ranking all of the waterfalls i saw on my big time road trip
Two weeks ago I did the funniest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and encountered twelve waterfalls along the way. That’s about nine more waterfalls than I think one can include in a Big Time Rush-related travelogue before people start going, “I thought this was about Big Time Rush?” hence I am dedicating this post to them. You’re welcome, waterfalls.
(Also, shoutout to my road trip partner Maggie, without whose research I would not have known most of these even existed.)
#12: Small, Nameless, Possibly Man-Made Waterfall at Bethel Woods Center for the Arts (Bethel, NY)
This one was a surprise, so I know very little about it. The nearest body of water I can find is Lemons Brook, which doesn’t actually flow through the venue. There is a small pond that could be the culprit, but this pond has neither a name nor an origin story that I can impart. Anyway, this waterfall is cute, but not very big or steep, and therefore not as impressive as any of the others.
#11: Luke’s Falls at Lehigh Gorge State Park (Weatherly, PA)
It feels mean to judge a waterfall by its flow in July, when they are most susceptible to drying up, but Luke did not bring his A game to this viewing. We saw two waterfalls at Lehigh Gorge, and as you’ll see, the other one was much more exciting.
#10: Glen Falls (Williamsville, NY)
Pretty cool, but it has the misfortune of being located smack in the middle of a town. Your mileage may vary, but I think waterfalls are greatly enhanced (or the opposite) by their surroundings, and my preferred surroundings are parks and rural areas.
#9: Lower Falls at Ball’s Falls Conservation Area (Lincoln, ON)
I just don’t love how brown it is.
#8: Nay Aug Falls at Nay Aug Park (Scranton, PA)
Loses points for being kind of far from the trail and therefore hard to see, but this is the first one we stopped at, and it definitely set the bar.
#7: Upper Falls at Ball’s Falls Conservation Area (Lincoln, ON)
I kind of love how weird this one is. It looks almost exactly like the Lower Falls, but then there are a bunch of smaller waterfalls 90 degrees to the left? Gushing out of a rock wall? Inspired.
#6: Akron Falls at Akron Falls Park (Akron, NY)
Even harder to see (and take pictures of) than Nay Aug, but just as delightfully weird as Upper Ball’s Falls. What put this one over the edge is that it’s fed by Murder Creek. Why is it called Murder Creek? Fuck if I know! But they should call the falls that, too.
#5: American Falls/Bridal Veil Falls at Niagara Gorge (Niagara Falls, NY)
Yeah, I guess these legends deserve to crack the Top 5, especially considering they’re a package deal. I actually prefer the view from Goat Island, (pictured to the right of Bridal Veil) but there was no time to stop there. We had a Canada to be in!
#4: Buttermilk Falls at Bear Creek Preserve (Luzerne County, PA)
Have you ever seen a more aesthetically-pleasing waterfall in your entire life? Granted, the rocks are the real star of the show here, but I think we caught this one at exactly the right water level. Any higher or lower and I don’t know if it could’ve dethroned two-thirds of Niagara.
#3: Horseshoe Falls at Niagara Gorge (Niagara Falls, ON)
Technically it’s in both countries, but the split is like, 90-10 in Ontario’s favor. Absolutely stunning, obviously, but the perpetual mist cloud that renders part of the falls invisible is its undoing.
#2: Buttermilk Falls at Lehigh Gorge State Park (Weatherly, PA)
How does Pennsylvania keep its Buttermilk Fallses straight? Anyway, when I said Luke’s Falls was unremarkable, it was mostly due to the fact that I’d seen this just fifteen minutes prior. It’s really tall! Look how it weaves in and out of those rocks!
#1: Underground Waterfall at Secret Caverns (Howes Cave, NY)
Being in a cave really freaked me out. Not debilitatingly so, but as the tour guide led us down what felt like the world’s steepest staircase and through the cavern, I became increasingly certain that I never needed to do this again. I mean, I’d like to see the Great Stalacpipe Organ before I die, but I don’t live in Virginia, so this remains a (great stalac)pipe dream. I definitely didn’t think I’d ever need to return to this particular cave. The waterfall, I figured, would be one of those objectively cool things you only need to see once, like the Chicago Pants or Notre Dame Cathedral pre-2019.
But I’d totally go back to the Secret Caverns with minimal cajoling. I’d probably exit them with great haste just like last time, but I think I’d like to allocate a few more of my finite Earth minutes to that waterfall. And then I’ll stop setting foot in caves that don’t have musical instruments built into them. Probably.