Hoping Machine is Down for Maintenance

I'm not thrilled with anything I've written in the past week and I almost decided not to write this at all, but I've committed to it and you pay money for it, so here it is. Messy and inadequate as I am, as everything is right now. Next week will be better, or, if not, at least it will be different. That's something.

Do you ever feel exhausted by the business of existence? Like you could just lay down and give up at the mere thought of having to do one more task, or make one more call, or take one more breath? And do you ever feel a band constricting around your chest and a stone in your stomach when you realize that this is just life, just the way it goes? Do you ever struggle to know how to cope with the helpless hopeless overwhelm of personhood? And do you ever try to turn your mind to the world, to zoom out instead of zooming in, only to feel a scream building and building when you're met with everything that's going on out there?