The Weekly Whatever: Justified Variant of Mu Mu
MAGAbook: During the election, misinformation on Facebook got six times the engagement of actual news. This should end well: America set up a massive...
The Weekly Whatever: At least it isn't horse de-wormer
Law and order Man robbed of 16 bitcoin hunts down the criminals responsible, and sues their parents. Update on a previous story: Judge rules parents must pay...
The Weekly Whatever: Kabul Needs Pillows!
Graceful product plug of the week “How would you like to be in Kabul today, as an American, and you can’t get to the airport? Where are you thinking your...
The Weekly Whatever: Chuffed to bits
“Building a version of iOS that bypasses security in this way would undeniably create a backdoor. And while the government may argue that its use would be...
The Weekly Whatever: Delta plus ungood
Law and order Apple announces plans to backdoor iMessage and scan all your photos for the government, says to think of the children. Hawaiian authorities...
The Weekly Whatever: Gangster gardening
Doom Happy Earth Overshoot Day! Over half the deer tested in Michigan have been exposed to SARS-CoV-2. Meeting attendees at the QAnon conference in Dallas....
The Weekly Whatever: Guaranteed Olympics-free
Quote of the week Rachel Crane, CNN: “There have been a chorus of critics saying that these flights to space are, you know, just joyrides for the wealthy,...
The Weekly Whatever: Scott Morrison is no Ted Nugent
Drug news Ben & Jerry’s — but for dogs. UK drug dealers now offering “ethically sourced” “environmentally friendly” cocaine. Free heroin, cocaine and meth...
The Weekly Whatever: A radioactive boar?
"The American Conservative" argues that mass graves of indigenous people are good, actually. One in four cowboys was black. Trout are becoming meth addicts....
The Weekly Whatever: The burned out roman candles of last week's news
Ukraine makes women soldiers march in heels. FBI investigator turns apple detective. US athlete Sha’Carri Richardson banned from Olympics for taking...
The Weekly Whatever: Arctic sunbathing and space squid
Social media is a major threat to humanity that we urgently need to research. Police interrupt exorcism in Home Depot. New York Times buys some Subway tuna...
The Weekly Whatever: Happiness is mandatory
Crayfish exposed to antidepressants are more adventurous. HAPPINESS IS MANDATORY. ARE YOU HAPPY? Meet the AirBnB crime scene cleanup crew! Toronto rallies to...
The Weekly Whatever: available at an Amazon Basics Wellness Booth near you
Animal Magic Birds are not impressed with magic tricks. Cats love boxes so much they'll sit in ones that are optical illusions. Wandering meatloaf has teeth...
The Weekly Whatever: Mostly anuses
When life gives you 17 year cicadas, make 17 year cicada cookies. We have very little idea where anuses come from... ...but this worm has 100 of them. Anti-...
The Weekly Whatever: One per day
Given the chance, 96% of users decide to opt out of app tracking. Dementia patients used morse code to break out of a secure senior living facility....
The Weekly(ish) Whatever: Mayday
Astrology app gets $15m in venture capital funding. Ever wonder how many surfaces your cat’s butthole touches? The great Josh fight of 2021. Former Trump...
The Weekly(ish) Whatever: I prescribe more birds
More birds make you as happy as more money. Verizon recalls wireless hotspots for being too hot. Government audit of AI software with ties to white supremacy...
The Weekly Whatever: Wormnado!
Capitol riot suspect arrested while wearing "I was there" T-shirt. You wouldn't download a vaccine... Uber coached drivers how to reject blind customers...
The Weekly Whatever: Dick Ship to Dick Island
That container ship is still stuck in the Suez Canal. The path it travelled looked kinda like a dick. You’d better believe QAnon has theories. Facebook...
The Weekly Whatever: a 3 headed duck in your mailbox
Facebook can’t be fixed because they’ve built their business around being the problem. They say polarization is a good thing, citing the civil rights...
The Weekly Whatever: March 378th 202020202020
Religious news American pastor says you’ll go to work in Heaven, but you’ll enjoy it because there won’t be any government regulations. Forget about the CPAC...
The Weekly Whatever: A Fungible Non-Token
News from Texas ERCOT accidentally overcharged power companies $16 billion during the Texas power crisis, but Texas has no plans to revise the bills, and one...
The Weekly Whatever: Does not count as essential travel or daily exercise
What's it like being named Rona right now? Capitol rioter texted his ex to call her a moron and boast about dodging tear gas — so she turned him in. UK...
The Weekly Whatever: Cancun Cruz
Quotes of the week: No one owes you or your family anything; nor is it the local governments responsibility to support you during trying times like this!...
The Weekly Whatever: Delayed snowmageddon edition
Quote of the week: “We did not send him there to vote his conscience. We did not send him there to do the right thing or whatever he said he was doing. We...
The Weekly Whatever: Not written by spinach
Editor of Quillette discovers he's been washing his hair with dog shampoo. Tesla made money in 2020 — but it wasn't by selling cars. Knife-wielding squirrel...
The Weekly Whatever: Congressional Frazzledrip Edition
Quote of the week: “The reason the market is doing what it’s doing is people are sitting at home getting their checks from the government, okay, and this...
The Weekly Whatever: Thought loss-leader
Professional video gamer forced into retirement at 25 due to thumb injury. Finally, a perfectly preserved dinosaur butthole gives us a chance to learn more...
The Weekly Whatever: I've got more Twitter followers than Donald Trump
US employers cut 140,000 jobs in December: they laid off 156,000 women and hired 16,000 men. Woman who claims she can tell the future using asparagus has...
The Weekly Whatever: Only 362 shopping days 'til Christmas
“I’m not wearing a mask when around my family like the CDC requests and we are traveling so we’ll take our chances. And to top it off we are huggers so there...
The Weekly Whatever: It's not really cyberpunk unless it's from Mondas
“Infants, kids, teens, young people, young adults, middle aged with no conditions etc. have zero to little risk…so we use them to develop herd…we want them...
The Weekly Whatever: 11 shocking days 'til xmas
Hungarian anti-gay politician caught by police fleeing from 25-man orgy, resigns. Anti-mask doctor who spoke at a Trump rally isn’t a doctor any more. You...
The Weekly Whatever: WYSIWTF
(Racist) quote of the week: Trump campaign witness alleging voter fraud in Michigan: “I think Chinese all look alike. How can you tell? If some Chow shows...
The Weekly Whatever: News leftovers
Scientists team up for €2.8m project to recreate the stench of 16th Century Europe. Now you can boot your original IBM PC from a vinyl LP. Fucking finally...
The Weekly Whatever: I won the election
Quote of the week: For many people this is their final Thanksgiving, believe it or not. […] It’s not about just stopping cases of COVID-19. — Dr Scott Atlas,...
The Weekly Whatever: Moving from the Potomac to the Nile
Scientists discover a strange "deficit in theory-of-mind ability" among people on the autism spectrum: they stick to their moral principles even when they...
The Weekly Whatever: Live from the Four Seasons
Trump team announces press conference at Four Seasons in Philadelphia. Not the hotel, though, they (accidentally?) booked space at Four Seasons Total...
The Weekly Whatever: 100% of your recommended weekly doomscrolling in one convenient dose
If you send someone a link to a file in Facebook Messenger, Messenger will download the entire file so it can preview it — even if the file is gigabytes in...
The Weekly Whatever: Lich McConnell finds the Hand of Vecna
British supermarket sends a chicken nugget into space. The IRS audits the poor more than the rich. Why? Because it’s cheaper. Naked teenager covers himself...
The Weekly Whatever: Court-packingly good
Scientists study science-defying eight year old mummified Twinkie. Japanese amusement park turns ferris wheel into WiFi-enabled remote workspaces. Hormel...
The Weekly Whatever: And we're back
Here's what happened: My job was eliminated because of the pandemic. For several months nothing was funny, and for the sake of my sanity I mostly stayed away...
The Weekly Whatever: Suspended for the time being
I'm afraid this newsletter is suspended while I deal with some personal stuff. In the mean time, why not check out some opossums having a birthday party with...
The Weekly Whatever: roving gangs of wise guys
Quote of the week Aunt Jemima was canceled… She was a picture of the American dream. She was a freed slave who went on to be the face of the pancake syrup...
The Weekly Whatever: Ronapaloser in Tulsa
Wait, what? Ted Cruz challenges Ron Perlman to wrestle Jim Jordan after feud with Matt Gaetz. Homeopaths sell injections containing lead, mercury, deadly...
The Weekly Whatever: Not written by AI
Quote of the week In advance of the publication of this article, staff at MSN were told to expect a negative article in the Guardian about alleged racist...
The Weekly Whatever: Black Lives Matter
Woodpecker engineering Wallpaper image causes Google phones to brick themselves. SQL injection in email causes helpdesk to wipe itself. Wait, what? Spanish...
The Weekly Whatever: From one unit of capital stock to another
Quote of the week “Our capital stock hasn’t been destroyed. Our human capital stock is ready to go back to work.” – White House advisor Kevin Hassett...
The Weekly Whatever: Memento hikikomori
Quote of the week “I want the United States to be a developing nation.” – Donald Trump Wait, what? Half of FOX News viewers believe Bill Gates is plotting to...
The Weekly Whatever: If you don't look for it, it doesn't exist
Quote of the week When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn't do any testing we would have very few...
The Weekly Whatever: Great Success
Quote of the week That’s one of the reasons we’re successful, if you call losing 80 or 90 thousand people successful. – Donald Trump. Threat Level Orange...