Archive • Sameach • Buttondown

Two drunk Irishmen are in a graveyard. Paddy starts reading the gravestones. "Mick," he says, "Would you look at this -- a fellow here was 90 when he died!"...

The Edelstein family from New York was getting a guided tour through one of the ancient crusader forces in the land of Israel. "This place," their tour guide...

There were three men: one Scottish, one Irish, and one Jewish. Every day they went to work. They were builders, working on the top of a building.One day, the...

Dr. Jacobs finished his examination and informed Herman that he was in perfect health. "But what about my headaches?" Herman moaned. "I'm not at all worried...

Moishe Tupperman prided himself on being the best piano tuner in the city. And boy, if you waited too long to call Tupperman’s Tuners, he would let you have...

Sarah Rosenberg wanted her husband Shaul to take off a day next week to visit her folks, so he went in to see his boss. "Sir, can I have a day off next week...

Sarah Rosenberg took her parents out for an evening show – a well-known magician – and she schlepped her husband Sholom along. After one particularly amazing...

Ben got a job at an economy motel working at the front desk. A guest checking in, a Mr. John Robinson ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, Mr....

Mordechai had been out of work for a year now. He wasn’t sure if it was his education or his interview skills that were preventing him from obtaining a new...

Shlomo managed to obtain his PhD in psychology and opened a practice. But his real dream was to be an expert witness in court and soon enough he got his...

Four surgeons at Jerusalem’s Hadassah hospital are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. Dr. Hadari says, "I like to see accountants on my...

Moishe Sapperstein was a new recruit in the British Army. On his first day, an officer came up to him and said, "What is your name?""Moishe Sapperstein," he...

Yankel Epstein decided that it was time to get in shape, so he took up jogging and signed up for the New York City Marathon. Problem was, he wasn’t that...

The husband had just finished reading the book, "Man of the House."He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.Pointing a finger in her...

Hymie is sitting in the dentist's chair and is just about to have some extensive and expensive cosmetic work carried out on his teeth. Moshe his dentist...

Rivkah Epstein walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look,” Rivkah said. "What's your secret...

The obituary editor of the Jerusalem Post is not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller...

Precocious Little Moishie Goldberg was just starting fourth grade but went back to the third grade classroom for old time sake."Hello Moishie," said Mrs....

Mendy and Mushkie were Chabad emissaries in Okinawa, Japan, and they were expecting their first baby. When the good news came, they called their parents...

Son: Dad, You are my hero.Dad: Really?Son: Yes. Can you give me an autograph with your eyes closed?Dad: Well, yes, of course.Son: That's great! Then here,...

Old Morris Weisenstein had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of...

Rachel went away to a liberal arts college on the West Coast and promptly became an avid animal rights activist. When she returned home for Chanukah she...

A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Rabbi are discussing what they would like people to say after they die and their bodies are on display in...

Old Moshe Kestenbaum witnessed a burglary so he was called to testify at the trial.The defense lawyer asked Moshe, "Did you see my client commit this...

Judy Goldstein and Dovid Horowitz were getting married, and it was only three days before the wedding. Judy calls her mother with some bad news. "Mom," she...

Michoel made his neighbors proud by being the first member of his town to be accepted into medical school.While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray...

A high school dropout, an accountant and an actuary applied for a job. Each was asked how much is 1+1. The dropout said, "Uh, I think 3.”The accountant took...

A police car pulled up in front of Grandma Bessie's house, and Grandpa got out. The polite policeman explained that the elderly gentleman said that he was...

What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer."Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.Trying to...

David and Shirley Felder were in Israel to visit family and went out for breakfast to a restaurant where the special was two eggs, a bagel and a coffee for 6...

Ethel Rubinstein was celebrating her 80th birthday when she received a jury-duty notice. She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she was exempt...

Little Moishie Morris wanted a new clock for his room. So he went to the clock counter at the department store. But the store clerk helped all of the adult...

One day Dovid, a farm boy, accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn while traveling on one of the country roads. The farmer who lived nearby was riding...

Rivkah has been going through some hard times of late and has to cut down on her grocery bills. Recently she went to a local market to negotiate for some...

At his 103rd birthday party, Zadie Herman Rosenbaum was asked by his great grandson Shmueli if he planned to be around for his 104th."I certainly do,...

Mrs. Rosenberg complained to her daughter's teacher that someone in school was taking her daughter's new pencils."That's terrible," replied the teacher. "I...

Beth Israel synagogue in New York provides marriage seminars: some are for women, some are for men and some for couples.At the men’s seminar last week, the...

Rabbi Rabbinowitz’s appointment as the shul’s new Rabbi coincided with the shul’s appeal for aid for the victims of an earthquake that had just taken place...

Some choice in-flight announcements:"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move...

My dear son, Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I am writing this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. You won’t know the...

A group of tourists from Israel is visiting many of the famous sites in England. This afternoon, they are visiting Runnymede. Their guide tells the party,...

Howard Rosenberg was a leading District Attorney in New York known for his work ethic and his wit. He had dedicated over a year to a murder trial that was...

Miriam Sapperstein had been gaining weight steadily for many years and her doctor recommended that she go on a doctor assisted weight loss program. Every...

James and his long-suffering wife Sofia are lining up in their local bank when two thiefs run into the bank. Each is wearing a handkerchief around his mouth...

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand."If I wasn't under...

A group of senior IDF military officers were being given a tour at a new high tech military intelligence facility. Itzik, the intelligence officer hosting...

Two rival businessmen meet in the Warsaw train station. "Where are you going?" says the first man."To Minsk," says the second."To Minsk, eh? What a nerve you...

Old Morty Epstein was testifying as a witness to an automobile accident. The following exchange took place between Morty and the lawyer:Lawyer: "Did you...

Moishe Feldman, a young lawyer, decided to go out on his own and open his own law firm.He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques but...

Heshy and Izzie have breakfast together every morning at the local bagel shop.“You won’t believe what happened to me last night,” says Heshy.“I was so...