[Seth Says] I thought of a joke I should have made two weeks ago

...and I guess technically speaking, I thought of it one week ago. So that's three weeks in total, or 1.5 fortnights. Never let it be said I'm week at math.
 

The French call it "l'esprit de l'escalier", we call it "staircase wit", and it refers to just that sort of thing, the clever rejoinder thought of on the way down the stairs when it's too late. Probably the most common example in mass media was the Seinfeld episode where George re-invites an insult just so he can use his reply, "The Jerk store called, and they're running out of you."

I feel like the Jerk store has certainly showed no signs of running low on inventory in the past few years, but all of this is preface to the fact that last issue I said "Thanks for coming to my TED talk -- or should I say SETH talk," which is a lazy half-joke because TED is not just a name, but an acronym that stands for "Technology, Entertainment, Design," and I really should have added an acronym for SETH talk like "Semi Educational Twisted Humor" or some such.

Also, I'm realizing this is far past the staircase wit and right onto the slowly departing cruiseship wit, or some other form of wit that has passed the past its prime. I think in spinning this yarn, it's clear what kind of wit I am:

I'm a knit wit.
 

I hope you enjoy the luxury of two new columns in this newsletter. Actually, given the world these days, I hope you enjoy anything. Finding enjoyment can certainly be difficult amidst all the nonsense, and for every ray of light and hope, there's a new fascist victory in Italy. But when it comes to finding enjoyment, many people look through their rose-colored retroscope at their youth. That's where I went looking last week, and thus present to you Childhood Joys, Ranked and Revisited.

Obviously, I like all my columns and would like people to read all of them. It's hard for me to pick favorites, and even when I do, my favorites are not always the ones that most resonate with other people. So my opinion on which of my columns are worth your click may not match up with yours. (Especially since even leaving aside my inflated opinion of my own writing acumen, I read fast enough that a 600-word column likely to entertain me is something I'll usually click on.)

But this week, I received a fantastic compliment on my latest column, which is that one of my former philosophy professors commented to tell me that he planned to assign it to the philosophy tutorial he is currently teaching at Williams. If you'd like to see what all the fuss is about, come learn about Honesty and Other Bad Habits.
 

"More like Harvey giant Dent in your face!"

Q: Who was the most two-faced person at Woodstock?
A: Janus Joplin

While I continue to have my misgivings about all social media (and also continue to anticipate the collapse of its utility for me, that being one big reason I wanted to start this newsletter), the fact remains that they have someone different characters. I realized that without even consciously thinking anything like, "This is a facebook joke" or "This is a twitter joke", I wrote jokes for them differently. Here are two jokes I wrote after the queen died on the same day, one on each platform:

Twitter:
 

Just had a great idea for a comedic heist movie: An international all-star crew assembled from colonized countries gets together in London to steal the Queen.

Facebook:
 

Q: Is there an actual point to everyone queueing up in London?
A: Remains to be seen.

Twitter is a little more pointed, Facebook a little more cutesy. And I think that's interesting, although in case I'm wrong, I should probably wrap up this week's newsletter.
 

Artificial amateurs aren't at all amazing... oh, sorry. I'm not even wearing my aerobics outfit.

Anyway, to my Jewish readers, I bid you a happy new year, and to all my other readers, I bid you a happy new sletter. See you in two weeks with more bad news presented in a good way.



Leaving now to beat the Rush Hashanah,
Seth