Remember how far you've come
I saw this tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@taradefrancisco/video/7459977428161580331?_r=1&_t=ZG-8tDjl0ZUano
For people who don’t want to go to tiktok, the main takeaway is:
Maybe you don’t realise how good you’re doing because you keep raising the fucking bar.
And I needed to hear that, when I saw it a couple of weeks ago. I think we forget that the things we find difficult now, we’d have found overwhelming a few years ago.
I’m currently in the process of getting my fitness to practice. What that looks like is recording a 30min therapy session (a role play with a peer), playing that recording to my class, then leaving the room for my tutors and peers to talk over the session, decide whether it’s a pass or fail, and then getting me back in the room to deliver the verdict and feedback.
I was the fourth person to do it, and so far, none of us have passed.
It’s an incredibly high bar, we have to hit certain things in the session, show we can work with theory, and convey the boundaries of the space effectively.
I knew going in that my theory wasn’t the strongest in the session I submitted, so the fail wasn’t entirely unexpected. The feedback was mostly good, and even my tutor said she learned something from the session. But it was still a fail. I get two more attempts, and I’m back at the end of the queue, so I have a few more weeks before I can try again.
I know that a few short years ago I wouldn’t have even got this far. I can see the trajectory of how better I’ve got at being a counsellor, and being in the therapeutic space with a client. I feel more grounded, more present, and I’m starting to trust my ability more.
I also wouldn’t have been able to even face that feedback and not think about quitting.
It was difficult, I did get a bit teary, but I also welcomed that feedback. It was important, and it was kind, and I needed it in order to grow.
I credit my learning centre, in part, for that. The space they’ve made is safe and supportive. The feedback is always given well, and there’s space for you to process your feelings. In fact, in class that afternoon, I processed what I’d found difficult about using the theory in the session, and dug into that a little bit.
I left that day feeling a lot, but mostly grateful. And that in itself is growth.
I failed, and didn’t feel shame, I didn’t feel the need to hide, not once did I question my place as a future therapist. It’s part of the process, and I’m feeling confident in my ability to do better and pass next time.
I also feel happy with the feedback I give in these sessions. I know the importance of feedback that’s clear and useful.
I was talking to a coaching client recently about how feedback in a work setting should be a collaborative process. Feedback can be difficult to hear, especially where you need to improve, but when usefulness and psychological safety are core parts of the feedback process, it becomes a collaboration between manager/leader/teacher/peer and the person receiving feedback.
Everyone in my class wants us to succeed, we’re all in this together, and we want to see us all grow and become the best counsellors we can. This means we’re giving each other feedback that we need to hear with kindness and support.
The thing is, sometimes we don’t see our growth until we hit something that makes us reflect. There are no ‘achievement unlocked’ notifications when you get better at failing or hearing feedback or delivering difficult feedback.
This is another reason reflection can be really important! It can make this work visible.
The fitness to practice process is really difficult, but it’s still easier than it would’ve been 2 years ago. This moment is a time of reflection, and realising that I’ve come a long way.
Next time you have a moment like this, whether it be a failure, delivering difficult feedback, setting a boundary, anything difficult that you may have been working on, reflect on how much easier it is now compared to previously. You might be surprised at the growth that’s happened.