2025 was a year. I think it was a big one for a lot of people, in good and bad ways.

For me it was a rollercoaster, and it’s left me feeling a little shaky. I was expecting to feel that rush of adrenaline that a new year brings, but that’s not been the case.

My anxiety has been jangling my nerves. Not long after I made peace with the fact that I might need to resit the year did my placement hours pick up again, and it’s possible that I’ll graduate in July. The whiplash was a bit extreme. This means I have a lot of work to do, I have evidence to submit, and then re-submit when I get it wrong and I’ve not passed.

This has felt impossible. The disappointment of work coming back as not proficient has been difficult in a way that I didn’t expect. I love feedback. In fact, my tutor remarked that I’m one of the best students she’s ever had when it comes to receiving feedback. But something about marked work coming back as not proficient is stopping me in my tracks. I’m disappointed in myself, and I find that difficult.

So I have to sit with the disappointment and move through it. Do the work and be disappointed anyway. It feels like it shouldn’t be difficult, but it is. It feels overwhelming to face up to my own shortcomings (it’s literally just homework that I need to work on, not the end of the world), and then re-submit and improve (what if I get it wrong again? What if I’m not good enough?).

I have a lot to do to catch up, but it’s not unsurmountable.

I think the best I can do right now is to be disappointed by me taking action and failing, rather than disappointment in not taking action. Surely it’s better to do, know, and improve than to not do and never achieve at all.