I'm doing a workshop about self care this weekend, so I'm thinking about it again.

I've spoken a lot about self care, about how to break it down, how to try to make it easier on yourself, and why it's important to do so, so I sometimes wonder if I have anything new to say about it. I'm still not sure if I do, but I want to touch on something that I've not in a while, and it's about why I like to start with self care when it comes to coaching. (It's not just because that's the name of my business). (also I might be opening up coaching slots towards the end of the year, once I figure out my academic needs).

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The reason I ask about client's relationships with self care, is because self care requires 4 things:

• Noticing that you need care/what care you need

• Having the time/energy/etc to provide that care

• Allowing yourself to care for yourself

• Allowing yourself to receive care from yourself.

These things are difficult. Different people might have different specific issues with self care, and exploring how self care is for them can open up explorations to help improve people's self care, and so their relationship with themselves.

This is partly a reason for self care being linked with buying a little treat (something I also occasionally do, I'm not here to judge, just to be curious). Obviously capitalism will wring money out of anything, but looking at my own patterns of impulsive spending, it tracks with times where my self care has been de-prioritised, or I'm finding it difficult for whatever reason. It just short cuts all the work of providing care and you get the dopamine hit you need.

So, when I get the urge to buy yet another book, I take a moment to stop and wonder what's actually going on for me.

It's pointless to ask myself if it's a book I really want, my wish list on libro.fm is 186 books deep, it's always a book I want.

But what am I missing that I think buying this book at this specific time will bring me? Is it solely the little ding of dopamine? Will this book bring me something I need? Is it an author I love?

Or is it that I need time alone, and buying an audiobook is a placeholder for 'time spent doing things I love by myself'? In that case, buying the book won't necessarily make those things happen. They don't even really set an intention, because I'm not necessarily intentionally buying the book, right? I'm picking one out of my wish list, sure, but that curation has already happened.

This mindfulness in itself is self care.

What do I need? Time alone reading.

The next question is: how do I make this happen?

Normally I go for a walk and listen to my audiobook. Right now it's far too hot to go out unnecessarily, unfortunately, so I need to carve out another space for this.

The next questions are when, and how. Assuming I am able to make this happen on a practical level, what's stopping me? What feelings are coming up when I think about taking time to lie on bed with a fan and an audiobook? Am I feeling undeserving? Guilty? Shame?

These are the real blockers. All the books in the world won't solve the problem of me feeling undeserving of time to read. Is it that the book will be fiction and not for 'work'? Is it that I have other things I need or feel like I should be doing?

Answering this questions will help figure out what is making self care so difficult. The answers will differ depending on the day and will range from feeling undeserving of care all the way to it being too hot to take time to do anything that requires thought.

The secret is that this whole process is self care. Taking time to be curious about your own processes and patterns is the heart of self care. Figure yourself out, learn how to care for yourself in a way that works, and come out of the process more in touch with your inner world.

It's messy and difficult, but it can really be worth it.

I'm off to go figure out when I'm listening to my book. Keep cool, stay hydrated.