Summer Reruns
💰 Gimme $2 for a new art studio deposit.
Because of some personal BuLLsHiT this week I didn’t have time to write a new newsletter. Also, it’s summer. So here’s an old one from last October that might be new to a lot of people, and useful to even more. The links at the bottom are fresh!
This week’s question comes to us from Maria Arango-Kure:
How do you get past the utter disappointment in everyone and everything, and the feeling that you can’t make a difference, to pick yourself up and try to make things better?
TL;DR: By helping others, and focusing on the things you can fix.
Look, there’s a lot going on right now. (I feel that moving forward this will be an evergreen statement.) And I’m not the sort of person to tell you to block it all out and focus on ”self-care” because I think it’s important to be engaged, and to be community-driven, and to get angry and let (the right) people know it once in a while. But you need to do all of these things while also keeping an eye on your own sanity. You also need to understand what you can and can’t change, within any given set of circumstances.
I’m gonna be a little bit of a jerk here and challenge your question. You haven’t been disappointed by everyone and everything, because you haven’t met everyone or done everything. I totally get what you mean, of course. After all, 2024 was the year we found out how many of our friends were okay with genocide, and it was more than a few. So maybe take a look at the people and the things that are causing you that disappointment and either cut them out of your life, or minimize your exposure to them, even if it’s just temporary.
It’s also really important to set boundaries with people. For example, you might care about your racist Uncle Bob. You may even love your racist Uncle Bob. (Life is complicated that way.) But it’s perfectly fair to call your racist Uncle Bob out on his racist bullshit, ask him to stop, and if he refuses to do so, to minimize your exposure to him. That’s the finding out part of fucking around. Uncle Bob doesn’t get to exploit your love to spew racism. Will this change Uncle Bob into a better person? Most likely no. But being exposed to his bullshit is most likely changing you into a worse person.
I will also challenge you on the idea that you can’t make a difference. While there are absolutely things out there in the world that seem (and probably are) too big to make a difference about right now, there’s a lot of things that you can do to help people, and they have an impact.
That lady in front of the burrito place every night asking for money to eat? While you certainly can’t change the socio-economic conditions that put her in that position right this very second, you can probably find a 5-spot in your purse or wallet for her.
That new family who just moved in across the street? Have you introduced yourself yet? You can tell them where the good local sandwich spots are. Do they have a kid? You can ask the kid what their pronouns are.
Your roommate left a dirty dish in the sink? Fuck it, just wash it.
You really really wanted to watch the Sixers game today, but your wife is super excited that Eurovision is on? The Sixers play 82 games a year, my man. (This example is very specific.)
I am forever amazed at the effect a “Good morning!” from a passing stranger has on me. Changes whatever crap mood I might be in. Just wild.
A while ago, when Twitter was still Twitter and not as much as a Nazi cesspool, I’d jump in and ask people if anyone needed a pep talk. People would reply, sometimes telling me what was going on with their day, sometimes not. And I’d answer with some version of “You got this!” or “You can do it.” The truth is that I was doing it for very selfish reasons. I was the one who needed the pep talk. But giving them to other people made me feel better.
We feel better when we find ways to make other people feel better. Kindness towards others is like a sandwich that feeds two.
So while you may not be able to change the big things, at least not by yourself, and most definitely not right this very second, there are things we can do all day long, every day, that improve other people’s lives. In small ways which eventually add up.
The secret is it will improve your life as well.
You got this!
🙋 Got a question for me? Ask it! I’ll be back to answering questions next week.
📣 If asking questions is your thing, Erika is doing a research workshop on July 17. It’s quite enjoyable, and you will learn a lot.
📣 If you want to get over your nerves while presenting your work or applying for a job, I can help with that. The next confidence workshop is July 31 and Aug 1.
📓 Design educators! If you’re looking to get some copies of Design is a Job for incoming students, they are here. If you are with a community college, or library, or HBCU, or basically anyone that’s not Columbia, hit me up and we can strike a deal.
🍉 Please donate to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund.