This week’s question comes to us from Nika:

I am 14 years old. I have friends my age. They’re nice, I like them, but they are sort of boring—even the weird ones!—and it’s hard to have engaging conversations. How do I get through high school like this?

High school sucks. Every day I wake up and give thanks that I’m not in high school anymore. The only thing worse than high school is middle school, and your reward for getting through middle school is to get thrown in high school. I’m sorry.

The worst part of high school might be that your parents—who previously went on at great lengths to anyone that would listen about the inadequacies and failures of the American school system like the good stylish Marxists that they probably were—will now demand that you get straight As in all your classes, do all your homework, develop lasting friendships, and respect the authority of your school administrators. Mostly because they don’t want to get calls from the school. I’m sorry for that as well.

I also had a terrible time in high school. I went to high school a long time ago, and even though odds are high that we’re still using the same textbooks, it feels like a lot of the things that have changed between now and then would’ve made high school an even worse experience for me. For example, cell phones and social media. Whatever embarrassing incidents might’ve happened back then were witnessed by a few people, did their time through the grapevine, and eventually got moved on from. Even though it felt like forever back then, getting stuffed in a locker had a pretty short shelf life. It didn’t get posted on social media for the whole world to see. Which is brutal. So as hard as high school was while I was going through it, I can only imagine how much harder it is now. So I feel your pain.

Now, you seem like an interesting kid, so I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Most people are boring. Yes—even the weird ones. And that’s ok. Because everyone is who they are, and we love everyone as they are. And mostly, because I’d rather deal with boring people than cruel people.

Now I’m going to let you in on a big secret: everyone is interesting. Even the boring people. In their own amazing way. I guarantee you that everyone you know is interesting in a way you haven’t figured out yet. Your job is to figure out what that is!

So my advice would be to stop having conversations with these kids, because a conversation requires both parties to be engaged and interested in the same way. Instead, just do little fun interviews with the other kids. Ask them what they’re into. Ask them what their favorite foods are. Ask them what games they like to play. Be genuinely curious about who they are and what they do. And then really listen to their answers. Because I guarantee you, all of those “boring” kids will have at least one interesting thing to tell you. Maybe you’ll find out that one of those kids is really into pencils, and while pencils might seem like a really boring thing to be into, the fact that someone is really into them? That’s interesting. Ask them how many pencils they have. Ask them what their favorite pencil is. Ask them how pencils are made. Watch as they get super excited as they tell you everything they know about pencils. Maybe one of those “boring” kids is really really into Taylor Swift, and while Taylor Swift may not be your cup of tea (or maybe she is!) don’t you wanna know why someone is that much into something? I do! And the fact that you’re asking them about what they care about will make them feel good about themselves. And making people feel good about themselves is great. You’ll learn something, and you might make a friend.

Everyone is interesting. It’s your job to figure out in what way. And sometimes, kids are just shy. You have to be interested in them to get them to warm up to you.

Also, having “boring” friends will be incredibly useful when you get older because your parents are tracking you on your phone, and you can leave your phone at your boring friend’s house while you go out committing crimes.

❤️‍🩹 I am rushing to send this out today because I am joining the General Strike tomorrow. No school (that means you, Nika), no work, no buying shit. We stand with the people of Minnesota. Fuck ICE. There is probably a march, or a gathering, or a protest where you live. If you’re in SF I’ll see you at Dolores Park at 1pm.

🙋 Got a question? Ask it! I’ll give a meandering answer that may or may not help you. Roll the dice!

📓 My new book, How to die (and other stories), is available for pre-order! It’s SO handsome. You’ll be so glad you got one.

🖤 RIP Dan McQuade, a good Philly Guy.

🍪 If you’ve been thinking to yourself “man, I really want to help people in Minnesota, but I also want some cookies, AND I’d also like to help out trans, neurodiverse, and BIPOC youth“ boy oh boy do I have some good news for you!

📣 The next Presenting w/Confidence workshop is scheduled for February 19 and 20. Get a ticket and get over all your fears and anxieties. Yes, all of them!

💰 If you’re enjoying this newsletter you can give me $2/mo to encourage my bullshit (by which I mean help pay my rent)

🍉 Please donate what you can to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund.

🏳️‍⚧️ Please donate what you can to Trans Lifeline.

All this brutality is interconnected. None of us are safe until we’re all safe.

❤️