[Seth Says] Happy You Near!

An appropriate greeting to the followers of Reverend Spooner, who was a very fart smell-o of freight game.

Also a message of hope for 2023, with the potential that a happier you could be just around the corner (and hopefully it is not a happier you from another dimension whose arrival will cause some sort of time travel paradox.)

Also an accurate description of the (literally) proximal cause of my recent good mood, having gotten to catch up with a few friends in person recently who don't even live on my street, which happens rarely during the pandemic and even rarerly during winter since I'm still avoiding indoor socializing. But thanks to global warming and the ongoing/looming climate crisis, it was fall weather over New Years.
 

Thus with that small worry in the back of my head that warm winters are probably an ill omen (how illomenating!), I had a very pleasant weekend sandwiching the changing of the year. (Although the new year is oft depicted as a baby, my weekend did not involve having to change a baby.)(If anything, it's usually the old year that people are complaining was crappy.)(Indeed, I myself may be guilty of having previously opined, "2022 is a ton of runny poo.")

Regardless, I got to gather with some friends around a fire which, for legal reasons, cannot be called bon. (Although it was in the sense of laissez les temps rouler.)(Pardon my French.) And some flaming ash landing on my head was a small price to pay for convivial conversation, although certainly it may have spurred my enthusiasm to take some of that conversation for a non-flaming walk.

I have always enjoyed walking with friends though, even if I have slightly more protection from the (non-fire) elements thanks to my beard. (great against snow and cadmium!) Not everyone is fortunate enough to own a beard, which is probably how the topic of winter beard rentals came up. It was decided that to avoid strict rental terms or infested facial follicles, you want a loose lease with the least lice, and thus should rent your beard from Berkshire Beardos, a fantastic organization marred only by its nonexistence (which to be fair, I did clue by describing it as 'fantastic'), which is why that link instead goes to some archival photos from the World Beard and Moustache Championships, a surprisingly real organization whose leadership I had the pleasure of briefly interviewing for my first book.
 

Speaking of me writing things (which I guess this newsletter is)(or arguably this is writing of me speaking things)(I've wronged my writing and can't talk about it now because I already used that joke last issue), I of course have a new column for you to ring in the new year, so please enjoy the Parable of the Warm Blanket .

You may be wondering, if I only have one column instead of two, is it still a pair o' bull? Well, yes, unless it bombs. Then it's abominable. You may wish you hadn't looked at that joke, but regardless, you should look at the column if you're a fan of warm blankets or the Three Amigos or even just an underlying message (lit.: a message about things you are lying under) of making yourself comfortable in
 

So, here we are. Or I guess, "here we go again", a phrase that is still in my head because it is the opening line of Keep All Your Promises, a song that I listen to many times every January since 2010, not only because it is about new years and it is catchy, but also because I have the last verse, and as one commenter pointed out, it's pretty uncommon to use the word "Brobdingnagian" in a song. 

Regardless (or, if you don't listen to the song, ear-regard-less), I bid you all good tidings for the new year, and whether you're hangin' with Reverend Spooner, cleaning British museums, or just enjoying seeing dirty misogynists get their comeuppance, I hope you have a Tate grime in 2023.

What does a sassy Horace Greeley say?

West Bishes,
Seth