[Seth Says] Who shall know the hour?

Probably the person with the wristwatch.
 

Hello, Peoples!

Somehow it's Thursday. To be fair, I can't believe it's already July, but then again, I can't believe it's already 2022, since I basically went into a time vortex when the pandemic started and then never emerged. And it didn't even have those cool special effects like in Time Bandits, not to mention no John Cleese, more's the pity.

Given my difficulties ("Scientology: We put the Cult in diffiCulties" - I have no idea why I just thought of this. Guess my brain is just on Cruise control) in knowing what day, month, and year it is now, it seems even less likely that I'd be able to pinpoint the day of my death (unless it was rapidly impending, natch). Which is inconvenient, since a lot of decisions and cost-benefit analysis sorts of things would be much easier if I had possession of that particular piece of information. Given the everything in the world, I'm not betting on super-long-term, but also I'm relatively young and avoid everything and everyone, so hopefully super-short-term is also not the case.

Currently I'm basically presuming I have a floating 5-year window; short enough that I need to enjoy my life now and not make any plans that won't pay off for a decade, but long enough that I still need to prepare for a potential future by doing things like earning money and avoiding covid and occasionally going for walks. Although after long walks yesterday and today, I seem to have a large blister on the underside of my foot, which seems likely to curtail my walking. That's blisters for you, give 'em an inch, they'll take a foot.

Sure, I'm a bit of a card, but I never did have much of a pokerface. These days, however, thanks in no small part to the indoor socializing avoidance, I've replaced a lot of cardgaming and boardgaming with videogaming. Turns out, it's convenient to have hobbies that don't require other people. Even without Covid, other people often have better things to do. It's enough to give you Attention Headache.

I, of course, continue to greatly appreciate the attention you pay by reading this little email newsletter. We know your time is valuable. For Spanish, press 2. 

My most recent column may say that it's about Imaginary Friends, leading you to believe that this entire fortnight's comedy is about my lack of socialization. But don't let that fool you; this column is actually about something else. Frankly, it took me forever to write, because while I knew I wanted to write about the topic, one of my guiding principles is that I should always try to address things in a new light that isn't just what everyone on the Internet is already saying about the topic. And most everything I wanted to say was already being said. But finally I settled on this idea, and hopefully it provides a few laughs while also providing some illuminating context.
 

"I tawt i taw an apocawypse. I did! I did taw an apocawypse!"

So, the world has continued to be not great. I won't rehash the various ways in which this is the case, because you also have the Internet, and I already gave you my extra writings on mass shootings in a previous newsletter. But here are a few Tweets I made recently amidst an avalanche of unpleasant world news:

"OOPS! All Doomscrolling"

"A fun thing to do if you're reading the news and feeling shitty is to read an endless feed of other people reading the news and feeling shitty and then never sleep."

"There are so many shootings in the US these days that I was amazed to see the hospital shooting from earlier in the week still popping up on my Twitter feed oh wait that's a new hospital shooting welp too bad we can never regulate guns guess we'll just let everyone get murdered"

"Q: What does a dehydrated werewolf do on Gilligan's Island?
A: Thirst and Howl."


That last one may not be apocalyptic and depressing, but it is a joke I came up with that I seemed to have a much higher opinion of than most everyone on my Twitter feed. ("Doesn't that describe all of your jokes and also all of your columns and poems?" "Yes, but this was a joke I really thought they'd be lycan.") Admittedly, it won't make any sense to those of you not familiar with Gilligan's Island, but it's not worth the time to explain it. That'd be a three-hour detour.
 

I guess that would have been a more appropriate header for the beginning than the end. Too bad I have no idea how time works, as previously mentioned. Or possibly as mentioned later? Who's to say? Probably the person with the wristwatch. But before this turns into cheesy reruns, I'll bid you a fondue. I just hope this newsletter wasn't a Skipper!

Back in two weeks with two more columns that are more fun than a coconut radio.


So Join Us Here Each Week My Friend,
Seth