So last night I went to see Shania Twain. It was my mum’s birthday and she booked the tickets months ago for her partner, my sisters and I to go to a concert together. She reads this newsletter so I’m obliged to say: hello mum! Happy birthday!

But I digress. Shania played her show and finished with the obvious encore: the one-two punch of That Don’t Impress Me Much followed by Man! I Feel Like A Woman.

Man, I felt like… a man. A pretty conspicuous man, really, given that the majority of concertgoers were middle-aged women in cowboy hats. I’ve been in this position only a couple of times in my life – eg. a minority. To be fair, there were still plenty of men at the concert, but quite a few of them looked similar to me and my stepdad – dragged along in attendance by someone else, and trying to look like they were enjoying themselves.

The difficult second newsletter – thanks to all the new subscribers who are interested in hearing about, well, man feelings. Turns out there are at least a few folks who think this is a good idea, which is equal parts encouraging and daunting. On with the issue!

Being a “fixer”

Are you a fixer? Someone who instinctively tries to repair things, I mean. Probably not in a DIY context— although I’m sure those people exist and might even be competent at it—but in the sense of assessing a new situation, deciding you’ve got the measure of it, and trying to step in and sort it out.

This is something I’ve heard frequently from my partner. It’s a fairly well-established cliche now of the oblivious person who immediately attempts to solve someone else’s problem as it’s described to them, instead of just shutting up and listening to it, which is what the other person actually wants. I’d like to think I’m better at this now than I used to be, but I wonder if it’s something that particularly afflicts men, given its close proximity to mansplaining.

I should begin by crediting my friend Annie for inspiring the creation of this newsletter. 

A few months ago, I was mouthing off on Twitter—quelle surprise—about the new Caitlin Moran book, What About Men?. I hadn’t actually read the book, but I was enjoying the various takedowns of it that were being published by other men. I think I was trying to express my frustration that a woman was writing about the lived experience of men, while acknowledging she had no idea what it’s like to be a man. What right did she have to assess what it’s like to be a man, let alone tell us how to do it better?

Annie was kind/patient enough to message me privately to challenge my take on the book – like me, she’s the mum of a young son and understandably concerned about his future. Unlike me, she’d actually read the book. She made some really good points in our discussion about what Moran has to say about the issues facing men, and the fact that prominent mainstream feminists are now speaking out about them. I promised her I’d read the book and get back to her.