January 13, 2025

Give yourself a break | LISB

Hey y’all, 

We are almost two weeks into this new year, and I have had several conversations with folks who have had trouble sticking to their New Year Resolutions. Maybe you can relate.

You were going to go to the gym 5 times a week. Quit drinking. Meditate 20 minutes a day. Save 10% of your income. 

New Year, New You!

And two weeks into this year, you have eaten things you didn’t plan to, skipped a day at the gym, meditated twice, or overdrew your checking account.

Dammit! How did this happen, you ask? You had a plan!

But as Mike Tyson said, everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. Plans happen in a vacuum, and life, sadly, does not. So the healthy food remains in the cupboard, you haven’t saved $10 yet, and you’ve already had your first hangover this year. When life happened, your plans went out the window.

I have spent almost 20 years watching people dramatically change their lives despite horrific odds stacked against them. And in that same time, I have seen people with every advantage as their lives fell apart. I know a little bit about how people change.

The reality is, people change when they are ready to. People who are ready to stop smoking stop smoking. BUT, Deciding to change and then changing are not the only two steps. There are at least 6: Precontemplation (I’m not even considering quitting smoking), Contemplation (I ought to quit smoking - these things are gonna kill me.) Preparation (I’m searching Reddit for tips on how to quit smoking) Action (I tossed my last two packs in the trash!) Maintenance (I’m sucking on lollipops after I eat to keep from smoking.)

On New Year’s Day, you had taken Action, and so it was easy to think you had changed, but alas, change seldom adheres to random calendar dates. And also, because you had not considered the sixth stage of change: Relapse. 

In 12 step communities, where people desperately want to change, have taken concrete action to change, and have a support team to help them change, people still relapse an average of 7 times before achieving permanent sobriety. Relapse is part of change. 

Yes, I know it’s disappointing. But just because you relapsed does not change anything about you. It does not negate the work you did getting to the Action phase. You don’t have to wait until some random date to try again.

You can start being sober now, change how you eat at the next meal, or go for a walk this afternoon. If you are ready, you can change. Even if you have relapsed. Especially if you have relapsed. That just means you are one step closer to permanent change. 

So if your goals seem off track this year, give yourself some grace. Because you deserve the benefits of the change you are seeking. Because you already did the hard work of getting to the action stage. 

Because in this life it does not matter how many times we fall - it only matters how many times we rise. 

If you have a thing you are working to change this year that you want to share, hit reply - I would love to hear about it.

Five Beautiful Things

Hear Jeremy Iron’s read “The Folly of Being Comforted” by W.B. Yeats. There are so many layers to this poem - and so many interpretations. But honestly, I would pay money to listen to Jeremy Irons read a Starbucks menu out loud.

In the late sixties, an unknown photographer captured hundreds of color images of the counter-culture scene. Their work - including dozens of rolls of unprocessed film - was found in the 80’s, with no clue to who the photographer was. This story is fascinating. 

As someone who struggles with social media usage and who also recognizes the danger of being always online, I loved this interview with author and therapist Amelia Knott.

Montana photographer Clark Dunbar has taken stunning photographs of Montana indigenous folks at their powwows across the state, in their traditional regalia. (He has prints for sale too, at what seem like ridiculously low prices)

Dolly Parton, singing All Shook Up as if she were Elvis. I heart the internet sometimes. 

Members Only

Members get, among other occasional goodies, a weekly original essay in their inbox. Their support keeps this newsletter both free and ad-free for everyone else. Here is last week’s.

History, not destiny: How understanding where I came from helps me live where I am.

10 Years!

So, March will be ten (!!!!) years since I launched a weekly newsletter. We were living in a different state, the US had Barack Obama as president, and my wife had not yet had a heart transplant. It was a very different world. 

I’ve changed a lot too, and so has the newsletter. But through it all, one thing I have been utterly convinced of is the necessity of seeking out beauty in order to sustain us in a world that will have its way with you. 

The issue that will be delivered March 3rd will not just be an anniversary, but will also be a relaunch of sorts. Some format changes, some aesthetic choices, and some other changes I don’t want to tell you about yet. 🙂

I’m pretty excited. And so very grateful to have gotten to do this for ten years. 

Thank you for that. 

Hugh

PS: 

If you like this newsletter and want to support it, here are four ways:

1. Share it with a friend (just forward it, or post the link on social media) and ask them to subscribe at https://lisb.hughhollowell.org

2. Buy me a cup of coffee. 

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4. Hit reply and say hi! I love hearing from folks who read my stuff: What resonated, what didn’t, or seeing links to things you thought were beautiful, too.