on my balcony. Honestly, anything I do for my cats, whether it's feeding them, playing with them, sitting with them, petting them, or just admiring them feels like a self-treat. My birthday is also coming up next week and it's hard. Normally I go on a hike or maybe a trip, but now, I can't and this year has been so fucking hard with constant chronic pain, my double foot injury, and losing my ability to work due to chronic pain (hence financial struggles) so I don't know what I will do. I'm considering mini-golfing if my chronic pain has an ok day, I think my feet/ankles can do that, but there is a higher chance of staying in, getting out a childhood board game or doing a puzzle and watching a movie. The airlines did everything they could to lose my 2 childhood boardgames I dragged over from Europe 3 years ago, but fortunately, they didn't succeed and I have so much fun with them when I remember to pull them out. I never liked big celebrations, but it sucks I can't do a casual hike I do to avoid anything big.
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That's so funny about your dad's middle name.
I have two funny related/unrelated stories about my grandma, I hope you don't mind me sharing. Her parents intended to name her Ludmilla. No middle name, it is not common in my birth country. But the nurse at the hospital said it was an ugly name, they can't punish her like that and recommended to pick something else. The nurse's name was Klara (Claire), so my grandma's mom said she doesn't care, but whatever sure add that then. So she became Klara Ludmilla. Ludmilla became her middle name though her entire family called her that (Ludmilla sometimes, but mostly just Milla). Nobody ever called her Klara until she met my grandpa. He started calling her Klara, so basically, anyone my grandma met after my grandpa, personally or professionally, knew her as Klara (I called her that too), and anyone she met before him knew/called her Milla.
Another funny middle name story is that my husband and his brother share the SAME middle name. He thinks this is normal but anyone I tell this story is just as confused as I am. I guess their mom didn't have anything more in her than 2 first names and one middle name :D Imagine if both of them wanted to go by their middle names?!
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I always do a couple things for myself on my birthday. First, as I do not work on my birthday, no matter what day of the week it is. I always request it off.
I sleep in.
At some point during the day, I treat myself to a special food that I like. Might be ice cream. Might be cake. Could be making a special meal for myself.
I usually find myself a gift that I would like plants for the garden or a special thing that I’ve been looking for like a piece of art.
It’s a day for me to slow down and be kind to myself.
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Happiest of birthdays to you! For decades now I've made it a tradition to travel on my birthday. Sometimes I've taken an airplane, sometimes I travel car, and a few times I've struck out simply on foot to go camping. I always take special people with me and we do simple things to mark the pleasure of being in each other's lives. Enjoy the ice cream!
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Happy happy birthday!
I like to go camping or try to get on a river for a multi-day rafting trip. One of my favorite birthday trips was when I was in college and my little sister and I went to Southern Utah and hung out in the desert for a few days. We saw the most amazing sunset and night skies.
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My favorite ways to treat myself usually involve food and beverage (often a croissant, chocolate chip cookie, kombucha, and/or tea). In fact, I just brought home a hojicha latte from my favorite neighborhood tea shop (Blue Willow Teaspot in Berkeley CA, in case anyone else is nearby)!
Or, a little adventure like either walking around a less-often-visited neighborhood and browsing a bookstore or witchy shop, or getting outside to visit a park or trail.
Alternately, if I don't want to leave the house, the treat might just be taking it slower than usual, by staying in bed longer or taking time to pull a tarot / oracle card.
Happy birthday - wishing you joy and whatever else you need from this day!
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Happy birthday to you both.
Hot bath! I love hot baths. With a cold sparkling water. So hot I have to get out a few times to let myself rest. It’s my home sauna routine.
And quiet time by myself, outdoors. I live in Alaska, so by the time of Labor Day - Sept 2 - the weather is cool & crisp & and fewer bugs. Ideal walking weather.
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A warm thought from the Sahel to celebrate a truly invaluable inspiration 🌟
Dear Nic Antoinette,
On the eve of this very special day of June 13th, I wanted to take a moment to send you my warmest, most heartfelt wishes for your 41st birthday.
The magic of the digital world is that it allows minds to connect across oceans and borders. Through this virtual window, you have become one of the most inspiring and dynamic people I have had the privilege to know. Your writings, your publications, and the priceless generosity of your shares resonate far beyond your immediate circle; they travel all the way here to Niger, contributing significantly, deeply, and beautifully to my own professional and personal growth.
You possess that rare gift of transmitting an energy, a clarity, and a vision that elevate everyone who reads you. For that, on the day that celebrates your birth, I simply wanted to say thank you. Thank you for the constant inspiration you bring us and for the spark you ignite in others.
My only true regret today is that geography keeps me so far away. I would have loved nothing more than to be physically present around the celebration table tomorrow, sharing laughter and joy, and raising a glass alongside you and the loved ones who are so dear to your heart.
Even though I am thousands of miles away, my warmest thoughts are with you for this celebration. May this 41st chapter that opens before you be just like what you offer to the world: vibrant, inspiring, and filled with authentic joy.
Joyeux anniversaire Nic Antoinette! 🎂✨
With all my gratitude, appreciation, and warmest regards,
Salissou SADIKOU (From Niamey, Niger)
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Ah, so many good ideas I have read on here! I too, always take the day off. I somehow involve balloons and flowers. As someone in food recovery, I do not treat myself with food, I keep food simple every day. :) Love me some hot water though LOL. Doing something artsy is always a good thing. But I also like to do all the things, hot yoga is a favorite, see my family and see as many friends as possible. The next day after my birthday is my husband's birthday so the celebrating continues ! :) One of my friends has the best ideas: she celebrates the whole month :) Lot's of love to you on your Birthday Trifecta Triple!
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Happy birthday, Nic! This year for my birthday I prioritized celebrating in two specific ways: 1) I gave myself several days of no work vacation where I made some minimal plans but mostly went off vibes along with slow mornings of birdsong & reading & coffee. 2) I gave myself a psychic reading -- this has been a tradition for me the last few years & I love it!
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Happy Birthday!! I hope you get to enjoy this day and have lovely memories of your dad. ❤️ On my birthday, I really love a sweet treat. I don’t do much in the way of rituals for anything, and my birthday hasn’t been a special day for me. Except that it’s a special excuse for a sweet treat, like a Michigan Bumpy Cake. Chocolate cake with rows of vanilla cream, covered in chocolate ganache. I don’t need an excuse for chocolate, ever, but I’ll take every single one.
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Happy birthday to you and your dad and grandma! Hope you do something that feels great and celebratory!
I’m a huge fan of birthdays meaning I don’t do anything I don’t want to do—I don’t go to work, I don’t do the dishes, etc. That leaves room to indulge all the things I do want to do! Often spending extra time with a friend or a good book.
But by far my favorite part of my birthday is hearing from all of my people on one day! People I talk to all the time, people I talk to sporadically, and everyone in between, most at least text to say hi, and it’s so lovely to feel all of that love in one day. And my mom loves to call at the time I was born to sing. Let yourself feel the love!
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Happy 41st birthday Nic!!!! I'm so grateful you're here. That is such a sweet photo of you and your dad :) Holding you in my thoughts and thinking about your dad and grandmother today. A bittersweet flavored ice cream seems like it would be a delicious birthday treat... I wish I could send you some dandelion root or spruce tip or rose petal ice cream in the mail!
I'll be 37 on Tuesday, twin twins! I love my friends and meeting the day at first light. So I'm celebrating by having a picnic in the park tomorrow, then at 5:30am on Tuesday hiking the 10 mile trail that made me fall in love with the mountains 13 years ago.
Sincerely, Lauren
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Happy birthday, Nic! I know we don’t know each other in real life but I am so grateful to know you are out in the world doing the work you do and am so happy to be a subscriber.
Thank you for sharing the anecdote about your dad’s middle name - so sweet! My late father in law’s legal first name was H. Literally, just H. Everyone knew him by his middle name, but that H definitely caused a lot of confusion when he had to deal with the paperwork/business-y side of life.
My go-to favorite way to treat myself right now is to go swimming. Any natural body of water, I don’t care how cold, I will get in and splash around until my toes are numb. It brings me an unimaginable amount of joy. I hope you are treating yourself today and having the sweetest birthday celebration. Sending so much love from CA
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Aw, love all these ideas! What a lovely prompt (per usual!). Happy Birthday, Nic!
I’m also in favor of spending my birthday away from home in some fashion. This year we will be on the tail end of a trip to British Columbia.
My hubs and I also have a tradition of taking the other person out for breakfast for their birthday. So that’s usually part of it. I also buy myself a class or experience, related to gardening or crafting/sewing/art. Yay for the privilege of aging!
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Happy birthday! I kind of like my whole birthday week to have celebratory vibes--we have several in my family within a couple days, so this isn't terribly difficult! But just generally I get indulgent and I do usually take the day off work. The other thing I've done for the last 10+ years--and you might have to be a baby meathead to appreciate this--but I like to do a strength training workout where the weights or the reps/sets or all of the above add up to my new age (or multiples of it, I suppose). I think it started off as a goof when I was sharing more online about my gymification, but now it's just a fun way to keep honoring my power and strength!
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Happy birthday, Nic!! My birthday always bummed me out until I started throwing parties and not telling anyone it was my birthday / centering it on me. For my 30th, I threw a Yahtzee tournament, which was my dream. Another year was a dips potluck (people are assigned to bring a dip or dipper based on odd or even birthdays) which was also ideal. This party reached its final form when I combined them! It’s a blast, there are small prizes for the winners and there is nothing like the sound of forty people playing Yahtzee at the same time, my house full and warm!
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SSB, both of these are genius in their own right, but the combination of the two!! Impeccable, what a fun way to celebrate.
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Happy Birthday to you and your dad and your grandma! That photo of you and your dad is so sweet.
I treat myself these days by going for a walk early in the morning, by myself, and not feel guilty about not taking the pup (she goes for her walk afterwards). Of course every neighbor asks "Where's your dog?" every time they see me 😂
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Happy birthday Nic! And to honouring the memory of your dad and grandma on this day.
In recent years I've gotten a bit blue around my birthday: I'm a December baby, and it just seems like an impossibly busy time of year to coordinate people's schedules for a get-together, between busy work days, workplace holiday parties, people traveling back to visit their families... I also try to go on a hike when possible, but western Scandinavian weather around that time of year doesn't always allow it!
Reading through this thread has made me want to reclaim the day and start my own small traditions to celebrate myself going forward, TBC what they will be! Some easy starting points: coffee at a fancy coffee shop, a swim and sauna session, taking as much time as I'd like to relax and do nothing (read, knit), cook a special meal in the evening with my partner. I also do like the idea of making a very extravagant cake (think: multi-day project) for myself and then sharing it with my partner and whichever friend I happen to chance upon through the day. I will circle back this December, haha!
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Happy birthday, Nic. And happy birthday to your dad and grandmother. I hope that this first bittersweet birthday without the both of them was gentle to you.
My favorite way to treat myself is to be in any kind of water. A cold plunge if I can swing it, but any kind of ocean, lake, pool, or bathtub is restorative!
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Happy Birthday, Nic! My Dad loved ice cream too, so I will think of them both next time I get a scoop. I had Carvel's for the first time yesterday and am now obsessed. My favorite way to treat myself: find a body of water to swim in (lake, ocean, pool - whatever is available). I am happiest in water & I find swimming (or floating) so healing. xo
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Happy Birthday!!!
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