[Seth Says] Gratitude: The Lonely Journey

A weird thing about gratitude is that it sounds like "Grrr, attitude!", which is sort of the opposite of what it means. But that's not really what I had on my mind, that's just another random thought that interrupted (although arguably this entire newsletter is just random thoughts that interrupted)(Debbie actually read my last newsletter and told me the other day, "I never realized I should be thankful for how many things you don't say.")(We're doing great, thanks; more on that next issue.)
 

The weird thing about gratitude that I actually wanted to mention is that in spite of being about appreciating other people, I think it's something you have to come to yourself. Because certainly there were no shortage of people telling me in my early years that I should be more positive or have more gratitude, and all that ever did was make me more irritated and less receptive to the idea, because I had an entire bag of chips on my shoulder.

Perhaps it's because you can tell people what to do, but you can't tell them how to feel. (I mean, you can, but it's unlikely to work and reasonably likely to irritate them.) No matter how many times my parents or others tried to instill in me the idea that I should appreciate what I had, I found it annoying, insulting, and dismissive of all my dissatisfactions, which seemed all-consuming at the time. (Thanksgiving, of course, is the best time for all-consuming.)(I was going to say it's also the best time for gratitude, but it's actually not, because a better time is when it's unprompted. "To rebel in season is not to rebel.")(I've just realized a better name for this whole newsletter would have been "But I Digress")(Or on Thanksgiving, "But I Digest")(Or if you're having rump roast, "Butt I Digest")(This space reserved for Tim Kazurinsky.)

Thus years of people telling me I should practice more gratitude moved me not at all towards doing so, and if anything, moved me further away. It's also possible this was largely a result of childhood selfishness, but in any case a combination of time, self-reflection, and good luck have converted me into a full-on adherent of gratitude, and probably non-coincidentally, a much happier person.

Not to proselytize for gratitude; I wouldn't do that because proselytizing in general and for gratitude specifically is, as I've already mentioned, mainly a combination of annoying, ineffective, and counterproductive. (although as friends have pointed out, religious proselytizing is often promoted to convince the proselytizers rather than the proselytizees.)(and here's some meta-proselytizing: the best thing I've ever seen about proselytizing is the musical "The Book of Mormon", because as mentioned last issue, Parker and Stone are funny and talented, but also don't go see it if you are easily offended.)

That said, for anyone who already has leanings in that direction and was hoping to cultivate more gratitude, time is going to happen to you no matter what, and good luck is going to happen or not, so your only sensible approach is to focus on the self-reflection, and there I have found stoicism to be a very helpful philosophy to bring me to a place where I could appreciate circumstances/people/relationships/etc. for what they were rather than constantly comparing them unfavorably to some imagined ideal in my head.

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus

Or as I have previously put it: "A wise man once said, 'comparing yourself to others is a path to unhappiness.' ...I wish I'd thought of that."
 

(Do stoics even appreciate porn? I feel like a stereotypical stoic looking at pornography might nod sagely and say, "Yes, that undulating naked woman is quite sexy," with a slight smile before moving on with their day.)

Let's move away from that topic, is what I meant to say, before realizing that just because on and off are opposites, doesn't mean that "get on with it" and "get off with it" are opposites. This brings to mind another excellent example of the difference between denotative and connotative meaning, which is that denotatively, "Butt dial" is a synonym for "Booty call". (And I've just realized that "Ass ring" is another denotative synonym with a third distinct connotation.)(Yes, it certainly brings distinct.)(bring bring bring)(words are fun)
 

I could free associate (free disassociate?) all day, but mainly I wanted to move away from stoicism and onto my column, which is ostensibly the selling point of my newsletter. (it's certainly literally the selling point, since it's the only point in the newsletter where I have exchanged my words for money.) This past week was Thanksgiving (yes, the whole week, that's how long it takes to finish the leftovers), and I enjoyed a tasty dinner and then many tasty leftover sandwiches which are unironically my favorite part of Thanksgiving.

I have less leftover ideas than I used to, thanks to often writing things in this newsletter when they don't seem like the right fit for a column, but I still do find that occasionally I'll jot down a sentence or two with the intent of turning it into something longer later, and then don't. Well, every year I gather all those up and put them in a leftovers column, although as mentioned now that I have fewer leftovers than I used to, I've had to augment with a hastily made current events observation or two.

Still, the result is a lot of very short takes together, which should be a nice contrast with this newsletter's longer and more rambly takes, so please do take a ramble/amble and read my latest column:
 

 

More worth celebrating than a birthday anyway, right? Well, you can parse this final section heading two ways (obviously, you could also parse it other ways, but these are the two I had in mind which apply): I am happy, and grateful to you for reading this newsletter when you have many other options like reading Dostoysevsky or all of Twitter or watching Netflix (or eating a lamb or hitting yourself in the head with a squeaky hammer; life is filled with infinite possibilities). And also, I bid you happiness and hope that your Thanksgiving week was sufficiently pleasant that you found yourself with unprompted appreciation for circumstances and people in your life -- even and especially if a big person who deserves gratitude was your past self for getting you here.

(Ugh, am I becoming too sappy? I mean, I do love maple, but part of sickly-sweet is sickly.) (Write to me, Sick Sickly, PO Box Bleeeargghhh)(Anyway, I'm pretty sure the constant parenthetical asides should keep me or anyone else from taking myself too seriously.)

Back in two weeks with another column, and probably less cheesy gratefulness and more grated cheese. (I do this for the grater gouda.)

Persona Non Grater,
Seth



P.S.  (Pretty Shitty) -- I've just been informed via email (as you may have been) that TinyLetter will be shutting down at the end of February. So far I've thought of two replacement options and both of them seem sub-optimal.

If you feel strongly about some great newsletter platform I'm unaware of (e.g. "I love FlingyThingy, it emails everyone and gives them free chocolate and it pays you and your subscribers!"), feel free to drop me a line and let me know. I will certainly keep you updated with whatever I decide early next year, and meanwhilst as always I appreciate you joining me for this ridiculous (and, as all things are, temporally-limited) journey.