[Seth Says] With Library and Justice For All*

*offer may not be valid in all states; see your local listings for details.




Hello Friends,

I am here to tell you never to take a nap 5 hours before you normally go to bed, because you might end up waking up just when you'd normally be going to sleep, and be simultaneously tired and not tired and then go lie in bed for a few hours before giving up and going downstairs to heat up some leftovers for breakfast as your body rebels against being awake but is not tired enough to go to sleep and your whole schedule would be thrown off for days.

Hypothetically speaking, of course. (Or more accurately, high pathetically speaking.)(Not that I'm high on pot. Just high on pathos and drinking tea. I guess technically I'm high on kettle. And it's mine. Is that a kettlemine high? Maybe I should go back to sleep. Oh right, I tried, but I can't.)

Anyway, not sleeping isn't terribly interesting, as we all spend every waking hour not sleeping. Not that my life is terribly interesting in general. Which I prefer to interestingly terrible, like being attacked by a moose. But even that would still be preferable to predictably terrible, which is certainly what the news seems to be with the latest killings, reminding us that we're still pretty damned far from the ideal of justice for all.

 

If you were on one of those truth in advertising boards that determined whether ads were too misleading or made too many false claims about products, I'd want to hear more about your job. But also, you'd probably have to file a complaint against America because the whole land of opportunity, liberty, and justice for all thing is a pretty blatant misrepresentation. Mostly.

You know what really lives up to the ideals though? Public libraries. There's a reason I always refer to them as "the last bastion of the public good". Where our policing, prison system, laws, etc. have all failed, the public library system succeeds in providing that much-lauded universal equality and opportunity. If you are a resident, you get access to the vast world of knowledge and opportunity that libraries contain. Not just countless books, but these days also movies, music, and games, as well as Internet access.

This is the best thing we've ever come up with, and if you proposed it today, it would never happen. Regardless of your race, creed, income, weight, gender identity, sexual preference, etc., you can walk into your local library and at no cost, instantly be granted access to a world of knowledge to enrich and embetter your life. This is especially important for people who might be otherwise denied these resources due to Financial, Familial, Fascistic, or other F-ing reasons.

Of course, being the savvy, well-informed readers you are, you're already aware of the latest F-ing reason people are being denied access to enriching literature:
 

A teacher there had recently posted a video showing their school's empty library shelves, pursuant to new laws threatening teachers with jail time for having any books in their classroom not specifically reviewed and approved by the idea censor. It's pretty much textbook dystopia (in both senses).

I'm sure you've likewise been following this whole Florida schools situation with disgust, and since Florida is so obviously in need of children's literature, I've summarized the whole saga in a new Dr. Seuss parody I'm calling:
 

A friend referred to my work the other week as "LOLsob humor", which seems a not inaccurate concise explanation of my attempts to process awful circumstances with the use of humor. Because on the one hand, hey, fun Seuss parody. But on the other hand, dear god, the books. Or as they say in German,
 

It's no accident that the free library system best embodies the ideals of a free nation, and that fascists immediately begin targeting books, libraries, and the educational system. Books and freedom are very intertwined, precisely because an education lets you free your mind, which is why public libraries and public education are so valuable. Indeed, books and freedom are entwined even in the Latin, because books put the Liber in Libertas.

I realize this may seem like belaboring the subject-line wordplay for an etymological tangent, but I think it's an important point. And besides, I'd guess you probably appreciate words and reading more than most people. (I like ambiguity more than most people.) After all, you're reading this, which isn't easy. Can reading this commentary mixed with wordplay, obscure references, and rambling asides from a madman be rough? Of coarse. (Though I flatter myself to believe it's worth every penny of the subscription fee.) But this is obviously a newsletter not whittled down to an 8th grade reading level for the general public, so if you choose to read it, there's a decent chance that you, like me, did a lot of reading in your childhood and maintained that lifelong interest.

So I figure you understand how important books are, especially for children, which is why this Florida situation is so heartbreaking. And I suppose you're also more likely to appreciate wordplay and mildly arcane references, like this joke I made on Facebook during last week's snows:

"Many people know of SISYPHUS as the mythological figure doomed to repeatedly push a boulder up a hill, but it's actually an acronym. It stands for: 'Shit, I Shoveled Yesterday! Predicted Huge Upcoming Snowfall?'"

Anyway, my point is, I'm glad to have an audience of readers who appreciate literacy and silliness and etymology and things of that ilk. Thanks for being my preferred absurd word nerd herd.

Back in two weeks with another column.



Fortune Favors The Boulder,
Seth