Archive • The Fainting Couch • Buttondown

Why does he do this to me

September 4, 2025

Too many topics for one title to handle

August 22, 2025

Our new next door neighbors removed all their trees. All of them. “They hate trees!” I shouted to Scott, peering through the blind slats, as workers chain-...

A little business

August 19, 2025

Hello! I have moved the newsletter away from Substack and over to Buttondown, for various reasons. One of those reasons (not the only one, though) is that...

Things I Have Purchased and Liked: Summer Edition

Enjoy some recommendations while I get my head together

A shocking tale of nudity and denial

$ · July 12, 2025

On parenting, protests, and puking

$ · June 16, 2025

(Not my puking, I should specify. FUN puking. Oh. you'll see.)

Rerun: It's kamikaze bee season

$ · May 30, 2025

Why you should always fear bees, and the elderly.

It doesn't have to be hard

$ · May 21, 2025

This one is going behind the paywall, because there is NEWS and TENDER PERSONAL things and other REASONS to CAPITALIZE.A lesson I keep learning and re-...

Random notes from April

$ · April 28, 2025

Part of my ongoing efforts to distract from, you know, the horrors

Ripped from the (blog) archives: my birth story

$ · April 14, 2025

An old, gross favorite.

Another story about getting too high

$ · March 28, 2025

When will I ever learn

Different strokes or whatever

$ · March 18, 2025

Why can't my friends be just like me?

Is this thing on?

$ · March 4, 2025

Friends! Everything is such steaming garbage. It’s incredible! I too am silently screaming into my pillow and yelling “What?!” at the clouds. I am become...

Go on and get it, girl

$ · February 25, 2025

I am a woman of some years, and I’m not one to say you automatically decline as you get older (if I did, would come after me with her army of vibrant elders)...

I feel bad; do you feel bad?

$ · February 10, 2025

If you want to wallow for a bit, hang out here with me

A thousand times

$ · January 27, 2025

Despite (points to everything), my seasonal bummed-outedness (technical term) seems to be lifting. I credit a weekend hanging out in the city with Scott,...

Assorted nonsense until I get my head together

$ · January 21, 2025

Or spring arrives. Whichever comes first.

Let's talk about bad jobs

$ · January 2, 2025

Oh, I’ve had some. Here are my worst.Bank tellerMy mom and sister convinced me to get a job as a bank teller the summer between freshman and sophomore year...

$ · December 17, 2024

I just realized that's a thing from Seinfeld. Whatever, I'm keeping it.

We’re (still) gonna get through this

$ · November 7, 2024

It's time for even more treats. All the treats, in fact.

We're gonna get through this

$ · October 30, 2024

With distractions and treats!

Izzy the Cat, 2005-2024

$ · September 16, 2024

Furious and messy to the very end.

What a time to be alive!

$ · August 7, 2024

Everything's going to be OK! Exclamation points!!!!

The path to wellness, if not greatness

$ · July 6, 2024

You can't have both, apparently (if you're me)

$ · March 28, 2024

In which I am rendered gross.

$ · March 18, 2024

It’s not your imagination, it’s been a while

$ · December 22, 2023

It's me, your ol' pal Alice, acting like no time has passed.

Goodbye and hello at (practically) the same time

$ · October 30, 2023

Let's talk about dogs, for a change.

Ripped from the archives: It's kamikaze bee season

$ · October 16, 2023

Hello friends! Here’s a favorite from a couple of years ago. I’m sending out my love to everyone who’s sad and frightened and traumatized right now. More...

$ · September 25, 2023

Jump up, jump up, and get down

I am not a test pilot

$ · September 4, 2023

In case you were wondering.

Psst, invite your friends to read The Fainting Couch

$ · August 28, 2023

Ooh and you get lil' bonuses, too. You like bonuses.

I went to the ER and all I got for you was this newsletter post.

$ · August 27, 2023

Buckle up, this is a long one.

Ripped from the archives: Hot town, chicken in the city

$ · August 17, 2023

Back of my neck getting birdy and gritty.

Introducing The Fainting Couch. Plus, another favorite ripped from the archives.

$ · August 10, 2023

because "Just Keep Writing" wasn't cutting it.

Ripped from behind the paywall, it's: "Are we doing this?"

$ · August 4, 2023

Oh yes. Yes we are.

The last time I talk about driving for a while. Plus: a recommendation!

$ · July 21, 2023

Only one recommendation this week but it's a good one.

It's getting hot in here

$ · July 12, 2023

so take off a reasonable amount of clothes

The downside of being a creep.

$ · June 30, 2023

A *loving and concerned* creep

What's the funniest yogurt brand and other eternal questions, answered. Plus: recommendations!

$ · June 22, 2023

This week I went into NYC to 1) have tacos and margaritas with my friend Deanna and also 2) see my therapist in person. On the subway a woman sitting across...

I've got million-dollar charm, cousin

$ · June 14, 2023

I've got life, but I lost my petunias

Your ship may be coming in: Here are this week's recommendations

$ · June 1, 2023

Pens, songs, manhole covers!

Graduation week!

$ · May 22, 2023

How did we get here already?

$ · May 11, 2023

If you’re reading this, I probably have Heather Armstrong to thank. And you probably know that Heather took her own life on Tuesday night. It’s been a long...

When it's time to change, you've got to rearrange

$ · May 4, 2023

Sha na na na na na na na na, sha na na na na.

Stop Emailing and Start Writing: This Week’s Recommendations

$ · April 28, 2023

Plus: snow globes, Toots and the Maytals, excellent abstract art, and more

In which I resist becoming a shut-in

$ · April 19, 2023

I won't do it! Probably.

Old animations, new music, bad AI art, and excellent parody

$ · April 13, 2023

It's time for some recommendations.

So, about driving

$ · April 6, 2023

Whose idea was this, exactly?

We've moved! And: some coaching news!

$ · March 30, 2023