You could power an entire (unwanted) data center with the power harnessed from the friendship of two girls in middle school.

1. My mom absolutely refused to allow me to watch raunchy teen comedies or buy magazines like Seventeen and there was basically a household ban on the propaganda. Kim was my source for that sort of contraband. I devoured those magazines and movies like the rice cakes I lived off of at the time. Looking back, my mom was smart for not wanting me to take in that shit LMAO. It was all very dominated by a white-thin-male gaze appeasing message and it warped my little baby brain.

2. Kim and I never really had a big falling out. Our friendship came to an end when we simply went our separate ways at the end of middle school. I chose to remain with my nerdy childhood friends while she dipped and starting hanging out with girls who had boyfriends. (Boys were a point of tension for us, even during the height of our time together, for one simple reason - she was getting attention and wanted to act on it. I wasn’t getting attention and was very resentful about it.)

3. I had my first (and last!) pierogi at Kim’s house. I didn’t like it.

4. Kim was very giving and incredibly thoughtful. She made me a care package when I went on a school trip for Odyssey of the Mind. The parcel contained two cassette tapes: a mixtape and a tape by an Australian folk group, a half eaten package of rice cakes, a handwritten note, a friendship bracelet and some stickers. Y’all, I held on to that shit for years. Except the rice cakes. I ate those suckers before the bus pulled out of the parking lot.

5. Kim had personal style and fashion bravery like no one I had ever met before. From the Orgy music video inspired eye shadow look she perfectly executed to the ability to find clothes ANYWHERE?? Simply unparalleled. I’ve been thrifting exactly once. You can thank Kim for that one. She talked me into purchasing a pair of orange trousers that I never wore because I just couldn’t get over the concept of thrifting at the time. Kim was also the first person to ever share clothes with me. She gave me a pair of Levi’s that I wore with my Doc Martens nearly every day.

6. This wasn’t really her fault, but I was Kim’s (reluctant) wingwoman. Boys would frequently pretend to be nice to me only to figure out how to crack the code of getting Kim’s attention. Also, she did stand me up once to go to the movies with a boy, but let’s not focus on that.

7. Kim believed in me. I had a singular crush for years. And it was BAD. However, she encouraged a delusional me to pursue it because she found me worthy when no boys did.

Kim’s gone now. She died a few years ago, I believe right around this time of year. I’ll never have the chance to try and catch up over a cup of coffee and see where our lives went once our friendship dissolved. Consider this public facing email my tribute to her. A series of memories that I wanted to put on wax, if you will, before they faded any further. Much internet in has been spilled about the queer subtext of teen girl friendships and I see how bits of this could read that way, but I would say this probably isn’t? But I’ve been wrong before.

P.S. I have a song for that! Bizarre Love Triangle by Frente!. A straightforward cover by an Australian folk group, notably from a cassette given to me by Kim.