Some reminders for when you're ill
I've been ill for the best part of a week. I'm recovering but the fatigue and gastrointestinal distress is lingering.
Here's what I'm reminding myself of while I (as much as I can) take it easy:
It's okay to take the time I need.
It's okay to trust in myself and the people around me to support me when needed, and this includes my tutors when I need to take time off.
My anxiety is going to be higher when I'm ill and tired. This is normal.
I don't need to believe my anxiety.
Like, really, I don't need to believe that I'll always be like this, that I'll never be able to complete my course and requisite hours, that something will go wrong and I'll regret taking this time
I also don't need to 'work harder' when I call in sick in order to 'make up' for it.
I'm going to drink a lot of tea.
I'm going to try to spend my time well.
Doomscrolling is bad for me when I'm ill and anxious, because I will compare myself in a way that I won't when I'm well.
If I doomscroll I stick to people I follow and who's content I know I enjoy in order to spend that time better. Try to comment and be active. Be in community.
Maybe I write, maybe I read, maybe I listen to a favourite audiobook and snooze. I'm also allowed to play video games.
I am so grateful for leftovers and how easy I make it to make food for myself. The effort is entirely worth it.
In writing this I've realised I have some unresolved trauma with taking 'too much time off' from my childhood.
I also have some issues around being 'ill enough' to take time off from my childhood and also working in general. Especially in pharmacy, when we were constantly exposed to ill and vulnerable people, but also there was no built in cover for illness, so taking time off ill meant your coworkers being even more overworked and you coming back to work to even more work and guilt.
I don't know if you folks know, but it turns out capitalism sucks and also being chronically ill sucks and combined? It really really sucks.
Look after yourself as well as you can. Try to plan for your bad days on your good days