Affirmations
Future compliments, prompts to buiild affirmations, and workshops!
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Action follows thought.
One of the reasons self talk is so important is that the way you talk to yourself can affect how you act. This is why I'm focused on affirmations, and am putting on workshops to help people craft them. I have a couple of workshops available now, with more to come: https://selfcarebackpack.com/events/
By putting your goals into future compliments, you're challenging and counteracting negative self talk. More than that, it allows you to think about how you can make that compliment true.
We talk about goals as things that need to be specific, broken down into manageable chunks, and this is correct when you have a concrete goal. But personal changes and development tend to be vaguer and more all encompassing. Be healthier, spend time better, etc.
By using an affirmation, you can put a resolution or goal into a positive format, and it gives you time and space to think about all the ways you can make that affirmation true.
The example I use is 'I respond to things in a calm and grounded manner'.
This affirmation came about because I noticed I often responded to things in an outsized way. Often these big reactions had very little to do with the actual situation, and more to do with my internal landscape. This meant that my reactions often were exhausting, confusing, and left me feeling shame. I wanted to change this, and so I formed this affirmation.
note to self: write something about being 'overdramatic' in the future.
This was important for me to make true for multiple reasons. Firstly for my own mental health and wellbeing, reacting like this to situations was inconvenient at best, and occasionally led to me having to apologise and explain to the people I'd reacted at.
The second was due to my career change. If I want to be a counsellor, I need to be able to stay grounded in the face of possibly difficult conversations, and not bring my own reactions into the session.
I had/have multiple tools to help me with this goal.
Regular reflection of what I'm feeling. If I notice I have a big reaction to something, I put it to one side, and then come back to it later, to explore why this thing caused such a reaction. This often leads to important information (I've written previously about how, if I'm finding empathy a struggle, it's usually because I'm not giving myself empathy), and productive ways forward.
Grounding. I have ways to ground myself in the moment when I need to, whether that's in reminding myself to breath, a physical reminder (I will subtly touch a ring I'm wearing to remind myself to be in my body), or even noticing something about the person I'm talking to. What's their body language like (a good one for me in counselling practice), something about their clothes, something innocuous to keep me in the present.
The combination of grounding but knowing I'll have space to explore my feelings later on means I know I'm not just pushing my feelings to the side, but instead giving me space to explore my feelings that's more appropriate. It means I grow my self awareness by giving myself space to reflect on things that cause reactions in me, which then allows me to build resillience, making difficult conversations easier, and the cycle continues.
This has really worked for me, and having that affirmation is a reminder in the moment (or as a prep for going into a situation), as a nice way to ground myself and bring myself into a calmer mindset.
Here's some prompts to help you think about affirmations in this way:
What do I want to change?
Why do I want to change this?
What affect will this change have in my life?
What has made this change difficult before?
What does success look like?
How will I manage setbacks?
What support will I need to manage this change?
See these links for more writing on kind accountability and working with your bullshit:
Kind accountability and consistency • Buttondown
Kind accountability is a reframing exercise. It's similar to the way I use affirmations as future compliments: instead of framing an improvement or change...
Working with your bullshit, not against it • Buttondown
The official SCB discord is open! Sign up here to join a community working on self care: https://discord.gg/B3hF5X3ZyA Let’s talk about how to know your own...
You can answer these prompts in any way you like. Jump on pinterest and make a vision board for what you want your life to look like, and then see what changes you can make to move towards it. Write out words that fit the change you want, and see what patterns come up. Chances are, if it's important, it'll keep coming up, and you'll figure out what change you want to bring in.
This is a nice way to think about 2024, what you want to change, and how you can be kind to yourself as you manage this change (I'll have a bigger reflection post with prompts out before the end of the year).
Have fun, something we don't normally associate with making personal changes or resolutions.
Starting with kindness and allowing your thoughts to focus on why you want to change, what that looks like, and what support you need will allow you to make sustainable, consistent change. This is a different approach to resolutions which are often around stopping doing something, or giving something up (which is a valid method for some things! But not the only way).
So, what will your 2024 affirmation be?