Why? Because it’s just so much more intriguing to say that your brain is “[X] like an egg”, instead of that you’re sad or whatever. Here’s a glossary. Try it out on your friends and colleagues!*

Deviled = Default state, i.e. under the usual witch’s curse**

Scrambled = Confused

Softboiled = Tipsy

Hardboiled = Drunk

Grassfed = Oh, you know ;)***

Pickled = Meditative

Fried = Burned out

Poached = Dead

Rotten = Dead and in the ground

Fresh = Newly reincarnated as something cooler, like a giant siphonophore

*Doesn’t have to be any specific kind of egg. Could be chicken, goose, quail, robin, frog, sea turtle, platypus, caviar, dragon, Easter…

**Mine is called “obsessive-compulsive disorder.” Spooky!

***