evaluating some dead guy you've never heard of's key signature interpretations
His name was Christian Friedrich Daniel Schubart, and he was this eighteenth-century German writer and organist who had the same brain disease that I do when it comes to musical keys and their inherent moods and meanings. Schubart elucidated this posthumously in his 1806 book Ideen zu einer Ästhetik der Tonkunst, or Ideas On the Aesthetics of Musical Art. I’ve not read this book because it’s not readily available, (as far as I can tell) and I don’t speak German (but if I can if you like), but fortunately, his interpretations of every major and minor key are all over the internet.
I was first alerted to Schubart’s hot takes in this Rolling Stone article, which misidentifies so many song keys that I debated being a huge asshole and writing a “lol this supposedly prestigious magazine let some rando claim ‘Purple Rain’ is in C #epicfail” response, but it’s so much more fun to bag on a deceased classical period harpsichordist who said things like “the spleen and humors brood” about the key that “Uptown Funk” is in.
And yes, obviously, times have changed, and I have access to more music than Schubart probably could’ve even imagined. He couldn’t have known what Tracy Chapman and Gin Blossoms were going to do to A major. I’m going to see how well his interpretations have held up in the twenty-first century.
SO. As retrieved from alltheworldsmusicever dot com, here are Schubart’s “affective key characteristics”, translated by Rita Steblin, with commentary by me:
C Major
Completely pure. Its character is: innocence, simplicity, naïvety, children's talk.
Was he wrong?
Not really. I’d add that C major has developed a bittersweetness since Schubart’s time. It’s great for wallowing in misery over an irreversible sad happenstance, like a breakup — the kind of helpful wallowing that precedes acceptance. Otherwise, it’s the grilled cheese and tomato soup of keys. You’d probably prefer something more complex and sophisticated, but you’re never going to say no to it.
C Minor
Declaration of love and at the same time the lament of unhappy love. All languishing, longing, sighing of the love-sick soul lies in this key.
Was he wrong?
This is Schubart’s most intriguing take, and I’ll give it to him. My first known exposure to C minor — the first song I ever loved, at the age of two — was Sarah McLachlan’s “Adia”, which is an apology to a friend for marrying her ex (who McLachlan later ended up divorcing). And if you aren’t familiar with “Adia”, I’m sure you know C minor as the key of when this! love! has! taken its toll! on me!
C# Major
(Referred to as D♭ by Schubart; I have used its enharmonic equivalent for consistency)
A leering key, degenerating into grief and rapture. It cannot laugh, but it can smile; it cannot howl, but it can at least grimace its crying. Consequently, only unusual characters and feelings can be brought out in this key.
Was he wrong?
This is, in fact, his only completely accurate take.
C# Minor
Penitential lamentation, intimate conversation with God, the friend and help-meet of life; sighs of disappointed friendship and love lie in its radius.
Was he wrong?
God’s gonna pop up a lot in these interpretations, which are very much products of their time. When I declared C# minor the official key of Summer 2023, I described it as having “an inherent menace to it that warps every song it touches into a deadly serious affair.” Which I guess would apply to everything Schubart said, technically.
D Major
The key of triumph, of hallelujahs, of war cries, of victory-rejoicing. Thus, the inviting symphonies, the marches, holiday songs and heaven-rejoicing choruses are set in this key.
Was he wrong?
I mean, I hate D major, so I’m happy to let the war cries have this one. It’s obtrusively happy. Every time I hear a song in D major, I feel like I just got dumped, and now I’m on the train home, and suddenly a drunken bachelorette party has descended upon the car to rub it in my face. I don’t know what holiday songs Schubart’s referring to, since I’ve personally observed a disproportionate number of Christmas songs in F.
D Minor
Melancholy womanliness, the spleen and humors brood.
Was he wrong?
No, but I prefer Nigel Tufnel’s explanation. It’s less misogynistic.
E♭ Major
The key of love, of devotion, of intimate conversation with God.
Was he wrong?
I don’t really have any strong feelings about E♭ major. I guess I consider it the key of ENJOYING THE SILENCE.
E♭ Minor
(Referred to as D# by Schubart)
Feelings of the anxiety of the soul's deepest distress, of brooding despair, of blackest depression, of the most gloomy condition of the soul. Every fear, every hesitation of the shuddering heart, breathes out of horrible [E♭] minor. If ghosts could speak, their speech would approximate this key.
Was he wrong?
No. No, he was not. At all. And even if I disagreed, I would’ve amended my opinion to match his, because I’m obsessed with it.
E Major
Noisy shouts of joy, laughing pleasure and not yet complete, full delight lies in E Major.
Was he wrong?
E major is That Bitch. It’s incredibly versatile, and therefore partially encompasses Schubart’s interpretation. But really, it can do anything. I have no choice but to stan.
E Minor
Naïve, womanly innocent declaration of love, lament without grumbling; sighs accompanied by few tears; this key speaks of the imminent hope of resolving in the pure happiness of C major.
Was he wrong?
This is interesting to me, because E minor is the relative minor of G major, and is much more likely to resolve to that than to C major. But yes, I disagree with Schubart on this one. E minor is for party songs.
F Major
Complacence and calm.
Was he wrong?
YES. EXTREMELY. As I explained in my previous article on affective key characteristics, F major is sad. Much like its relative minor (D). In contrast with sad C major songs, sad F major songs are often plagued by deep denial. It’s not a healthy sadness, and its narrators probably require some kind of therapeutic intervention.
F Minor
Deep depression, funereal lament, groans of misery and longing for the grave.
Was he wrong?
Yes, but in a funny way. F minor is even more of a party key than E minor. I don’t hear “Telephone” or “Take It Off” and think, Oh, these guys are longing for the grave.
F# Major
Triumph over difficulty, free sigh of relief uttered when hurdles are surmounted; echo of a soul which has fiercely struggled and finally conquered lies in all uses of this key.
Was he wrong?
Not really. F# major is my favorite key, and that’s really all I ever have to say about it. I’m intrigued that Schubart finds it so uplifting, though, considering he thinks its relative minor is that which the speech of ghosts would approximate.
F# Minor
A gloomy key: it tugs at passion as a dog biting a dress. Resentment and discontent are its language.
Was he wrong?
Ehh. Depends what you think of “Wonderwall”, I guess.
G Major
Everything rustic, idyllic and lyrical, every calm and satisfied passion, every tender gratitude for true friendship and faithful love — in a word, every gentle and peaceful emotion of the heart is correctly expressed by this key.
Was he wrong?
No.
G Minor
Discontent, uneasiness, worry about a failed scheme; bad-tempered gnashing of teeth; in a word: resentment and dislike.
Was he wrong?
There’s certainly a darkness to G minor. A sexiness, also. I wouldn’t say no to a G minor song about failed schemes or bad-tempered gnashing of teeth, though. This is the closest thing we have.
A♭ Major
Key of the grave. Death, grave, putrefaction, judgment, eternity lie in its radius.
Was he wrong?
“OF THE GRAVE,” HE SAID. ABOUT THE KEY THAT “THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN” IS IN. At least it’s consistent with his interpretation of F minor.
A♭ Minor
Grumbler, heart squeezed until it suffocates; wailing lament, difficult struggle; in a word, the color of this key is everything struggling with difficulty.
Was he wrong?
Another one with which I can’t technically disagree. A♭ minor is hard to articulate, although these days I mostly associate it with Gen Z pop stars going to hell.
A Major
This key includes declarations of innocent love, satisfaction with one's state of affairs; hope of seeing one's beloved again when parting; youthful cheerfulness and trust in God.
Was he wrong?
Not as wrong as he could’ve been. I wrote a whole screed about how A major = yearning, and that’s certainly congruous with “hope of seeing one’s beloved again when parting.” I don’t think it really applies to “innocent declarations of love”, and certainly not to “satisfaction with one’s state of affairs.”
A Minor
Pious womanliness and tenderness of character.
Was he wrong?
Yes.
B♭ Major
Cheerful love, clear conscience, hope [and] aspiration for a better world.
Was he wrong?
I wouldn’t say so. B♭ major, like E major, can do anything. And like F# major, it fucking rules. Naturally, it would garner positive associations.
B♭ Minor
A quaint creature, often dressed in the garment of night. It is somewhat surly and very seldom takes on a pleasant countenance. Mocking God and the world; discontented with itself and with everything; preparation for suicide sounds in this key.
Was he wrong?
By complete coincidence, Schubart managed to describe the key that “Sunglasses At Night” is in as “often dressed in the garment of night.” That’s so impressive. Actually, I totally agree with his entire interpretation, except unlike Schubart, I think these qualities are metal as hell.
B Major
Strongly colored, announcing wild passions, composed from the most glaring colors. Anger, rage, jealousy, fury, despair and every burden of the heart lies in its sphere.
Was he wrong?
B major is about two things: uncomfortable introspection, and being gay. The former certainly matches Schubart’s read. And unfortunately, in many cases so does the latter.
B Minor
This is, as it were, the key of patience, of calm awaiting one's fate and of submission to divine dispensation.
Was he wrong?
So wrong! B minor is another party key, albeit the darkest one. You couldn’t, for instance, write “Disturbia” in E or F minor. Don’t listen to this fucking guy. Do you want Dua Lipa unemployed?
Accuracy rate
15/24, or 63%
Grade
D minus. The spleen and humors brood!