I was talking to Abby a while back and she was like, “You never talk about your eye surgery. When was that?”
“Three years ago,” I said. “But why would I? How would I even bring it up? ‘This burrito is worse than my eye surgery!’ Like that?” 

“I just think it’s interesting that you never talk about it, because you’re normally happy to complain about the most trivial of health problems,” she said, probably. 

And she’s right, I never did write about my eye surgery, so buckle up! I’m going to write about my eye surgery. If you’re squeamish about eye things, you should skip this one. But if you have the stomach for it, I promise I’ll make it fun-nish.