September is Suicide Prevention Month
TW: Suicidal Ideation
I've written before how I am ambivalent to mental health awareness months/days but I've been thinking about September being Suicide Prevention month and I feel I can offer some advice for people wanting to help, and some words for people experiencing suicidal ideation.
Firstly: Asking about suicide doesn't make someone more likely to die by suicide. If you're worried about someone, ask them. Say you're worried about them, and ask if they are safe. Awkwardness will pass, I promise. Also you've opened up as being someone who can be spoken to about this subject, which may be helpful for people. There’s still some stigma about suicide and suicidal ideation.
I think this comes from panic. There’s a feeling that if someone talks about suicidal ideation, or reaches out for help, you’re now responsible for that person’s continued life. Which makes sense! It’s a scary situation.
(there are the people who will respond badly, of course. People talk about everything the person has to live for, or tries to guilt them into living. This is unhelpful, of course).
Unless you have training, it's going to be a tough conversation (it's tough with training). Here’s the thing though: if someone is asking for help, chances are they don’t actually want to die. They’re probably scared, and tired, and want support. You can give that to them. Here’s some tips:
Empathise, tell them that whatever they're going through sounds tough. Ask them if they need support, or what support they need. If you can offer practical things, then do that: sitting with them, making sure they eat or take their meds, sit with them while they call someone. You don't need answers, just to be present.
If you’re really concerned or the danger is imminent, call someone for support, both for them and for you. Here’s a good article from the NHS, with a list of support organisations at the end: https://www.tewv.nhs.uk/about-your-care/practical-guide/suicidal-thoughts-support/.
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Suicidal ideation is tough. Whether it's active, passive, or intrusive thoughts, it's difficult to experience. It can be scary, like the thoughts aren’t coming from you. Or it can be bone deep, colouring everything you do. It can mean changing your routes to work to avoid bridges, or making sure that you have check-ins to ensure you’re keeping safe.
Sometimes the best you can do is focus on the next minute, or the next 5 minutes, and get through that. For me, I found that it got easier to get through that minute, and then the next, and the next. I made myself tea, or drank some water, and got through that minute with something to make myself physically feel better.
Sometimes I distracted myself with tv, or the internet. Dissociation isn’t healthy, but distraction until the feelings pass or you feel more able to face them can be helpful in the moment. There’s a difference between in the moment care and longer term care. Getting through a moment vs sitting with those feelings in a safe space when you feel able.
After a while I realised that wanted that tea, wanted to go outside, wanted to engage actively with media. I had things I wanted to do that involved me living.
After a time it became background noise, and then barely even noise. When it pops up now, it's usually intrusive thoughts, or a sign I'm burning out (I don't want to die, I just want to not have to be a responsible adult for a while, you know?) It's easier to deal with. These days any hesitation around bridges comes from anxiety, and I fear walking under them as much as walking over them.
It can get easier, but the road is tough. It requires work and support. It’ll be messy, but you’ll learn your patterns, and be able to work with them.
Be kind to yourself.
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