Hello, Gazers of the Gorgeous Moon!
It’s been a little while since I’ve updated! When I began this newsletter last year, my goal was for it to become a monthly release. The interceding months saw my seeking a new home, eventually finding one, then moving into it.

The commotion is settling, and with it my new writing schedule is falling into place. I’m still experimenting with that and the focus of this newsletter. Between this, my Patreon, and other sites where you can find my writing—like Medium and my website—I expect to have lots of new content forthcoming.

For now, expect monthly updates about my writing, which may include essays and other bonus content.

This month I’m sharing a bonus scene that was originally cut from my 2021 novel, The Calyx Charm (check out the book page for buy links if you haven’t read it already!). Please be aware the scene is explicitly erotic. Scroll to the last section of this letter to read.

Let me know if you enjoy, because I have other deleted and bonus material to share, and will no doubt have more in the future for all my fiction. :)

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Writing Update!

I have two new novels in the works! These are both tentative titles, but I hope to have news about each in the coming months.

The Land of Grievous Wonders: Epic fantasy with a romance plot; F/F, cis lesbian lead characters. A cynical lesbian engineer plots against the state alongside her demon companion to save her dying sibling. She accidentally seduces a buff lady knight in the process, and winds up falling in love herself.

This book is complete and is going through revisions; hopefully I’ll have exciting news about its publication soon!

The Last King of Heaven: Fairytale-esque fantasy romance with historical elements; trans F/cis M. A fallen prince, a royal curse, and a local miracle worker cross paths in a pseudo-historical fantasy world. Love ensues.

I’m only beginning this book, but it’s been tremendous fun so far. Stay tuned for news about its progress!

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I originally wrote three full sex scenes for The Calyx Charm. Revisions, however, involved a fair amount of cutting to improve the pacing of the novel. I cut a number of scenes that I was very fond of, one of which was the third sex scene. I cut it because it felt the least narratively lode-bearing of the three, but it was also the sex scene I found most gratifying to write for this book.

So I'm sharing it with you here, and may upload other deleted scenes as well. You can also receive bonus material like this by becoming a subscriber of my Patreon.

This scene originally took place between Chapter Fifteen and Chapter Sixteen. It was after Violetta and Tibario came to stay at the Fragrant Rose, but before the mount toward the book's climax (heh). 

Please enjoy!

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Violetta woke me up before dusk.

I blinked sleep from my eyes. Violetta looked down at me with faint sunset ghosting its fingers across her hair from our draped window. A strange mood radiated from her brow. We lay together in our tangled sheets, a silk slip covering her skin.

I brushed some curls away from her face. “What’s the matter? Did something frighten you?”

She shook her head, slightly frantic. Her voice was quiet, trembling. “Worse than that. I just realized something, all of a sudden. I feel . . . good. Better than I ever have in my life.”

I frowned, the blur between sleeping and waking leaving me a touch confused. “I don’t think I understand.”

“Neither do I.” She laughed self-deprecatingly, bowing her head. “I shouldn’t have woken you up. I just wanted . . . to be sure you were still there, I think.”

“Mm.” I cuddled her close, let her settle into my chest. Her breath calmed. That was nice. She was so warm. Had other peoples’ bodies always been this warm? Or was it uniquely her, pulsing comfort into me like an act of kindness? “Tell me about it.”

“I’m afraid of being happy.” She sighed, locked our gazes once again. Darkness was falling, but the dark violet of her eyes shone through the shadows. “Because that’s what I am right now. Every now and then, over these past couple days, I’ve caught myself forgetting. Forgetting that a dragon-soul is coming, that the prophecy is at hand. Because here we are. Father hasn’t struck, you’ve stood up to your mother. Weifan and Rosalina are here. I wake up next to you every night. Weeks ago I was mourning your death, and here you are. In all your wicked glory.”

She ran a hand down my bare abdomen, extracting twitches of sensitivity from me. In spite of her gravid tone, the lightness and ease between our bodies excited me. My dick stiffened as if called by her touch. I caught her hand and kissed it.

“I just can’t believe it.” She quirked a sorry smile, as if apologizing for enjoying any of it. “I keep expecting to blink and wake up, to find you still dead, Father still at my heels. Then I tell myself this is really happening, that I can relax—but then I remember. It’s always in that order, every time. I remember that, wait, I can’t relax. Because we only have days left. I finally get to be happy, and it terrifies me. Because now I get to lose the happiness, too. I have the chance to taste what’s going out of this world. The life we could have lived. I’ve been afraid of prophesying it because I didn’t want to see it if I could never experience it. I didn’t want to taunt fate by looking it in the face. But now it’s here. And I don’t know that to do.”

We lay there for a time. I absently stroked her hair, digesting what she’d said. She was gently still now, as if speaking this aloud had exorcised it from her for a time. Then, I tilted her chin up.

“I think I understand now. When I look back, it reminds me of how I’ve always been with Mamma. Time after time, I wanted to question her, leave home and live a different life. I never let myself truly feel how badly I wanted this. Guilt stopped me, every time. Like I thought I might be happier if I stopped being the left hand of House Gianbellicci, and that was the problem. It seemed wrong to be happy without Mamma. Like I didn’t deserve happiness if it meant separating from her. Do you feel like you don’t deserve it?”

Her nod was slow, thorough.

I kissed her forehead. “What if that’s why the calyx charm doesn’t come to you anymore? It would make you safer, happier. If you had it, a lot of problems would be fixed. Maybe you don’t feel you’re allowed that?”

She shrugged helplessly. “My powers only seem to become more of a mystery the older I get, not less. I seem to have always feared happiness. Why didn’t it matter during the War of the Doves? I’m afraid desire will always betray me.”

Warmth surged through me—this, at least, I could give her. “This is one thing you can be certain of. No amount of desire can hurt you now, if this is the end. Even if only for this few days, it’s safe to be happy now. And if a miracle comes along and gives us more time, it will be safe to be happy for another few days more.”

She brightened, the corner of her mouth tilting up. “That might be the best thing I’ve ever heard. Why haven’t I ever thought of it that way? Surely it can’t hurt for tonight, or tomorrow. Even if your mother may have been right. Maybe it did take despair to bring us together, but that also means that taking what we can get isn’t making it worse.”

Mamma’s words stung in part because, intentionally or not, she was revealing the code of my life. Act as if you have all the time in the world to keep playing the game, but therefore never trust that you can walk away with what you’ve already won. Always push for more, even if it means losing what you have.

It appeared abruptly like more wasn’t possible. We had now. That was all I’d ever really wanted.

Holding Violetta close, I began kissing her neck before catching myself. “Ah. Sorry. I didn’t think.”

She made a curious humming sound. “I . . . was hoping you’d keep going. We’ve only had sex twice, but the rules have all changed. If I only have so long with you, the fear seems less powerful. Like I want every pleasure we can have, even if I might get hurt. You know what maybe my favorite moment was, making love with you?”

Heat rose under my skin. “I hesitate to guess. You cumming in my ass is high on the list for me.”

She snickered adorably. “It was when I asked you to confess your fantasies. You trusted me to hear them. That was as good as an orgasm. You shared your desires with me, and it made me feel like my desires are all right, too. Because that was always the hardest part. Not the touching, not the pain. It was the way desire became sabotaged. I felt like a monster for wanting anything. But not with you.”

Not with me. That hit me in the pit of my stomach, drew joy and tenderness and lust from my depths. I kissed her again, going slowly, but unable to express my affection with anything but touch. She leaned in, whimpering sweetly as I licked the delicate skin under her ears and above her collarbone.

In the next few minutes she was shifting to lie on top of me, the two of us tasting each other. Without thought, I kicked off my drawers, melted into the sensation of my naked skin and throbbing dick against her legs. She was naked under her slip, once again the contrast of nudity and clothing feeling magical, embarrassing but thrilling. I trusted her with my desire. Perhaps that was why obeying her, letting her lead the play, felt so invigorating. Our common struggle seemed to be with desire, the desires we allowed ourselves, and those that burned on in our denied secret corridors, defining us with their concealed power and beauty. Because my desire for her felt beautiful. It spangled my life with rare color and meaning, the light of cherished dreams and precious somedays.

She pulled back, panting, her lips tantalizing swollen already. “I remember one of your fantasies was getting to fuck me in the ass. You still haven’t gotten the chance.”

My breath quickened, the mental image pushing me to rock hardness. “I didn’t want to pressure you. Besides. I like following your lead. A lot.”

Her own breathing had taken on the energy of a hummingbird’s wings. God, hearing her breathe like that arousing. “But all I can think of now is how you said you wanted to be inside me. Do you still want that, Tibario? For me to feel you in me, for your pleasure to leave a mark?”

She spoke with a nigh trance-like quality, as if I were being put under a spell. “Yes. Fuck, Vi. If I could take off a piece of myself and let it become part of you, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

She leaned back into the pillows, reaching down to peel her slip over her head. She became beautifully, shockingly naked. I was so used to her being partly clothed during sex that the sight was vaguely naughty. Her firm little nipples, the flush running down her freckled throat to her shoulders and sides, the delicately pretty shape of her dick. I wanted to taste her. On impulse, I swept forward, licking down her neck to her chest, enjoying the chorus of gasps and mewls it pulled from her. I didn’t ask permission this time, only followed the cues her body gave. I flowed like water over the lines of her pleasure, the instinctive yes response that slowly joined our bodies together like mingling lights.

“Fuck me,” she panted, her fingers trembling in my hair. She pulled me to her so hard that my eyes went wide from the erotic thrill. Oh. Violetta pulling my hair was a good thing. “Please fuck me. I shouldn’t need much preparation, I just.” She gulped audibly, said no more.

I was nodding as I twisted back to pull some oil from our nightstand, actions all blurring together. I shook while I oiled my hands; she was trembling, I was trembling, we were both like fumbling teenagers tripping on our desires. The united lack of composure was startlingly hot.

I descended on her again, slick hands becoming miles of glossy skin, saliva and oil and sweat mingling to anoint our nude bodies. She really did blush all the way down. I massaged her perineum, feeling the electric tension of her muscles clenching and relaxing, her soft pink asshole almost scalding hot against my fingers. My heart was about to burst from my chest. God in fucking heaven.

My dick rubbed the line from her asshole to her balls, the flush spreading along the contact as if I were filling her with heat. She kept gasping, wild uncontrolled breaths of desire, fingers of one hand tight around my bicep and the other curled in my hair. “Pull my hair again,” I whispered, taking another kiss and increasing my pace. “Please. If you want to.”

There. Almost a yank, her tension making it sharp. Fuck, yes. I positioned so she was fully under me now, arcing my back to press the tip of my dick against her quivering anal ring. The warmth pulsing from her was intoxicating. She could burn me up, reduce me to a puddle of desire, and I’d come back for more once I was cooled.

We weren’t looking into each other’s eyes now. The blurring together was too frantic, too awkward and erotic and physical. She tightened her grip in my hair, a lightning bolt of excitement running from my scalp to my balls. Maybe I could ask her to bite me. I rather wanted to bite her, see how it felt. That soft, slick skin in between my teeth, the taste of sweat and cum and hallowed flesh.

Then it happened. She made shaky noises that meant nothing except to go on, to just do it. The heat of her ring was unbearable. In a controlled stroke, I was penetrating her. The tight band of muscle opened and closed around my dick, a shocking furnace of sensation. It sucked me in, forced me to arc forward and thrust halfway into her hole. “Fuck, fuck, you’re so hot inside.” The words fell from me like drops of sweat, involuntary, undisguised. My mind was blank of everything but the animal force of the connection. “I never knew you’d be this soft inside. God fuck it, Vi.”

She ran both hands through my hair now, erratic tugs keeping me close to her face. I tilted my hips, sunk into a feverish rhythm, the oil and sweat squelching satisfyingly with each thrust. It felt so, so good to be able to truly thrust into her. Her ring was tight, strong, but the way she adjusted her position, the rhythmic clenching and relaxing, told me she knew what she was doing. Why was that such an absurdly arousing realization?

Her hips rose and fell in time with my thrusts, my head still locked in position from her grip on my scalp. The sting of pulled hair was like magic against the contrast of her slick, pulsating asshole. “Bite me,” I said, embarrassed at my own boldness. But I trusted her to say no if she wanted. “Bite my lip. If you want.”

The intensity of her gasps was like a storm falling on me. She tugged a lock of hair, kissed my mouth and nipped my lower lip. I thrusted hard, my strokes long and eager, almost afraid I’d hurt her. Sparks of pain scattered through the pleasure, a disaster of hunger and sensation. I wanted to be laid low by this. I wanted to be burned down.

I slowed my hips, adjusted to avoid penetrating her too deeply. But one of her ankles braced my lower back, and she breathed into my mouth, “No. Please. I want to feel it. Pound me, wicked cat.”

I gave in. She controlled where my head was, how open I was to being kissed and bitten and tugged, while I focused on the muscles in my thighs and simply arced into her. Over and over, her hole tightening and relaxing, the damp heat becoming overwhelming. My arms and legs seared with strain, but I could endure it. Supernatural strength was a welcome aid here. I could hold myself over her, fuck her into the mattress, and whimper as she opened me up from the other end.

Her tongue ran up my chin, teeth coming down hard on my earlobe. “Ah!” I cried out, losing control. I all but fell into her, my thrusts speeding up. Both of her legs were wrapped around me now, and we were a pool of panting, shivering limbs, she penetrated and me bitten.

“I want you.” The words were steam streaming from me. “I want to be inside you. Let the world end tomorrow. I want you forever, no matter how dangerous it is. Fuck danger.”

I thrusted in, the trembling interior hot around me, and orgasm eclipsed my senses. I was inside her completely, my cum filling her up. Her breath was a current of need in my ear, the ear caught between her teeth. Damp slicked the space between our bellies, my weight on her dick bringing her off. I pushed into it, let the sticky mess coat my abdomen. We dissolved into feverish breath and need and conjoined lust. We were inside each other now, in body as much as in spirit. Her heartbeat echoed mine, as if even my thoughts must be plain to her.

We lay there for several minutes, simply breathing, before nodding off again. I would probably be a bit sore the next day, but fuck it.

Sometime in the blur between sleeping and waking, she said, “I want you forever, too.”