I was talking to a friend recently (hi Simon) about some nonsense that's happening with my training centre. I've been there for the entirety of my counselling training, and even though my friends and partner are convinced I'm in some sort of Stockholm Syndrome situation with the centre, the truth is that I am now used to this kind of nonsense. There's nonsense everywhere, a lot of the time, you just get to choose what nonsense you're okay with, vs what you get out of that nonsense.

My training centre has incredible teaching, and I've grown personally and professionally in ways I couldn't have imagined going in. I'm not saying I couldn't get this anywhere else, but talking to people who are at different training centres, the training here is incredibly deep comparatively. It's also a lot of work, and they're not the best when it comes to the admin side. So that's the payoff. I get teaching I think is deeper and more personal than in a larger training centre, and on the flip side, I have to deal with the aforementioned administrative nonsense.

This led to us talking about the nonsense index. There is nonsense about, are you okay with that? Are you getting enough out of whatever it is to outweigh that nonsense?

Jobs are the easy one to think about here. as that is transactional relationship, when you boil it down. You work, you have a career, whatever. Chances are, there is some nonsense. Paperwork, annual reviews, corporate training, occasionally having encounters with members of the public who are having a bad day and make it your problem. Nonsense that isn't ideal, but you do it in return for the things you enjoy about your work, and also for a wage that ideally would be enough to live off.

I don't want to make interpersonal relationships transactional, because that's a habit I had a while ago and it took my so long to fully put that mental ledger down. I would try to make sure I wasn't 'taking too much' without giving enough back. It was a constant calculation of trying to not be burden on people. I didn't believe I was worthy enough just as a human to receive support without paying it back.

This is where the nonsense index fails, for multiple reasons:

1. Interpersonal relationships aren't/shouldn't be transactional in general

2. Your level of nonsense is different at different times

3. Everyone else's acceptance of your nonsense will be different based on their own nonsense

4. None of this is actually scientifically sound, it's more of a vibe

However, there are times where taking stock of what a situation is asking of you vs what it's serving you is an important question.

Sometimes it's a reminder to intentionally remember what is good or worthwhile about a situation, or spend some time doing things that make the nonsense worth it. Sometimes it's a reminder that it's temporary, and it'll pass.

Sometimes it's a way of realising you've changed, or the situation has changed, so it's no longer worth it in the current form. From there you can make a change, whether that's removing yourself, or putting effort in to re-calibrate, so there's less nonsense (or more good stuff).

It can even be used as a more general check in on your life. How many nonsense streams are you currently handling? Are you reaching your limit of nonsense?

This is a light way of looking at things, but sometimes things aren't necessarily deep, but they are stressful. Sometimes people find it difficult to accept they need help, or self care, because they're not managing anything 'that bad', and maybe you're not, but maybe you've got lots of small things going on that are building up. Maybe you're managing multiple nonsense indices.

What's your nonsense index currently looking like?