We Are Not Our Achievements
A liberating shift: we're processes, not entities.
"I'm so proud of you!"
Words we hear from loved ones after a big achievement – a promotion, an award, a finished project. But how often do we hear, "I'm so proud of your effort"?
Rarely.
It's no wonder we define ourselves by accomplishments. We become "a writer," "a success," or even "a failure." These labels become our world, a world of fixed entities.
In this world:
Outcomes are everything: We're anxious, busy chasing the next achievement.
Identities are fragile: Our self-worth depends on external validation.
Fear of failure rules: We avoid risks that might threaten our “successful” image.
The present is neglected: We're too focused on the future.
But what if we embraced the idea that we are processes – constantly evolving, learning, and changing?
Imagine:
A river isn't a body of water, but its flow.
A song isn't its title, but its sound.
We aren't our labels, but our consistent actions.
In this world:
Anxiety fades: There's less pressure to achieve specific outcomes.
Self-acceptance blossoms: We relish being works in progress.
Resilience rules: Setbacks become learning opportunities.
Life is lived now: We appreciate each moment.
Intrinsic motivation thrives: Joy exists in the doing itself.
The writer isn't a published book, but the daily act of writing. The artist isn't a finished masterpiece, but the ongoing habit of creation.
We are what we consistently do.
The true accomplishment is the commitment to constant action. It's showing up, day after day. It's engaging with life, in motion.
Let's reflect on one area of our lives where we tend to define ourselves by outcomes. How could we shift to a process-oriented mindset there?
In process,
/rajesh
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It's funny because what you discuss above, I can fully acknowledge when I look at others. I have seen friends try to achieve greater things, fail, and yet I feel a high degree of respect for them because they took that leap toward achieving something special. But when I look at my own self, a repeat failed businessman, I do acknowledge the pride in having pushed myself beyond what the average person does, yet I am still left with immense shame in that I have not achieved the success that I have repeatedly fought for. Though I would not feel that way towards another person who did the exact same thing as I. Maybe it's because I personally have to suffer the loses, and that's why I have to be tougher and less forgiving for my own failures, where I don't suffer the loses that others do when they strive and fail, and that's why I can look at their attempts to achieve with less criticism than I do with my own failures.
Great reflection, Artie. Thank you.
It's true in so many walks of our life that the way we treat others, judge them, or evaluate their success is quite different from the way we apply those ideas to ourselves.
You also used the phrase "achieved the success that I have repeatedly fought for". What if we looked at success not as a definitive achievement but as a flow of actions over our entire project? Would we then feel satisfied with the actions we took and the choices we made (not knowing the future, of course)? To put it differently: If our expected success had happened, would we then look back* at all those choices and actions of ours as objectively better?
As we know "achieving success" at a point in time requires a share of luck (in addition to our efforts). This luck factor is obviously beyond our control. But the effort we put in -- our process and work-ethic -- is entirely under our control. So it makes sense to only hold ourselves accountable to what we can control.
There's also this phrase: "less forgiving of my own failures." What if failure was defined as not giving our best effort to the actions we have committed to rather than whether the end result meets our set expectations?
And, lastly, about "criticism": Being critical of what we perceive as our failures is great. Its an opportunity to deeply learn from what didn't work out to our expectations. When this learning happens from our projects' results, then how could we call it a failure? After all, those lessons are what help us gain the wisdom to do our work better than we ever did.
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