Archive • Sameach • Buttondown

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front...

1. Regular naps prevent old age.... especially if you take them while driving. 2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee. 3....

I went to the Walmart today, and I was there for only 5 minutes. When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap...

A collection of funny attorney anecdotes: Q: When is your birthday? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: All your responses must be oral, okay?...

A KGB agent walks up to a Jew and says, "Why are you learning Hebrew; we'll never let you leave."The man says, "Oh no, I'm learning Hebrew so when I get to...

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."As the rest of the squad wandered...

A man arrives at Ben-Gurion Airport with two bags, one large and one small.The customs agent opens the small bag and finds it full with money so he asks the...

An Israeli and Arab who are arguing over who a duck belongs to, as they each claim it was killed on their land. The Israeli says, “We will hit each other....

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA...

Three Jewish mothers get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow “oy.”The second takes...

While attending a public dinner, a Rabbi was seated next to a prominent businessman. Apparently attempting to impress the rabbi, the man mentioned that one...

A woman was complaining to her husband that the lightbulb in the hallway hadn't been fixed yet."What's the problem?" the husband protested. "Didn't I tell...

A bunch of boys had come back to school after Pesach vacation and were discussing the length of their Seder."We finished Maggid after Chatzos," one said....

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning,...

Due to a technical error, some subscribers were not lucky enough to receive a joke on Wednesday morning. If you are one of them, please click here to find...

A guy is in a car accident and he breaks both of his legs. He calls the police and they ask him what street he is on and he says, "I'm on Schlepsentle...

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom in a high school: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move...

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition."What are...

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said,...

A blonde goes to the doctor and tells him she has been extremely moody lately and can't control her temper.He suggests, "Sounds like stress. You should try...

An old blacksmith realized he was going to have to retire soon, so he picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice.The old fellow was crabby and...

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments "You look terrible. What's the problem?""My mother died in...

A first grade teacher tells her class that she is American and asks them to raise their hands if they are American.All of their hands explode into the air...

Three men are sitting on a beach in Jamaica talking about how they all ended up there. The first man says, "I ran a superstore out in California. But...

A British man, Frenchman, and American are on an African safari when they are captured by cannibals. The cannibal leader addresses them, "I'm sorry...

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles...

There is an old Jewish lady watching a MPAA screening where they rate movies. She is screening this old remake of a Roman movie. In the middle of the movie...

Two Israeli taxicab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?" "Well," the other...

Two drunk Irishmen are in a graveyard. Paddy starts reading the gravestones. "Mick," he says, "Would you look at this -- a fellow here was 90 when he died!"...

The Edelstein family from New York was getting a guided tour through one of the ancient crusader forces in the land of Israel. "This place," their tour guide...

There were three men: one Scottish, one Irish, and one Jewish. Every day they went to work. They were builders, working on the top of a building.One day, the...

Dr. Jacobs finished his examination and informed Herman that he was in perfect health. "But what about my headaches?" Herman moaned. "I'm not at all worried...

Moishe Tupperman prided himself on being the best piano tuner in the city. And boy, if you waited too long to call Tupperman’s Tuners, he would let you have...

Sarah Rosenberg wanted her husband Shaul to take off a day next week to visit her folks, so he went in to see his boss. "Sir, can I have a day off next week...

Sarah Rosenberg took her parents out for an evening show – a well-known magician – and she schlepped her husband Sholom along. After one particularly amazing...

Ben got a job at an economy motel working at the front desk. A guest checking in, a Mr. John Robinson ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, Mr....

Mordechai had been out of work for a year now. He wasn’t sure if it was his education or his interview skills that were preventing him from obtaining a new...

Shlomo managed to obtain his PhD in psychology and opened a practice. But his real dream was to be an expert witness in court and soon enough he got his...

Four surgeons at Jerusalem’s Hadassah hospital are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. Dr. Hadari says, "I like to see accountants on my...

Moishe Sapperstein was a new recruit in the British Army. On his first day, an officer came up to him and said, "What is your name?""Moishe Sapperstein," he...

Yankel Epstein decided that it was time to get in shape, so he took up jogging and signed up for the New York City Marathon. Problem was, he wasn’t that...

The husband had just finished reading the book, "Man of the House."He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.Pointing a finger in her...

Hymie is sitting in the dentist's chair and is just about to have some extensive and expensive cosmetic work carried out on his teeth. Moshe his dentist...

Rivkah Epstein walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look,” Rivkah said. "What's your secret...

The obituary editor of the Jerusalem Post is not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller...

Precocious Little Moishie Goldberg was just starting fourth grade but went back to the third grade classroom for old time sake."Hello Moishie," said Mrs....

Mendy and Mushkie were Chabad emissaries in Okinawa, Japan, and they were expecting their first baby. When the good news came, they called their parents...

Son: Dad, You are my hero.Dad: Really?Son: Yes. Can you give me an autograph with your eyes closed?Dad: Well, yes, of course.Son: That's great! Then here,...

Old Morris Weisenstein had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of...

Rachel went away to a liberal arts college on the West Coast and promptly became an avid animal rights activist. When she returned home for Chanukah she...