Ridiculous Opinions #223
I dislike people who don’t signal when they change lanes. You would be hard-pressed to show me someone who does this who is an actual good and decent human being. They are sociopaths, completely devoid of empathy. The world exists solely for them. They are the main character. No one else.
I signal when I change lanes. Even when no one is around, I do it, because not signalling when I change lanes feels wrong. I don’t like things that feel wrong. I like things that feel right. So, I signal. And I do it because IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO!
Listen, you jerks…rules are the fabric of our society. They’re what keep us from being savages. But somewhere along the line, the rules have broken down. One-too-many infractions have occurred to leave us at a point where rules don’t matter anymore.
THIS MUST CHANGE!
I see it all the time…tiny little rules being broken. My kids who are late to class…it’s disrespectful to be late to class, but kids still do it, and they don’t care. “But I was in the bathroom!” “But I was talking to my teacher!” No! Be on time! A tiny rule being broken.
The other day, I was in the airport and 75 people were boarding the plane on wheelchairs. We were delayed thirty minutes because of these wheelchair folks. The problem was 90% of them didn’t need wheelchairs! They were breaking the rules! Another tiny rule being broken.
I ordered food from McDonalds the other day and my fry box was HALF FULL. My box of fries should be completely full. Corporations have INSTRUCTED their restaurants to only fill the fry boxes half full! Because by the time you check, you’re already out of the drive-through! Yet another tiny rule being broken!
I’m so mad I could just…
Wait…
I’ve gone too far…
What have I become?
You know what I like?
I like that my cat is currently sitting out on the balcony, eyes half-closed, enjoying the morning sun.
I like that I can see the ocean from where I’m sitting right now.
I like that I received a great letter from a student this week, saying that they were pleased that I had faith in them and that I took the extra time to help them with a project.
I like a good cheeseburger every once in a while.
I like that I make a comic about a talking beaver and that there’s a very weird, loyal audience of people that read it regularly.
I like my wife a lot!
I also like my daughters and my family members!
I like my big, fat, Apple Watch sitting on my wrist, which makes me get out and exercise, even though I’ve reached the point of no return in middle age where exercise has become about staying alive rather than losing weight.
I like Peter Gabriel’s new album. And I also like the fact that a man in his 70s is capable of making an album that sounds more modern and organic than 99% of things that people currently listen to.
I think I like a lot more things than I dislike. Which is good, because there’s a lot to dislike in the world.
It’s a beautiful, sunny day where I’m at. My wife is beside me on her phone. My cats are out on the balcony, enjoying the morning. I got a decent night’s sleep and I’m going to spend the afternoon reading. To quote the great poet, Tom Petty: “I’ve got over a thousand dollars in the bank and I’m all right…”
But I still friggin’ hate when people don’t signal to change lanes. If you’re one of those people, I want you to remember me. Remember me cursing you from the backseat, or from the other side of the world, or from beyond the grave.
Because I will be cursing you.
Here’s some things:
Did you know I have merch? I usually make these things just for fun, but you should buy a t-shirt or some stickers or something of that nature from me. Why? Because it’s cool and weird. I make weird things that you would enjoy. Here’s the link. (Note: This is my least weird t-shirt).
Did you know I sell books? I know, I know…no one reads anymore. I don’t care. Go buy one of my books today! Just do it! You don’t even have to read it. You can just buy it. Here’s the link!
Maurice the Beaver is super-popular on Reddit. I don’t know why. Go read the freaky comments that people post. And yes, I did post a Satanic-themed comic this week to celebrate my 666th comic. Some people got really mad at the message. Maybe you will, too?
