WELCOME CHILDREN OF YALDABAOTH

Are you looking in-depth political analysis you can dubiously summarize in an effort to look well informed at social functions? How about lengthy discussions about the state of campus culture? Maybe an education in philosophy, history, media and/or political theory that's so 101 it's actually kind of wrong? If so, get out here. Go on. Get. Shoo! Nobody wants your loser shit here.

I've never been formally qualified to speak on any subject in my life. I've got persistent, treatment resistant psychosis. I couldn't tell you if the things I say are anywhere close to being accurate. So what do I offer? The one quality product I can guarantee the authenticity of. Me.

Right or wrong, you're not going to get analysis like this anywhere else except inside my mind itself, and, trust me, that's a much less user friendly environment to access it from. You don't want to be there. It doesn't want to be there. There's no other newsletter in the English speaking world where you can find insight into the unique movie viewing experience of having an acute episode of paranoia when David Dastmalchian starts talking straight into the camera, equally lengthy lectures on the relative merits and failings of Bubba the Redneck Werewolf and Hard to Be a God, ponderings about why death and impermanence can be a source of great relief and even entertainment, research into the destructive ability of a single Dippin' Dot fired at 99.9% the speed of light, amateur dissections of the malicious permission structures that infest faith and ideology, and a consistent through line of militant, secular anti-Gnosticism all in one place. That's the Semiurge Promise. You might not be entirely sure what the last part of that features list means. If you don't, well there you go, that's evidence you haven't seen people talk about it much. So chew that over.

A vital component of the Semiurge Promise is that not only do I not have any academic qualifications in any areas of expertise related to topics at hand, I probably never will. I'm always doing learning, I've never done a degree. I mainly read and watch media critics to see if there's something brewing in my noggin that hasn't been said widely. It's not anti-intellectualism per se, but we, read I, here at Semiurge have a firm belief that if bunch of somebodies are already saying it, people can just read them. We maximize our Thought Value in the Marketplace of Ideas – a terrible phrase that until now was, and will hereafter be, exclusively used by people who you should definitely not listen to – by ensuring minimal processing of our ideas through the structures that already guide popular, professional analysis. We're taking in raw information and delivering the consequences straight to you. If I tell you {insert prestigious writer of material considered dense and intellectually challenging here} said something, I read it. I didn't read somebody else who read it and is trying to clean it up for me. And I'm not going to condescend with any of this “well, this isn't an in depth or at all complete explanation of this concept, but it's basically the basics for brevity's sake (:” nonsense. I'm going to give you however much information I feel is the necessary amount for you to not be embarrassed if you bring it up around someone truly familiar with the topic.

That's a difficult calculation to get right, and I'm not great at math. I might be catastrophically wrong about things now and again. Or most of the time. Maybe always. But the Semiurge Promise is not perfect accuracy, it's freshness. Our ideas are made taken as straight from the source as they can, percolated through my gray cells, carefully inspected to ensure acceptable levels of apophenia per million connections, and delivered directly to your peepers, ears if you use a screen-reader, skin if you've worked out some sort Helen Keller device, or sundry other parts if you're both inventive and getting freaky with it in some fashion. It's farm to table thought drippings. Yum. Even if you don't like it what I have to say, I hope it'll make you go “Huh” with whatever level of interest is necessary for you to deem the experience not a complete waste of time. Unless you're somebody I would think is a real asshole. Then I hope it makes you miserable.

Semiurge: our standards may be low, but they're very firm.

Furthermore, I consider Palestine to need to be freed.