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July 1, 2026

Let yourself be changed

or: this newsletter is going on hiatus for a while

My cherished reader.

I’m sitting cross-legged on the cozy reading chair in my office right now, blankets piled all around me, in hopes that cocooning myself in such a soft setting will make it easier to share what I need to share, which is that I’ll soon be putting this newsletter on hiatus.

You can listen to the full story of why (including an uncertain and real-time medical situation I’m navigating) in this podcast conversation with my dear friend Amelia Hruby.

(And if you’re in need of your own kind of break, pause, or shift in any area of your life right now, I hope everything we explore in that episode serves you well!)

In addition to sharing that podcast conversation with you today, which goes deep into the emotional side of this choice/change I’m making, I also wanted to share the more logistical details of what you can expect in the coming weeks as I slowly wind things down here.

  • Next week (7.7) you’ll get the July edition of What’s Working.

  • The week after that (7.14) you’ll get one final essay.

  • Between now and July 15 I’ll get everything sorted on the admin side in order to pause all paid subscriptions. Buttondown doesn’t yet have a one-click way to implement this, so I’ll be DIY-ing it in Stripe. I’m hoping this will be a smooth and hiccup-free process for us all, but if for some reason you do get charged after July 15 please email me and I’ll make sure you get a refund!

  • When the payment pause goes into effect you should get a generic-sounding email that says: “You've successfully paused your subscription to Now What? You will not receive premium emails for the duration of your pause, and you won't be charged until you resume your subscription.” There’s nothing else you’ll need to do.

  • While I’m on hiatus the monthly subscribers won’t be charged at all, and annual subscribers will have the paused months added to their renewal date.

  • I don’t yet know how long of a break I’ll need, but I have a feeling it could be a long one. During that break I’ll occasionally pop back into your inbox when I have something to share (a new episode in my podcast series with Amelia, for example). You won’t be charged for any of that, and then when I’m ready to return regularly I’ll make sure to give you a clear timeline so you can decide at that point if you’d like to continue your paid subscription or not. There won’t be any surprise charges is what I’m saying, and I’ll always be transparent about what you can expect as things shift.


As I make my way through this process of stepping back from public sharing for a while, there’s a phrase that keeps coming up for me, and it’s this: let yourself be changed.

My parents are dead. I’m uncertain about my health right now. Everywhere you look collapse is doing what collapse does. I’ve been gripping so tightly to who I used to be — in my family, in my business, in a version of the world that no longer exists – and what I need to do next is simply let go. Stop grasping. Let myself be changed by what is changing.

More to come in the next few weeks, with such tender love for all of us and our ever-shifting shelves,

Nic

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Join the discussion:
  1. M
    Marta
    July 1, 2026, noon

    wow <3 what a journey. thank you for your commitment to us, for your integrity, your transparency, your life! It's so inspiring. We got you and yes you got this as well <3

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  2. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 1, 2026, noon

    "We got you" - this really made me feel such big feelings. Thank you, Marta <3

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  3. S
    Sam Cash
    July 1, 2026, noon

    Thank you for sharing! IAs I'm going through change (and we all are), it popped into my head that change can be a whole new world of possibilities. It's so tough and I'm resistant to it, but it can be so worthwhile too. I appreciate the seasons of life and love hearing you on podcasts. I hope you find work that's easy and meaningful when you need it and love that you are taking a needed break!!

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  4. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 1, 2026, noon

    Thanks so much for the support, Sam! I love what you said about change being a whole new world of possibilities. It can be hard to see/feel that when I'm holding on so tightly to the "before" of it all, but you're totally right!

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  5. J
    Jessica
    July 1, 2026, noon

    Sending you so much love and support Nic. We appreciate the reminder to allow ourselves to change and hope this time provides you the grace and space you're seeking.

    We will be here for you when you're ready.

    Love, Your community

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  6. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Thank you, Jessica <3

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  7. P
    Paula
    July 1, 2026, noon

    Thank you for modeling such honesty and transparency and clarity. You got this and I wish you nothing but positive outcomes with whatever health issue you are navigating. Grateful for you and the myriad of ways you have impacting my world for the good.

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  8. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Thanks so much, Paula!

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  9. T
    Tinna
    July 1, 2026, afternoon

    Sending love, Nic! As always, grateful for you and the doors/windows you have shown me all these years.

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  10. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    So many years <3

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  11. S
    Sally Roach
    July 1, 2026, afternoon

    Best wishes and prayers for you. I've really enjoyed reading your posts and will miss them and you. Please keep us informed of how things are going anyway.

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  12. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Thank you, Sally!

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  13. S
    Sara
    July 1, 2026, afternoon

    Nic: Thank you for always showing up with your full, real self! You have my support as you step into what is needed in this season of your life. Take the time you need. Big love and care across the miles.

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  14. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Love & care right back!

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  15. J
    Jen
    July 1, 2026, afternoon

    Thank you for sharing this Nic. Any feelings of disappointment we may have are only due to the fact that we are so fond of you and your writing. I hope that hiatus gives you the space and peace of mind to just be, and then if you want to, when you’re ready, figure out what’s next. I recently took 9 months off from a very traditional job and I can confidently say, I will never think about work the same way again, in the best way. I wish that for you, that this break allows you to leave behind that which is no longer serving you. And if the occasional pop-in features sheep photos and sheep anecdotes, I am so here for it.

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  16. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Hehe yes I will be happy to share about the sheep from time to time. They are growing so quickly!

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  17. G
    Gray
    July 1, 2026, evening

    Hey Nic! I'm always so appreciative of your commitment to transparency and clear instructions from you.

    I'm not exaggerating when I say that finding your corner of the internet a few years back has been life changed. I've learned SO much and been asked to explore so many aspects of the world and myself. Truly, thank you.

    I look forward to listening to the podcast, but in the meanwhile, I whole-heartedly hope this break serves you well and that you get whatever you need from it (as well as, maybe, a few delightful revelations along the way).

    Thanks for everything ❤️ looking forward to seeing you on the other side - whatever that may look like

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  18. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    It's been lovely chatting with you in the comments over the years. Thank you for the kind words!

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  19. L
    Lindsay K.
    July 1, 2026, evening

    Wishing you all the best! Thank you for your vulnerability for all these years, and I admire your courage to make the changes you need. ❤️ I don’t know if many people who can do this like you.

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  20. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Thanks, Lindsay, for so much support & kindness for so many years!

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  21. F
    Flo
    July 1, 2026, evening

    As always, I deeply appreciate the lead time you are giving us. Yes, I will miss you and I’m grateful for all the ways you honour your needs without waiting for that breaking point. Notwithstanding the “I can pause the newsletter, this is a good enough reason”. Wow, it hit hard. I literally felt winded for a second.

    “Nobody should have negative health outcomes because of their job” This feels self-evident and yet revolutionary. Capitalism really has a strong grip on me that I hadn’t even thought this is a world I could imagine. This reminds me that there are so many assumptions that I have yet to question. I love that, so much yet to learn and grow from.

    Excited for your potential writing project. Love the backward cap gender energy. Sending you a big virtual hug.

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  22. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Big hugs to you too, Flo! Isn't it so wild the ways that capitalism (and all its oppressor friends) can stubbornly remain internalized, even after so many years of unlearning? Still shocks me every time!

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  23. A
    Anna
    July 1, 2026, evening

    Sending love your way, Nic! ❤️❤️❤️

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  24. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    To you too, Anna!

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  25. T
    Tee
    July 2, 2026, morning

    Thanks for always leading with integrity, honesty and care. Hoping you feel those same ripples of love and care surrounding you.

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  26. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    I absolutely do feel them, yes <3

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  27. J
    JXO
    July 2, 2026, morning

    Thank you for more than you may realize, Nic. You will be missed and I am looking forward to any and all iterations on the other side. Sending gentle wishes that all gets sorted in a way that brings light and ease. 💛

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  28. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    I too look forward to all the iterations on the other side! Feels magical & filled with possibility when I allow it to.

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  29. N
    Nancy
    July 2, 2026, afternoon

    Over the years, among the many newsletters I may subscribe to, yours is the only one I always read. It is because you’ve consistently been so honest, thoughtful, and brave enough to talk about topics that no one else is talking about. This was true about your podcast as well. There are so many of us who unconditionally love and support you and your work. It makes so much sense that you feel the need to pull back from public sharing right now. I am thankful you are in the position to focus on your loved ones, your animals, and your in-person community of friends. I find when there are big things on my mind that I’m only willing to share with a few people, it’s hard to have meaningful conversations with other people because those big things are taking up so much space. I’m feeling this right now. I always keep my circle small, and it’s even smaller now which is both okay and not okay.

    I was excited to hear you have a book idea and happy to know you feel good about non-work aspects of your life. Take the time. Enjoy the moment. You are amazing.

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  30. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Thank you for all these kind words, Nancy. And wow, you nailed it with this part: "when there are big things on my mind that I’m only willing to share with a few people, it’s hard to have meaningful conversations with other people"

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  31. A
    Alyssa
    July 3, 2026, midnight

    I agree with this whole comment and couldn’t have said it better myself! So a big ditto. Makes complete sense to pull back right now. I’ve been quietly in your corner for a long time and will miss hearing from you of course but am so glad you are doing this for yourself. Sending you and your loved ones all the best <3

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  32. N
    Nicole (she/hers)
    July 2, 2026, evening

    Take all the time you need, Nic! Sending you so much love and kindness and clarity. Excited to support you no matter what it looks like next! 🖤

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  33. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 3, 2026, evening

    Thank you for the support!!

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  34. K
    KC Williams
    July 3, 2026, morning

    The bit you shared in the podcast about not wanting to be publicly witnessed is so real. I think there are times in life when we’re just gutted, when everything that was no longer is, and we have no choice but to float (or kick and scream) in liminal space for a while because there’s quite literally no where else to go. It strikes me as such as deeply personal, internal, private time- and I know for me I don’t get to choose when I come out the other side.

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  35. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 3, 2026, evening

    ALL of this, yes yes yes.

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  36. K
    Kathryn
    July 3, 2026, afternoon

    All the best

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  37. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 3, 2026, evening

    Thanks – to you as well!

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  38. S
    Sonbol A
    July 3, 2026, afternoon

    I just finished listening to your conversation with Amelia and just wanted to send you a boatload of love. The part where you talked about your parents being the only people in the world who loved you unconditionally just hit me so hard. I feel like my mom is the only person in the world who loves me unconditionally and losing her would change my entire being.

    I'm glad you're taking time for yourself to figure out what your new chapter of life and work is going to look like. Me and the furry (and non-furry) crew are cheering you from afar and wishing you all the best and sending you endless supplies of love and purrs and quiet woofs and tiny splish splashes 🧡🐶🐈🐈🐈🐈🐢

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  39. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 3, 2026, evening

    It has absolutely changed my entire being, yes, that's a great way to word it. Thanks for all the kindness (now and always), Sonbol <3

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  40. W
    will p.
    July 3, 2026, evening

    nic! so grateful for you and for all the goodness and wisdom you share. thank you. sending all strength and care and appreciations your way for this moment (& beyond). 💜

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  41. N
    Nic Antoinette Author
    July 3, 2026, evening

    Received! Thanks so much, Will <3

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  42. L
    Lara Clements
    July 7, 2026, evening

    Wishing you all the very best and huge thanks for all the very many things you have shared, conversations you have curated and ideas. You have changed my thinking in so many ways and I am still so thankful I started listening to real talk radio. We will be here for you when and if the time is right. Sending love, Lara

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  43. M
    Madison
    July 11, 2026, evening

    So much love and care for you, always, and in every possible form. Thank you for taking care of yourself <3

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