tyn (moe)(2)

i'm thankful to be writing this on the stationary bike. i'm thankful for my crazy schedule that means that i'm at the gym at 11pm on a monday. i'm thankful to have pushed myself through the boundary of tiredness that comes for me at about 10:30pm every day. i'm thankful for the really great SEM images of my cells i got today. i'm thankful to see how happy they made the technician because she had never seen cells like mine. i'm thankful watching her be that happy made me proud of my cells and myself. i'm thankful for the ridiculously high levels of pride i get from work. i'm thankful for the technician-n who is always very kind and gracious and explains how to use the equipment every time i need to use it because i've usually forgotten how.

i'm thankful to be able to have dinner with i today. i'm thankful to have pushed through my usual social anxiety and met her. i'm thankful to think that i and i could be really good friends. i'm thankful to make brunch plans for sunday. 

i'm thankful for the 'luxury' of rapid cycling bipolar disorder. i'm thankful for normal days where it feels like i'm starting to get better. i'm thankful for how manic days feel like good days. i'm thankful for how the days blur into themselves. i'm thankful for relief, no matter how transient. i'm thankful for the flurry of planning that happens when i have 'good' days. i'm thankful for the crash that comes after. i'm thankful that planning these things ahead helps me when i'm depressed because then at least i get out of the house. i'm thankful today was a good day.

i'm thankful for the moment of panic i had today when my supervisor mentioned i had to have my viva before the 10th. i'm thankful that i did not reply out of panic. i'm thankful to have time tomorrow to email her explaining that my lse states i have to be informed three weeks before my viva. i'm thankful to hope it works. i'm thankful to remember that if it doesn't, i'll be fine. 

i'm thankful for the discussion i had with my therapist the other day. i'm thankful he explained to me how important routine is for my brain. i'm thankful for how much i hate routine. i'm thankful to embrace routine. i'm thankful to be excited about waking up at the same time every day and sleeping at the same time every day. i'm thankful for how bored this makes me feel.

i'm thankful to be listening to rob bell and elizabeth gilbert on the robcast. i'm thankful that listening to the podcast distracts me from the cycling. i'm thankful for how excited i was while downloading the podcast yesterday. i'm thankful for the chemistry between rob and elizabeth. i'm thankful to see the wisdom that comes with trying. i'm thankful for this quote from a celtic prayer of approach (the state in which you approach new situations) that elizabeth shared: 'i will not negotiate my withholding...i come with no cherished outcome'. i'm thankful for how i've sat on those phrases all day. i'm thankful to cultivate a sense of curiosity that could help with my creativity. i'm thankful to remember these phrases when someone comes to me with stuff they want to talk about. i'm thankful to remember that i don't have all the answers. i'm thankful it's okay. 

i'm thankful the headaches are back. i'm thankful to think that exercising will help alleviate them. i'm thankful to put my phone away and lift some weights.

- moe (5/31/2016). london

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