April 13, 2024

Ridiculous Opinions #243

This morning, I read a scientific article. It was called "Reversing the causal arrow: Incidence and properties of negative backward magical contagion in Americans". I actually read it.

The reason I read it was because I saw an article called, "Paper-Crumpling Study About the Nature of Anger Is the Best Thing I've Read in a Long Time". This is an article that I actually clicked on and read.

To sum it up...On a very basic level, if you're mad about something, all you have to do is:

• write what you're mad about on a piece of paper

• crumple up that paper

• throw it in the garbage

That's it. That cures you of your anger!

Not entirely, of course, but it helps you start to get rid of the things that make you mad. It takes what exists solely in your brain, makes it physical, and allows you to destroy it.

How could it have been so simple all this time?

And even more mind-bending is that they've done a scientific study on it!

Science has backed up this theory.

SCIENCE HAS PROVEN THAT THIS IS TRUE.

I plan to use this method all the time. I get mad a lot. That's unhealthy. And it's all psychological. Sometimes, I just get mad to get mad. Sometimes, I enjoy getting mad; I like warming my cold, black heart with a little justified rage. To combat this, I need a method to get rid of it.

I have just been given that method.

I don't have a problem with doing some weird little ritual when I'm mad if it gets rid of that anger. I'm willing to try anything to make that go away. If that involves writing down my thoughts and crumpling them up on a piece of paper, so be it. That's what I will do.

In regard to the first article that I mentioned above...if I were to summarize what was inside in the most simple way, it would be to say that...

...Cooties are real!

What that means is that if we, as humans, believe that someone has cooties, then they do have cooties. We don't want cooties, so we stay away from them. It's called Backwards Magical Contagion. This is a good quote from the study:

Backward magical contagion effects describe how a “residue” or “essence” of an entity is believed to operate on the original entity through a connection between all entities sharing the same essence. Thus, an enemy shaman burning a lock of your hair is operating on your personal essence thereby inviting bad luck upon you.

This is a scientific study from Cambridge University. Not only is it weird that I spent part of my morning actually reading this or that Cambridge University did a study on it, it's even weirder that I believe it!

Here's a dumb story that is true...

In 2016, we had a rough time. There was a terror attack in Bangladesh which had a great impact on our lives and we were stranded in Canada with no jobs and few options. At the lowest point of that time, I was feeling pretty down-in-the-dumps and looked down to see a MAGICAL YODA HEAD lying on the ground. It was about half-an-inch big, and was clearly the head of an action figure whose body had been discarded.

At that point, I thought to myself, This Magical Yoda Head will change things. I don't know why I thought that, but I felt very strongly that this Magical Yoda Head was a way out of what I was feeling. So I picked up the Magical Yoda Head and put it in my wallet, where it fit absolutely perfectly into a small pocket in the corner.

That Magical Yoda Head has been in my wallet for eight years. I haven't looked at it. I haven't fished it out. It's just there. And in all honesty, my luck has been pretty decent since then.

Does this signify that the Magical Yoda Head is lucky? Nope. My luck didn't instantly change. I went through quite a few rough periods since then. But I transferred some luck onto that Magical Yoda Head when I picked it up and whether that luck is real or not, it makes me think it's real.

And really, that's the key, isn't it? You could look at all of this as the ramblings of a man with a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder (and I will freely admit that, yes, I do have that), but you could also regard at it as an outlook on life. If you think positively, then you will see things in a positive light. If you think negatively, the same thing will happen.

And science has proven that that is real.

If you were to actually look through my backpack, you would find some very, very odd items tucked away in its corners. There are six tiny rocks in there. Each of those rocks were given to me by my daughters and were found on the beach in Brighton, UK. They were so perfectly unique, round, and/or wonderful that I felt I had to keep them. I have a pin that was purchased for me there as well.

I have worn a necklace for almost fourteen years now that consisted of a set of wooden beads that my daughters made for me in 2010 for a craft set we bought them. They had my initials on them, but those initials have long-since worn off, and though the original string for the necklace has long-since been replaced, I still wear it to this day. The necklace has power. I gave it that power. Thus, I wear it all the time.

And this works conversely, too (as proven by science). Here's another story...Prior to that 2016 terror attack, I used to walk around the block from my apartment to get to school. And practically every day, I would listen to David Bowie's Blackstar. It was his last album before he died and the first single (of the same name) was on a constant repeat for me because I couldn't believe that he was dead. I used to listen to Radiohead's Burn the Witch during that time as well. I can't listen to either of those songs anymore because those songs are associated with that time in my life.

I loved those songs. But they are so tied in to whatever feelings and emotions that I had during that period that I find it repulsive when I hear them. Backwards Magical Contagion. I have associated those songs with something terrible in my life and thus I cannot listen to them anymore.

Ridiculous? Yes.

Real? Also yes.

So I have cast those things off. I have done this with other things in my life as well that I felt were bad. Sometimes, bad energy can infect things and you don't want that bad energy around. It's not real. I know it's not real. But that doesn't matter. I get rid of it.

So, I would suggest that all of you go out today and find your own Magical Yoda Head. It's just going to be sitting there, on the ground, waiting for you to pick it up. Then, stash that Magical Yoda Head somewhere safe, because it will bring you very good things. And even if it doesn't, if you think it will, then that's all that matters. And even if you lose that thing, then all you have to realize is the fact that the Magical Yoda Head brought some luck into your life at some point and it will keep impacting your day-to-day, even if it's lost, and that is enough to make things good.

The bottom line: It's all in your head. And whatever's in your head is real.

That's the way it's always been.