[Seth Says] Punctuated Productivity Tips

I considered ending that subject line with an interrobang. For those of you unfamiliar with that punctuation, it's probably the best way to get information out of a suspect?! But I didn't mean that type of punctuation anyway, I meant like equilibrium, which means balance, which I obviously didn't have, but I haven't even started and I'm already off on a tangent. See,can't start this newsletter without sine posting a topic header.
 

This is a very basic tip, but it's pretty much the key to productivity. I know some people have spates of productivity where they DO ALL THE THINGS!!!11interrobang, but this has never really been my modus operandi. (my modus operandi is looking for an excuse to use cool-sounding phrases like modus operandi, which sounds like the name of a mysterious hooded mystic found in the desert regions of Italy)("But Italy doesn't have a desert." "They have dessert the likes of which you cannoli dream of; that's close enough.)(Insert Godfather quote here)

More often though, I find that after doing a thing, then I want to bask in having finished the thing and kick back for a bit. Sometimes this makes perfect sense -- the other night I spent 8 hours speechwriting for a client whose presentation was today (I feel I should note that the last-minute nature was his, not mine. I'm very punctual for other people; I only habitually procrastinate for myself because I'm special.), and at 3am when I finally finished, I wanted to relax a bit and play a game rather than sleeping.

But also, when I finish writing THIS newsletter, which is much shorter and also much funnier (although I did get to put a few jokes in the speech, which I always enjoy), I'm still going to want to relax a bit and play a game rather than sleeping. (Also I just googled out of curiosity and apparently Italy does have a desert, or at least badlands.)("Where's the mafia from?" "The badlands.")(Why does no one ever live in the goodlands?)

So if you want to be more productive than me, try doing multiple things.
 

As mentioned in my previous newsletter, I waste too much time on social media. I guess arguably I spend not enough time with my friends so maybe that's a sort of balance, but it's a crappy sort of balance, like those little plastic ones with the two dishes and you put something in one and then the whole damn thing falls over because it's a cheap piece of crap. (Gosh, my conversational style is so focused and endearingly positive, can't imagine why I'm not always hanging out with people!)

Anyway, social media may be better than no socializing, but you should probably not spend too much time on it because it's also bad in various ways. For a funny exploration of some of those ways -- and to learn about what I really want from a social media platform -- I commend to you my latest column:
 

 

Whoah, dude, like, what kind of tip even is that? Totally slipped my mind, bro!

No, but actually the key to this is to space out your productivity, just load balancing your work over your time so there's a steady but manageable stream. By which I mean: Don't be like me! Because freelancing is pretty much always feast or famine, and I had no work in December or January, and then in the past two weeks I've written five speeches. (This also seems like an excellent place to remind you that I am a ghostwriter and punch up speeches and all sorts of other writing in a much more professional manner than this newsletter, in case you know anyone who might be in need of such a service from an expert.)

The result is that my productivity is very much punctuated (and punctual!)(and punchy!)(and punch punch punch). Also, I'm realizing that all my advice can be boiled down to just four words: "Don't be like me." (Although we could probably shorten that to "Don't be me" or if you don't care about grammar, "Don't me")(Insert your own "in bed" joke here) (Or if you'll remember the context, all advice can just be "Don't")(from the Bob Newhart school of psychotherapy)
 

I seem to have accidentally included productivity tips in this newsletter, potentially turning it into something useful, and thereby possibly irreparably damaging my brand. Well, we'll soon put a stop to that! I'm not going to become one of those newsletters that's filled with little useful business tips like my friend Lex. You can rest assured, next issue will return to my usual utility-free ramblings, where I will once again be offering perspectives of infinitesimal value because we've already commodified almost everything in the world, and the world keeps looking hungrily at the almost, so we'll stick it to capitalism together and keep this one thing out of its clutches. I'll provide you no actionable items or suggestions to improve your financial standing, and you keep not paying me because I refuse to turn this into a paid substack where people fork over money to subscribe to my newsletter, and we'll be rebels together.

Oh wait, never mind, I already suggested that people could hire me a few paragraphs ago, I guess I'm a big damn hypocrite.

Now THAT'S my brand!

Thanks for reading, back in two weeks with another column.



Uttering a Hypocritic Oath,
Seth