On writing
I'm writing a book! Because apparently a weekly email newsletter isn't enough writing for me... (this is a free version of the newsletter, please subscribe to support if you like my work!)
I’m writing a book. Sort of. A book/journal? Like a book with exercises and spaces for people to write thoughts and feelings, and do the exercises, all in one place. It’s been something I’ve been thinking about for years, but I finally sat down and put all my writing together and found I have a decent outline. I have over half the content. I have to write and commit now.
I have no idea on timelines, or how I’ll get it printed. Will I do pre-orders? A kickstarter? Who knows. I’m trying to focus on the content first, as that will need to be edited and finessed. I am excited though!
The book will be about building a relationship with yourself, which is something I’ve found difficult but worthwhile. The book will cover Why building a relationship with yourself is useful, how to connect with your body and mind, practicing being yulnerable with yourself, changing how you talk to yourself, and a bunch of other things.
I want to share little sections of writing as I go, so you’ll be getting snippets every now and then. I’m excited to hear what you think!
As we’re on the topic of writing, here is part of the section on writing:
A theme throughout my life is that I’ve always known what I’ve needed to do months or sometimes years before I got to the point of no return. I knew from the age of about 16 that I needed therapy, but I didn’t feel like I could engage with my trauma until I was in my late 20s and early 30s.
I knew from my 20s that I was going to end up cutting contact with my family, but didn’t start that process really until my 30s.
And so on.
My subconscious, for all it’s survival patterns that trip me up and actively makes my life harder sometimes, does know what it needs. I just sometimes have to give myself time to work up to it. The two incidents above were on the tip of my tongue for a while, something I’d thought around but not really thought about it head on. When I finally acknowledged them out loud, even just to myself, it felt like a cross between a revelation and a relief. I knew that I needed to do these things but it still felt like I’d come to a surprising conclusion when I acknowledged that need.
This is why I recommend writing so much.
(Note: when I talk about writing I don’t necessarily mean pen and paper. For self care needs, the format is far less important than the act of committing thoughts to a record. The important things you need to do is to make your thoughts tangible, reviewable, and stored somewhere other than your brain. When ever I say writing, feel free to mentally replace with drawing, speaking into a recording app on your phone, etc)
The thing about writing is that the blank page doesn't care about the quality of your words. You can say what you want, it doesn't have to be good or make sense or even be a language. You can just type aldjsldjaskldjl and the blank page won't judge you.
This also means you can be free to write your unfiltered thoughts and feelings. Write things that you can't bring yourself to say out loud, not even to yourself. You can throw it away or delete it and no one will ever know what you wrote. It’s a really good way of giving yourself space that’s yours, no one else’s, and spending time in that space, exploring your thoughts.
It's freeing as much as it's terrifying.
Want to write prose? Excellent. Mind map? Flow diagrams? Bullet points? Want to rant or vent or explain out loud to a video or voice recording? (you don't have to record your face, just your voice. You can put your phone face down on a table or bed while you talk).
The idea behind this is you can't write or type or speak as fast as you can think. That space of slowing down and putting your thoughts into words means you have to engage with your thoughts. They become more than formless, maybe overwhelming feelings. Acknowledging your thoughts and needs in your conscious mind gives them space there, for better or for worse. You invite them into the open, where they’re harder to ignore.