6/22
i'm thankful that d got me a poke bowl and my favorite candy bar for lunch yesterday. i'm thankful that we ate through all of the big container of lettuce we bought before it went bad or we got bored of having salad every night, which is good. i'm thankful that though the flavored ritz crackers we bought weren't as good as regular ritz crackers, they were still tasty. i'm thankful for tart green grapes, though i prefer sweet green grapes. i'm thankful that we finally got to talk to our friend jk on skype last night. i'm thankful that she was able to tell us about the things in her life she is struggling with and we were able to tell her about things in our lives we are struggling with. i'm thankful that she told us we are good gift givers and, since it was our anniversary yesterday, we were able to reminisce with gratitude to her about how when we first got married she was one of the first people we told and she sent us a wedding cake from a fancy bakery as a surprise, and last night she said that she had done it because she thought that since we were getting married just the two of us, without a ceremony, we wouldn't have thought of getting a cake, and she was right, and yet the cake was so wonderful, both symbolically and literally.
i'm thankful for the sensation, when one nostril is clogged, of it becoming unclogged so you can breathe through two nostrils again, which i think i have written about being thankful for before but which i am thankful for every time it happens. i'm thankful that though i have been struggling with writing these notes, which seems to resonate with other things in my life that have also been a struggle lately, which feels like all the other things in my life, i have continued to try to write them every day. i'm thankful to know i have struggled before and will struggle again but that there will be times in the future when i will struggle less.
i'm thankful for a weird vivid dream i had last night where we were in a supermarket parking lot and i had propped my bike against a dumpster while talking to d and some other people and i looked over and somebody was picking it up and taking it and i ran to him and took it back and said, "no, that's my bike," and he said, "no, it was in the trash, i can take it," and i disagreed and tried to walk away with it and he kept coming at me and eventually swung his hand at my face and somehow i bit off the tip of one of his fingers and spit it out and he was shaken but told me he owned lots of guns and that he was going to come for me when i least expected it and i was worried about me but mostly about something happening to d and then it cut to later and i was somehow in a car with him and these two girls and he was driving us into a field at the edge of a suburb and we got out of the car and he pointed a pistol at me and the girls we yelling "do it, do it," it kind of reminded me of spring breakers, and then he pulled the trigger and there was a click because the gun was unloaded and he and the girls laughed at me and told me to go away but i was so happy to not be shot that i didn't care and started walking happily home and that's when i woke up. i'm thankful i didn't get killed in my dream.
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