[Seth Says] Lose Your Soul With Just 50 A Day!

I hate networking.

I was going to write this newsletter and got distracted by Facebook and sure enough I didn't scroll down more than 2-3 pages before an ad popped up with an articled titled "Why You Should Always Be Networking". Always! Don't you dare relax for a weekend just to enjoy yourself. Your life is a business 24/7! Hand a business card to the guy at the next urinal, just in case! (But maybe not in the next stall, unless your business cards are soft and 2-ply.)

There's probably a happy medium to be found that involves doing more networking than me, Captain Sit At Home And Avoid People (one of Marvel's least popular superheroes), but less than the people you haven't heard from since highschool who contact you on Facebook to try to rope you into their multi-level marketing scheme. Because if you always commodify everything, life turns into a commode. And this is a path we should shun.
 

I'm just saying, it's exhausting to be around people who are always trying to sell you something. Hell, it's exhausting to BE people who are always trying to sell something. I think partially because trying to monetize every aspect of your life means that you're naturally going to evaluate it based on sales efficacy, which is a pretty crappy way to evaluate the value of your life or person or most other things that are not a business. Especially because it means that a lack of sales is going to make you think whatever you're doing is a waste.

This is especially rough now that the modern era increasingly has people blurring, erasing, or snorting the lines between their personal life and their business life, with the rise of influencers and personal branding and the like (and dislike). It's like always being on camera, which if you talk to people (or read interviews with people, for Captain SAHAAP) who have actually been on camera for large swaths of time, they will tell you that really messes with you. It's good for people to occasionally (or more) get to be their relaxed authentic selves, not trying to sell something or present a certain way. (This is probably doubly true for autistic people feeling pushed into constant masking, but maybe that'll be a topic for another newsletter.)
 

I strongly recommend you now stand up and take a 10-second dance break. DO IT! The newsletter knows what's best for you.
 

Oh right, marketing yourself. Bleh. Since I am trying to make a living by having people hire me to write great things for them, it might be helpful if they know I exist. And that makes sense. I just prefer only befriending people I happen to like, and then if down the line one of them ends up needing writers they can hire me. But business networking always feels more about either connecting with people likely to need what you're selling, or just connecting with as many people as humanly possible. (Which is not my specialty; I have enough trouble making connections with the people I liked to begin with and wasn't trying to sell anything to. As you probably know.)

One of my freelance writing groups had people suggesting that freelancers like me stop relying on sites like Upwork, and do more direct contact via LinkedIn. But their suggestion to grow your network on LinkedIn was that every day you should make 1 post and 50 comments on other people's posts. And... no. That sounds awful to me. Even more awful than having to replace my modem and hook up a new one.
 

I did mention I hate networking, right? Certainly true for trying to get computers to connect to the network as well. Thankfully, my partner is good at computers and made it happen. I am no good at networking connections. I am much better at conceptual connections, or finding ways to get an idea across. I know I've written a lot about our nation's gun violence issue. I've written columns about it, and I've written poems about it. But I think this month is the first time I did both at once, where my latest column is a poem trying to find the underlying cause of our nation's mass shooting issue. See if you can guess what my conclusion is, then read the column to see if you're right:
 

A column about guns and a poem about guns at once? It's two bitter tastes that go great together! I mean, I'm bitter. But I try to make it more entertaining than someone just slathering on their disappointment while swinging wildly at the issue. I'm a bit of a better bitter than a buttering batter. (And I've just gotten word that was too much of a stretch. Thanks for the update, Procrustes.)
 

Since it is still National Poetry Month, I thought I'd share one more of my newest poems with you, this one a little more lighthearted to make up for the heavy column:

*_*_*

"Good Old What's His Name"

Benedict Cumberbatch gathered some fame,
inspiring some people to play with his name.

Bumblebee Cabbagepatch played Sherlock Holmes,
inviting his name into all of our homes.

Brandybuck Crackerjack voiced a great dragon,
imparting his growls to a beast that hates Baggins.

Buckingham Custardbath showed up as Khan,
implying whitewashing is still going on.

Bandicoot Cummerbund played Alan Turing,
imbuing the role with soft speech reassuring.

Baggageclaim Calldispatch joined Marvel's team,
incanting away as the Sorcerer Supreme.

Bouillabaisse Cul-de-sac's acting? Whatever.
infecting his name, though, will live on forever.

*_*_*
 

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but after tonight I can confidently say that when life gives you stale French bread, make French Toast. (YEAH TOAST!)

There's probably a grand metaphor to be made here about figuring out how to keep your metaphorical kitchen stocked with metaphorical sugar and eggs and whatever other metaphorical reagents are required for the glorious alchemy of turning bad circumstances into a good experience. (And indeed, cooking is the most glorious alchemy. If you can upgrade leftover chicken and some old peanut butter into a delicious golden-brown chicken and peanut sauce, you've turned Pb into gold.)

I was going to sign this "Metaphorically Yours", but I realized that's Taylor Mali's frequent valediction, and I didn't want to steal that outright from a poet I admire. (Luckily, announcing my intent makes it much more subtle.) Meanwhile, thanks for reading, and back in two weeks with another column.


Metaphorically Taylor Mali,
Seth