Just Support: ⛅ Recharging Your Empathy
Working in support requires emotional labor. At least half of most support work is helping the customer feel better about their situation along with actually fixing the situation. As I mentioned in the previous newsletter, both halves of support work boil down to the understanding of complex systems. However, the effort connected with diving into and solving emotional situations cannot be expended without a cost.
Solving a complicated problem can bring some intrinsic satisfaction, and that riding the wave of continued fixes can buoy and propel a support worker through a day or even a few days. But it's inevitable that a problem cannot be solved to everyone's satisfaction, which will draw on but not replenish that joy of finding a solution. This is a normal, expected, and understood element of support work. This is why support workers should be training, learning new systems or seeking a better understanding of what they support, so that they have more knowledge and skill to draw upon when the time comes.
The emotional half of support work is the same way. A support worker who expends empathy in helping a customer feel better about their situation will receive a small boost when the customer is able to move on from their problem, satisfied. That "thank you" is a crucial part of the transaction. But, as anyone who does emotional labor can tell you, the amount of energy expended seldom is matched from the amount returned at the end of a successful interaction. Additionally, since humans are emotional beings, it's nearly impossible to avoid work emotions touching and drawing from non-work emotions. Customers, especially angry ones, can be mean and cruel, and, even with careful defenses built, it's normal for deeper, more personal feelings to get activated in a work interaction.
In a situation where you're emotionally triggered in a work situation, it's important to have the support from coworkers or leaders to step away and regulate your emotions in the moment. But that's only a quick fix. It's crucial for emotional workers to be doing non-work activities that help to bolster their emotions. Think of it as a deposit in the bank of your emotional wellbeing.
What follows is a list of ways you can make deposits in the bank. This list is far from comprehensive and also highly subjective, so it's definitely not a perfect list of every option you have to build up your store of expendable empathy. But this is a list of things that I have found work for me and for other people that I have been friends and coworkers with in my career.
Therapy
You should have a relationship with a therapist, and talk regularly. If your work offers a mental health benefit that includes talking to a human therapist, consider taking advantage of it. I had one that required some kind of "inciting event" but don't overthink it. "That was a rough call" is an inciting event. Seriously everyone who does support work should be talking to a therapist, if for no other reason than to process situations where a customer got under your skin and learn why and how to regulate when something like that happens again.
Touch Grass
Literally go outside. That's it.
No I'm kidding, that's not it. Go outside and, for a moment, focus on your senses
What you see
What you smell
What you hear (it's fall right now where I am, and rustling leaves are one of my favorite sounds)
What you feel (the sun, the wind, the rain? you may also feel the grass here)
What you taste (like, you could get a pumpkin spice latte or kumquat/calamansi green tea boba)
Taking a walk is nice. I use Pokemon Go and Pikmin Bloom to force me to go outside so that I can make progress in the game.
Spending time with pets outdoors is great too!
Art
Appreciating
Go to an art museum and walk around for an afternoon, looking at work that people have made. For this to really work, you might need to do more than just appreciate the aesthetics--find a piece you like and ask yourself why you like it. What was the artist trying to do with that piece? How does it make you feel?
Catch some live music. Doesn't have to be Taylor Swift on the Eras tour, it could just be a busker on the street, or a crappy local punk show.
Music--find your new jam or a classic album from your youth and blast it in your car or in your ears. Sing along if you want. Were you ever into emo?
Theater--I guarantee you that there's a local community or school theater near you where you can see a show. It might not be broadway but it'll be a fun and unique experience.
Movies--everyone has their own tastes here, but if you're a millennial and a parent, might I recommend one of the recent fantasies where parents apologize? Bonus for a movie that gives you a good cry when you need one. (Not to be your dad but you'll get more out of it if you're not on your phone at the same time.)
Creating
Crafting is amazing. It doesn't need to be good, the whole point of creating art is the act of creation itself rather than the finished product. Coloring books work here, or your can find little kits at your local big box store (I'm more than halfway done with an embroidery kit that says "pumpkin spice and everything nice"). Other things that 100% count as crafting or crafting-adjacent, since you're doing something with your hands:
soldering projects, like synthesizers or cool lights for your home or mechanical keyboards
pottery
painting & drawing
making wreaths or other decorations
flower arranging
model kits (cars or Gundams or ships or Lego or whatever)
woodworking
building things
gardening
making costumes or clothes or any kind of fiber arts like sewing or knitting or crochet
Making music is one of my favorite activities. I personally like to use synthesizers and drum machines (get a Pocket Operator if you want to start down the path of the beeps and boops) but you could play the guitar or the oboe or the drums! Or literally any instrument! You can also sing! Karaoke counts!
Cooking (the caveat here is that this can also just be typically day to day drudgery, but baking something exciting, or trying a new recipe, etc. is what I am getting at)
Collective activities with other humans
Sports--team sports are fun but even intramural stuff like pickleball, ultimate frisbee, frisbee golf is great. Even just pickup basketball or mini golf!
Tabletop Gaming meaning anything from Dungeons & Dragons to Magic the Gathering to Settlers of Catan to Bunco or even classic card games. I guarantee you have a local gaming store that has nights where you can drop in and learn. (Serious caveat: running a game as a DM/GM can often be emotionally draining!)
Dancing at a club or in a class or on stage
Acting like at a community theater or improv class
Singing in a choir or at a church service or other collective singing event (caroling?)
Spending time with people you care about, who you can relax around
Spending time alone
A great way to maximize this time, rather than making a todo list of every thing in your life that needs to be done, is to have a little ritual. This could be making a cup of coffee or tea in the slightly complicated way. Or going and sitting in a particular place and doing some breathing. Maybe you read some affirmations or journal or meditate or pray or take a hot bath. But for this to work, you need it to be special time that's set aside and independent of all of the pressing matters in your life, even if it's just for five minutes.
TAKING A NAP
Reading a book (I particularly love fantasy, scifi, and existential horror--for me this is different and distinct from reading non-fiction, which I like but feels like work where I am learning, rather than escapism. To each their own)
Finding the right things for you are going to take effort. It might be hit or miss. Don't give into the sunk cost fallacy, remember: "If it sucks, hit da bricks" Also, you can't and probably shouldn't rely on your employer to provide this. Yes, take advantage of programs, discounts, reimbursements, etc. that your job may offer, but don't let them own, control, or gatekeep the space that you need for your own mental health.
Thanks for reading the Just Support newsletter. Tell your friends! You can follow the newsletter on TikTok and Instagram, and you can find me on Bluesky and LinkedIn. I'm currently open for work, looking for full-time work in Support strategy, systems, operations, and training, and I am available for contract work and speaking engagements and one-off trainings as well! Send me an email if you're interested: ryan@justsupport.blog