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Thank you for the reply Nic. These are all very helpful considerations for most people’s needs but not so much in my case — where I’ve never been able to match the feeling, never been able to shake it, truly never been able to go more than a few days without coming back to it, after what is now a decade of hoping it would fade. The sort of thing where at this point I kind of just have to assume it will always be there, etched into me somewhere. If I even knew how to find that feeling somewhere else, and I haven’t yet, I don’t think it would stop this one anyway. Not sure I can list-make my way out of this one haha.

But such is life I suppose. Not just in the sense that things are out of our control, but also that sometimes things just… are. I will always have this unquenched fire. There’s a blessing in something eternal, even if it can’t be shared.