[Seth Says] Thanks For Nothing!

And I hope you'll noth again soon!
 

Whether you're reading this late on Thanksgiving night with a belly full of stuffing, or during Thanksgiving dinner because you needed to mentally escape from Uncle Hatch being racist and Great Aunt Doreen's complaining, or even the next day because you blacked out from all the tryptophan, I hope that you had an enjoyable Thanksgiving.

For me, the best part of Thanksgiving is the leftover sandwiches. It reminds us that even once a bird is dead, we can carve it up and get another few weeks of enjoyment out of it. So yes, I still haven't deleted my Twitter account.
 

Of course, like many holidays in a country with a history filled with violence and oppression (or as historians call it: "history"), Thanksgiving is not a big celebration for everyone. You probably learned in school about how the Pilgrims were the good guys, but by now you know that most things you learned in school were lies. I bet that guy Krebs never even owned a motorcycle.

Anyway, my latest column sets the record straight on the pilgrims, so I proudly present Get Stuffed: A Thanksgiving History.
 

I meant it when I said "Thanks for Nothing!"

This Thanksgiving what I most appreciate is nothing. Because the past year was full of THINGS and STUFF and frankly most of it was NOT GREAT (although I realize that I've now prevented myself from using the modern parlance to attribute veracity to myself by saying "no caps"), so it has honestly been a delight that the past few months have been blessedly uneventful (notwithstanding an imminent new family member, which is the rare good event).

There's a reason that "May you live in interesting times" is an old curse and not a blessing. We have had some interesting times over the past few years and I did not enjoy them, and I have arranged my life to be boring and pleasant, like an 800-piece jigsaw puzzle. What people say about the most interesting and exciting places is, "Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there." So naturally the inverse would be a boring place to visit but a nice place to live. That's just science. (Suck it, Krebs.)

 

That said, I do still want to thank you, dear reader, because it turns out that a writer with no readers is like a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear. (Mostly stumped, with little hope of re-leaf.)  And we know you have many choices when it comes to preposterous email newsletters filled with bad jokes and blather, so thank you for flying Sethwest.

But now I must take flight, as I have a turkey to attend to, and want to get a seat by the wing. Back in two weeks with another column.


Gobble gobble,
Seth