[Seth Says] Use It Or Lose It
Q: Why will lots of teachers be out and about on Saturday?
A: Because teachers are pro-test.
(I realize this joke is undercut slightly by the fact that many teachers are indeed NOT pro-test, and believe that the best way to evaluate learning is more holistic, but there's only so much factual lifting that a bad pun can do.)(It's an exercise in futility.)(But weight, there's more.)(Okay there's not more, I'm just being a dumbbell.)
HELLO FRIENDS!
I have just finished eating some turnip greens, which I cooked not because I wanted to eat turnip greens, but because I wanted to not throw away turnip greens, which has been the fate of the last two batches of turnip greens, which arrived (as you'd expect) attached to turnips and which got saved until they went bad and then thrown away.
I hate wasting food, even when it's free food attached to the food I actually wanted, and so I had resolved that these turnip greens would not suffer the same ignominious fate. Tonight it was clear the turnip greens were on their last legs (not to be confused with turnips on their last legs), so it was a case of use it or lose it.
Conveniently, a little olive oil, vinegar, and maple syrup turned them into a meal that was surprisingly mediocre. (I wanted to say surprisingly good, but Debbie cooks good food all the time, so eating good food is no longer a surprise, but eating mediocre food is.) Still, I got to eat the food instead of throwing it away, and it wasn't bad, so I'm going to take my victories where I can get them. ("Come on down to Bob's Used Victory Lot! No money down!")("Come on down to Bob's Free Goosefeather Lot! No money down!")
IN NEED OF VICTORY
Today was a day that needed the victory, since it came at the end of an annoying week. (Obviously the world is on fire and I am not yet on fire so I am cognizant of my privilege but annoying is annoying.) I tried to write a column about current events and got caught in a depression spiral, and when I finally finished the column Debbie agreed with me that it wasn't funny enough so I had to write a whole new column. Then my editor pinged me last-minute to say they were spiking the new column because their readership would not understand my video game references, so I had to submit a third column I pulled from my college journal because I didn't have time to write a third column from scratch.
I guess the weeks leading up to Homecoming are as good a time as any to share these quarter-century-old stories (sorry classmates, you are also old now)(sorry non-classmates, I've likely just called a bunch of people much younger than you old):
Anyway, in addition to the column nonsense I apparently had a telemarketer spoof my number so I've had lots of annoyed voicemails, I managed to give myself a rash by cleaning out the garage without proper protective wear (literally a rash decision), and I burnt my pancake.
I do think that last one especially helped me keep a proper frame of mind and recognize that these annoyances are laughably minor and silly, and to have gratitude for the fact that my life is mostly so good that (health issues notwithstanding) I suffer the most first-world-iest of problems that are mockable even by me in the moment, but also I wanted a pancake and I burnted it.
MIT ZE BRAIN
Brainpower also falls in the use it or lose it category, a fact of concern as people seem increasingly inclined to attempt to outsource that to the environment-destroying plagiarism machine known as ChatGPT. I am perhaps not God's perfect messenger (what, a rhyming Torah wasn't enough?) for this particular complaint of brain usage, since I have been putting off using my brain to write this newsletter in favor of playing the latest stupid video game called BALLxPIT. ("How many video games have there been with that name?" "Not what I meant.")("Aren't you a writer? Why not use less ambiguous language?" "I believe you mean 'fewer'.")(whynotboth.gif)
Still, today has been a good day for team my brain still works a little. In addition to the newsletter, I got to catch up with an old friend I used to do improv with and we did a quick improvised scene over zoom for a project where I got to play a wacky scientist, so it's nice to stretch that particular muscle again. And I learned that the last-minute award acceptance speech I knocked off for a client the other day was very well received, which is always nice to hear.
ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHIN LEFT TO LOSE
I suppose freedom also falls in the use it or lose it category, so to all my friends who are attending protests today, I salute you. I also encourage you to wear a mask, not just because Covid remains a problem especially in densely packed crowds and you should protect yourself, but it also helps you protect others, and a little more facial anonymity is advisable in the current situation where the foxes (or step-geese) are running the henhouse and recording everything.
As always, I thank you for reading, will be back in two weeks with another column, and remember not to buy any necklaces from Amazon because Jeff Bezos has enough money and it's much better to support individual artists by purchasing all your necklaces from them instead. That's a declaration of indie pendants.
No Kings, No Gods, No Masters,
Seth