Hi everyone I’m feeling bashful about needing to ask for people to sign up for things and buy tickets to my show so I’ve asked Laser to do an impression of me and write the rest of this email.

Hi everyone, I’m Izzy and I’m great. Did you know I have a show that is not a podcast but a lot of people think is a podcast? It’s called Comfort Watch, and it’s a thing where my friends tell me which videos bring them comfort and I judge them in front of an audience. It’s great and it’s happening tuesday! Get a live or livestream ticket so I am not alone. Thank you.

Speaking of things that are hard to do, I am going to ask you for money to fund my NEW FEATURE FILM. Did you know that statistically many people do not make feature films because it’s hard to do and extremely expensive? That’s true and I learned it from the newspaper.

We crowdfund movies here at Laser and Izzy headquarters (note from Laser — what if this is the name of the LLC?). You don’t have to back our crowdfunding project! If you want to pay to watch the movie later in theaters or on itunes or whatever, that’s awesome. However… when people are willing to take a chance on us and pay in advance, that allows us to make the movie better!

Anyway, we need some people to be our “anchor donors” on day 1 (to give $500, $1,000, or more). We know that’s not most people. It doesn’t have to be! If that’s you, please reply to this email in the next day or so (just say “anchor donor”) and we’ll send you some *info and questions* to help make that happen. The other option is a predatory loan, and I’m really more into Alien than Predator (note from Laser — I don’t know if this is a joke you would make?)

And for anyone else who is not made of money, please go “follow” the page here! We’re already almost over 3,000 and while I secretly want 5,000 to make this the biggest project ever, I’ll be happy with 3,500. This is algorithm-fighting crowd activation (note from Laser — I don’t know how to explain why this is important in a succinct way but it really is).

Thank you so much! I have a baby! Two babies? Hard to keep track

Izzy (Laser)

“I have a baby” is a really sick accurate burn of me, Laser