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Have you ever felt stuck?

We talk about being stuck in therapist circles. It's when sessions get stuck in a loop, and neither the client or therapist knows how to shift things once more. Sometimes (often, even) the client knows they're feeling stuck, but they may not know what that is or why it's happening. It might show up as feeling unsure, or resistance to exploring or changing things, or a heavy feeling that can't be pinned down well.

There are lots of different ways to help client and therapist move out of this stuckness, and a lot of it depends on the relationship between the client and the therapist, where in the process the client is, and what the stuckness is being triggered by.

Sometimes the stuckness is because there's somewhere the client needs to go, but the therapist can't go there. If there's an exploration or a subject that the therapist is avoiding, this can contribute to the stuckness of the client, because the client needs the therapist to go there with them. Maybe the therapist is avoiding difficult subjects because they don't want the client to get upset. It can be easy at the start of training to feel like you're 'making clients upset', or that clients won't like you, and this can block you from asking the questions the clients need to hear.

Other times it's about fear. Stuckness is a form of safety. There's a knife edge feeling when you're on the precipice of making a change. There's an inherent knowledge that you can't go back once you've taken this step. This shows up when you need to face a particularly deep or big topic, when you decide to start to make changes in your life and relationships, or yourself, there's an big unknown. How will the people in your life react? What changes will come from this? Can I do this? What if it goes wrong? Yes what's happening now feels untenable, but what if the alternative is somehow worse? Staying in this Schrodinger's change - not quite the same, but not yet taken any action - feels like safety.

Maybe we need to take a moment (I'm reminded of The Hanged Man in tarot, which can be read as being stuck or taking a moment to look at things from different perspectives). Taking a breath and acknowledging where you are and where you want to go is fine. The issue is when this is where we stay, not wanting to go back, or move forward.

In my experience on both sides of the metaphorical table, the first step is noticing, and acknowledging the stuckness. 'Why do I keep coming back to this?' Or, 'you've mentioned this a few times, what's coming up for you when we talk about it?'

The noticing and admitting that there's a block there is important. And it does feel like admitting to something. It's incredibly vulnerable to talk about what's stopping you from moving once you realise you need to move.

On the other hand, you might not even know what's causing it, you just know that you're feeling stuck, and that can feel shameful, because you're doing this work to know yourself, and there's still this blind spot that you can't see the shape of properly.

Allow yourself to be frustrated or stuck, feel it in your body if you can. Often, this can lead to the emotion or fear that's blocking you. You have to really ground yourself, because this is where your avoidance mechanisms come in. People (and I'm including myself here) will often change the subject to something that's easier, or talk around the thing, rather than face it head on. Keeping you focused is something a good therapist can do for you (and you can learn yourself if you focus on noticing your feelings during these times of stuckness).

It's a really difficult spot to be in, whether you're the client or the therapist. This is why my training focuses on congruence, so as a therapist, I can bring this sense of stuckness to the client openly, and see what their response is. That sense of being real and true can make it easier to approach, because it's not just the client that's feeling this way, but the therapist is there with them in the trenches. It can lead to some breakthroughs, or at least a sense of being seen and acknowledged, which can be helpful.

Stuckness is sometimes a necessary part of the process, where you have to push forward through the old ways that have kept you safe for so long. It's learning to trust yourself and your processing, and realising that you have to feel your way through it.