I spend more time thinking about the ways my life isn't what I want it to be than I do on anything else, mixed in with a sprinkling of how everyone else is happier than me. This is always the thing my brain gets stuck on. Not people who are more successful, I don't care about that, but people who are happier. It's not even exactly that I'm unhappy, not on a small scale, not in my day to day. But nothing about my current circumstances is what I want. I hate where I live, in terms of location and in terms of actual housing, and I very rarely get to see the people I love in person, and I am not in a good financial situation, and I don't feel able to be fully and openly the person I've been trying to become, and so much about my body is fodder for criticism and discontent, and on and on it goes.

Some of these are real and legitimate complaints and I lack the resources to change them right now, but some of them are things that could be changed, or at least shifted, with a lot of dedicated work and patience. The problem is that I am completely devoid of patience and am only interested in things that bring me instant gratification, so when something takes time and effort and I'm not able to immediately see rewards from it, I become frustrated. Not a recipe for success.