Single and caregiving? Protect your money and your peace
It starts with a phone call from your parents asking for help with things, or to come with them to an appointment. Before you know it, you’ve become a caregiver. Not because you had the time or the money but because someone had to and you’re the someone.
I missed National Caregiver Day (April 2) but I do want to talk about it. If you’re single, there’s no spouse or partner to share the load or tag in on nights when you’re running on empty. You’re doing this solo while juggling a job, your own bills, your own future, and now, your parents’ aging bodies and shrinking independence.
According to the Canadian Centre for Caregiving Excellence, Canadians provide a staggering 5.7 billion hours of unpaid caregiving every year. And the financial toll? In a piece I wrote for The Toronto Star last year, I cited estimates that place the replacement cost of that labour between $97.1 billion and $112.7 billion. That’s what we’d have to pay if we actually compensated caregivers fairly. Which we should, by the way but I know that won’t happen.
Yet, most of us, especially those of us without a partner to lean on, are expected to just figure it out.
Let’s stop pretending this isn’t affecting us and talk about how to care for your loved ones and protect your own financial, physical, mental and emotional well-being.
Plan for this like you’d plan for a vacation or retirement
It sounds cold, but caregiving is a big financial hit to your account. You might reduce your work hours, hire outside help, or cover some of your parents’ costs yourself. That’s real money leaving your wallet.
So treat it like any other financial goal. Set up a Caregiving TFSA bucket. Even if you’re only putting away $25 a month right now, that’s something. You’re building a buffer for when your time, energy, or income takes a hit.
Dave Giles, a financial planner at Sun Life, told me for the Toronto Star: “It’s something that has to be prepared for and it has to be accounted for when we’re planning.” Consider that your permission slip to start saving early—even if it’s just a little.
Have the talk early and often
Sit your parents down and ask them:
What are your wishes as you age?
Do you have insurance or a long-term care plan that can supplement your CPP, OAS or Social Security?
Are your wills and powers of attorney in place? Look, none of us are Pope Francis but he had his plan in place.
Are you willing to pay for help if I need to reduce work?
Mallory McGrath, CEO of Viive Planning said that since your parents made you sit through a sex talk, you can make them sit through an aging talk. Honestly, that is still one of my most favourite quotes of any interview.
If your parents resist, push gently. Frame it as love, not fear, telling them you want to help without going broke.
Don’t use your own money unless absolutely necessary
Groceries. Taxis. Medications, paying for parking at the hospital. It adds up fast and when you’re single, you don’t have another income to fall back on.
As McGrath told me for the Star, “Keep your finances separate.” If you’re buying something for your parents, use their money and track it. Apps like Splitwise or just a good old-fashioned spreadsheet can help.
If your parents have the means, talk openly about compensation. Even small amounts can help offset lost income or extra expenses. It doesn’t make you a bad child, it makes you a realistic adult. What I mean by that is groceries, utilities, etc.
Talk to your employer, or build flexibility if you’re self-employed
Don’t wait for a crisis to start the conversation. If you’re employed, look into family responsibility leave, EI caregiving benefits, or whether your employer offers flexibility or support for caregiving staff.
If you’re freelance or self-employed (like many of us are), build a backup team. Identify a colleague you can subcontract to if needed, or set aside a ‘cover my work’ fund so you can afford to take a breather when life requires it.
Protect your own retirement like your life depends on it because it does
You’re already stretched thin but this isn’t the time to stop your own savings. Even if you have to scale it back, don’t stop entirely. Future you will still need care someday, and if you’re single, you’ll likely need to pay for it yourself.
Use automation. Contribute to your RRSP or TFSA like it’s a bill. It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to happen. I’ve talked about pre-authorized deposits and this is a great tool to build your funds.
And while you're at it, make your own plan. Start thinking about what you want—and how to pay for it.
You’re allowed to say no
You don’t have to move in from the beginning. You don’t have to give up your career. You don’t have to do this alone. Hell, based on Reddit, you don’t even have to care for your parents but that’s an individual choice. (This is the AITA subreddit so make of that what you will.)
Caregiving is deeply emotional, and there will be guilt. But you’re one person, with one income, one nervous system, and one life.
It’s okay to say:
“I can’t afford to do that.”
“I need help.”
“I need a break.”
Build your village
Friends. Neighbours. Online groups. Siblings. Cousins. Anyone who can run an errand, share resources, or just listen. Being single doesn’t mean being isolated. Let people in.
You’re doing tough work. But that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice yourself to do it. Let’s stop romanticizing unpaid labour and start giving caregivers, especially single ones, the tools to survive it.
This week’s readings:
I wrote this piece for The Walrus: Tax Cuts Won’t Make Life More Affordable (The Walrus)
Gold isn’t going up - your money is just losing value (Kitco News)
Preparing for a Recession? 6 Financial Tips that Make Sense (CNET)
Scholarship deadlines are looming. Here’s how to get your slice of the free-money pie (Toronto Star)