I'm using voice recognition on my Google doc because my eyes are having a moment, and not in a good way. as you may know (I talked about it here) I had surgery on my left eye 5 years ago now and when I had that surgery, they told me that a cataract would inevitably form in that eye–and now, voila, the cataract, she is here. actually she's been here for a while but she's getting real bad. I'll probably need surgery within the year but in the meantime my vision in that eye is so much worse that I need new glasses and I need them now. but the new glasses won’t be ready for 10 to 12 business days so I’ve been working with one eye that doesn’t really work right. I can see but it's just rough and my eyes hurt after a few hours of editing. why won't this thing capitalize anything.

the last time I used voice recognition I had carpal tunnel and it was 2000 and the software was so bad that I had to keep redoing everything and there was so much cursing coming out of my mouth. so this is a huge improvement. and I'm not even paying for this software, it's just free? truly we live in a wondrous age. but why doesn't it realize that you need to capitalize right after a period? 

moving on. I was going to come up with a list of my favorite books from this year and I'm going to do it right now, I'm going to open up my Libby app and I'm going to tell you what I read over the year. all right here we go. okay. 

one book I just finished is Heart the Lover by Lily King, and it might be my favorite from this year. if you like, I don't know, love, and life, and Youth, why did it capitalize youth? you will enjoy this book. you will cry and laugh and etc. 

okay I'm scrolling, I'm scrolling, boy, there are a lot of books I read that I didn't really like. Oh here's one: Care and Feeding by Laurie Woolever. And more: Blood Test by Charles Baxter. Grief Is for People by Sloan Crosley. My Salinger Year by Joanna Rakoff. The Wedding People by Allison Espach. Shrines of Gaiety by Kate Atkinson. The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters. Little Known Facts by Christine Sneed. Real Americans by Rachel Khong. The Cost of Living by Deborah Levy. Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz. The Trees by Percival Everett. Tell Me Everything by Elizabeth Strout. North Woods by Daniel Mason.

I know I should use affiliate links, but I just can't do it right now, oh well oh! I have a story for you! so the other day, I felt I needed a little treat. I made myself some hot chocolate. and this wasn't just any hot chocolate: it was a fancy dark chocolate mix that basically tastes like you’re drinking a chocolate bar. I made half a cup because it's pretty rich and I had about half of that, and then I got sort of grossed out, as you do, and I walked away to get myself a glass of water—and when I came back, Leo was sitting right next to the mug of hot chocolate, which was now empty, and he was licking his lips. shit. 

I called my vet, who told me to call animal poison control. Animal Poison Control put me on hold for way too long, because apparently everyone was feeding hot chocolate to their dogs. I finally spoke to someone and they told me that the amount of hot chocolate he consumed wasn't that dangerous and also I owed them $110 for them to tell me that. oh and I should expect vomiting and diarrhea all night. thanks! anyway he was completely unscathed, no pooping or puking, this isn't as good a story as I thought it would be, but dogs, am I right? dogs! oh they did tell me I could call back as much as I wanted but they emphasized it had to be for this specific situation. I told Scott I was going to keep calling back to tell them, "it happened again! he just loves hot chocolate so much!” 

I've decided to take a break from Instagram, because all I've been doing in my free time is scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. it's not healthy. I’ve been scrolling instead of writing or really instead of feeling my feelings. like a human does. it's actually been kind of nice not to be on Instagram, my brain feels much quieter and obviously it's better for my old eyes not to inflict even more screen time on them, but I miss sending memes to my friends and family. and I miss seeing what Vinny Thomas is up to. I bet it's hijinks! if you don't follow Vinny Thomas please do me a favor and follow Vinny Thomas. for me. and for you, really.

okay this is ridiculous, I am going to write again when I have my new glasses. everything will be okay then. also, they're very cute. I love you.

Oh p.s. if you’ve made it this far: a reminder that you can pay as little as $2 a month to become a paying subscriber. paid subscriptions help me write more for you, and less for those annoying other people who pay me, just kidding I love those people. but I'm not kidding about the part where I could write more for you if I made more money here.I get that we all have lots and lots of subscriptions right now, and this isn't an easy time for anyone, so if you want access to paywalled content but can't manage a subscription right now, please please let me know.