quiz: do you have the gift of one-liners or the curse of curves?
Remember when the COVID vaccine dropped, and all your essential worker friends got it, and were like, “Oh my god, I feel like shit. I feel like I actually have COVID”? Especially after the second dose? And by the time you were finally eligible, you were prepared for 24-48 hours of apocalyptic suffering post-shot? Because I was. I had my schedule cleared and my Tylenol and my resolve. I was prepared to feel like shit, to feel like I actually had COVID.
I was not prepared to wake up at 3:00 in the morning, delirious with fever, and with a singular goal: to listen to “The Curse of Curves” by Cute Is What We Aim For.
You remember Cute Is What We Aim For! Right? Right??? You know, they did “The Curse of Curves”, and… “The Curse of Curves.” Cute… is certainly what they aimed for, I’ll give them that. I always appreciate a band with an accurate name; have you ever, for instance, seen the members of Snow Patrol patrolling the snow?
So. I was awake at the Witching Hour, and I wanted to listen to “The Curse of Curves.” I wanted to listen to it because I thought very earnestly in my feverish mind that it was the greatest song ever written.
I’ll let you guys be the judge of that.
Anyway, in honor of me getting the booster last month, (and as a thinly-veiled plea to everyone reading to also get it, if you haven’t yet) I have made a silly little quiz about this song. The greatest song ever written.
#1: Which is the closest approximation of your gender?
a) Softboy
b) Hot girl
c) Just some guy
#2: What sport did you play in high school?
a) Oh, I wasn’t very good at sports. I always got picked last in gym class and at recess and whatever. I won’t lie, it kind of took a psychological toll. I preferred to just stay inside and write poetry haha
b) I was a cheerleader
c) Soccer or whatever
#3: Are you perspiring from the irony?
a) Yes, oh my god. I love irony so much… And that slant rhyme… you have no idea how much I-
b) No?
c) Ew
#4: What is your love language
a) Words of affirmation
b) Physical touch
c) Quality time
#5: Was puberty kind to you?
a) No
b) No
c) I guess it could’ve been worse
#6: Drink of choice?
a) Whiskey
b) Wine
c) I smoke weed
#7: What is your favorite sitcom?
a) How I Met Your Mother
b) Friends
c) The Office
#8: Would you describe yourself as provocative and talkative, or shallow as a shower?
a) Provocative and talkative
b) Provocative and talkative
c) Provocative and talkative. Who the fuck would self-identify as shallow?
#9: Are you funny?
a) I’m witty
b) Some of my friends think I am
c) No
#10: From what I’ve heard, with skin you’ll win
a) I agree with this statement
b) What?
c) From what I’ve heard, without skin you’ll die. So
RESULTS
Mostly As: Gift of one-liners
Mostly Bs: Curse of curves
Mostly Cs: Normal human person