A few weeks ago, Nancy and I were walking to the apartment where we stayed in Chelsea during our recent trip to NYC. She said, “It feels like we could stay four more weeks, but we could also leave tomorrow — NYC will always feel like home for us,” and I couldn’t have agreed more. There are the obvious reasons: all the years we spent there, our relationships, and the personal and professional growth we experienced. It’s also the place where we met and eventually left what was then home to start a new adventure together.

I kept thinking about this feeling, especially because during the first year and a half after moving to Paris, I was very sensitive to the differences between NYC and Paris. I sometimes questioned our move, but never regretted it, yet something inside me was still working itself out.

I reflected on the places I’ve lived so far and what they all have in common: they each had a purpose. Stuttgart and Berlin had a purely educational and career-driven purpose, and I’m deeply grateful this happened in two cities I enjoyed so much. NYC was already a mix of a personal dream, a sense of “I belong here,” and an opportunity to advance my career by taking on more responsibility than ever before. Paris had the purpose of an adventure, a new chapter in life, a change of base while maintaining a close relationship with NYC.

Two things are clearer in hindsight: first, an adventure is a process, not an accomplishment. And second, maintaining a relationship with NYC (meaning visiting the city four to five times a year) required work that enabled me to do it.

This year felt like a great year on all fronts, with our engagement as the biggest highlight (not only of this year :)). I worked hard to be in the position I’m in now, and the most special part is that we’re in it together. We created the life we were seeking when we left NYC.

Over the past few days, when people asked me how our trip was and whether we miss living there, I was slightly surprised by my own answer: I feel that the place I live has become secondary — probably for the first time in my life. My identity and self-worth aren’t tied to a city or to where I work. I’m comfortable with myself, I’m comfortable in my relationship, I spend my time with good people, and I work on exciting projects.

In the end, one thing remains true: everything starts with yourself.